wondermom's picture

I FOUND MY 14 YEAR OLD STEPSON NAKED IN MY 10 YEAR OLD SONS BED

I am so distraught by the whole thing and simply dont know how to handle it.

I have a 14 year old stepson who has been living with us from this year..although I see him as my own, he always make me feel uncomfortable cause I cannot read him. He lies a lot (master at it), is sometimes dilutional and does not show emotion. He acts like an 8 year old around us, but when he goes home to Durban, he is a teenager (judging from the messages on his phone). Overall he is a nice child to have around. He likes playing with little children, to the extend that we had to tell him to start socialising with his own age.

A couple of months ago, my sister-in-law refused to send her 9 year old daughter to our place, apparently something happened with her and our son...I thought she was overreacting. Then, recently, we had friends over with children between 4 and 7 of age. He played with the kids in one of the rooms and all of a sudden they came downstairs to show us the money he paid them...apparently they had to message him..we were so embarrassed and my husband flipped. Still we did not think that much about it.

Last night, I went into my 10 year old's room. He has been sleeping for about 3 hours then. I heard him tossing and turning and when I turned around I saw my stepson was lying with him in the bed. I immediately felt like something was wrong. When I asked him what he was doing there, he kept quiet and had a very funny expression on his face. My son was half asleep, but woke up because he also could not understand why my stepson is in his bed. When I lifted the blankets, both of them were naked. My 10 year old was very surprised to find his short was taken off. This boy took of my sons shorts while he was sleeping (and he is a deep sleeper) and got into bed with him stark naked. Luckily i got into the room just as he got into the bed.

I feel sick in my stomach, I cannot look at this child, yet I feel very sorry for him and his mother. My husband decided he does not want him in the house and he has to go back to his mother.

I'm not sure if it is the right thing to do. I feel as if we would be feeding him to the wolves, cause he had to pick these things up in the area where he grew up. On the other hand, my sons safety comes first. I cannot afford to have him psychologically messed up and traumatised. Also, how do we know that his cousins and our friends' children are safe around him.

I need advise as to how to handle the situation.


on the fence's picture

Get that kid out of your

Get that kid out of your house right now! Either that or take your son and leave. Right away! Anywhere. Family or friends or hotel but get your son away from that monster. He needs help and you don't need your little boy being traumatized and who knows what else. Does DH know?

" Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course. "

Helen Rowland

thetrueone's picture

no no, yes i agree that the

no no,
yes i agree that the 14 year old is in the wrong but your going across it the wrong way you need to get closer to the 14 year old and then finally ask the goal question why did you do what you did. Yes it may seem like a very simple answer but you need to look past that teens have urges thats not what its about. And yes this whole situation is very dramatising but if you atomatically shut down the 14 year old then he is "the showing of the monster." meaning that what he thought was "right" was wrong and in his mind its right he will spend time after time thinking about this situation. And this situation is very delicate because situations like this is one of the main reasons for rapist and merdurs root cause.

WickedStepMom18's picture

What?

What?

lovn life's picture

say what? *confused*

say what? *confused*

SillyGilly's picture

You need to remove your child

You need to remove your child from him NOW. You need to go to the authorities NOW. SS CANNOT be around children. THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM. You *HAVE* to do something about it even if DH doesn't want to and sending him to BM's is NOT the answer. Your step son is a child molester. He was probably abused himself. This is too big for you and DH and BM to handle on your own. He CANNOT be around other children, period.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Sounds like your husband is

Sounds like your husband is the only one thinking clearly. Send he boy wih his mother and get him into counseling. There have been too many instances that you aren't acknowledging. Who know what exactly he did to those younger kids?! You also need totall to your son about this and if anything else has happened.

stormabruin's picture

I hardly see where the "SHAME

I hardly see where the "SHAME ON YOU AND DH" is productive. It's belittling & disparaging. I do agree, however, that sending him off without addressing the issue only leaves him to persue children elsewhere. BM needs to be made aware of what's happening. It is important for the boy to talk with a counselor. If he was abused, a counselor can help bring that to light. If that's not the case, they can help figure out his issues & help the family cope & heal.

"Women are angels & when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible like that."

sway1's picture

I do agree with you luv them

I do agree with you luv them all.............
there is something wrong with the 14 year old. and he needs help. booting him off on someone else is not helping him, only making things even worse. sure he is 14 years old (and should know better) but the life style he is growing up in is not helping him to see things like that should never be done period. maybe this child has been raped by men and he thinks in his mind it's ok for him to do to others. the child needs help. not kicked out the door.

aggravated1's picture

"And kicking him out without

"And kicking him out without addressing the problem is WRONG. "

I would make sure I addressed the problem, but he would not be living under my roof and in the same house with my son while it was being addressed.

I distrust posters who don't have a blog. They tend to be shit stirrers.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

I know that this is a

I know that this is a horrible and rough subject, but lets give realistic advice. Counseling does help. As does jail. Group therapy, and Offender rehabilition programs. This is a sickness. A horrible illness that can't be cured, but it can be worked with. These Men and woman need help. And society would rather burn them at the stake. The majority of these people are not proud of what they have done and they don't realize the lasting effect it has on the other person. I have a brother who is in prison for his offence. And that is the best place for him. I am in a relationship with an "offender", who has been in and contiues counceling and therapy programs. I was raped by several men when i was 17. My advice comes from several different areas of understanding.

"It doesn't matter what is in your past, Because you have a spottless future."

Lauren1438's picture

Just FYI it has been proven

Just FYI it has been proven that it is a issue with the chemical make up in the brain. True offenders that begin at a young age will never stop. Yes they need help but no they can not be "cured" by rehabilitation programs and other meetings. It is also proven that jail doesn't always work as well. If someone is a True offender and begins showing signs at a young age there really isn't hope of anything curing them. Make sure you understand the difference from a crime of passion (heat of the moment) and PREMEDITATED. I have studied these subjects for 4 years. I have read countless books and I have also interviewed sex offenders, and murders.

Lauren1438's picture

Just FYI it has been proven

Just FYI it has been proven that it is a issue with the chemical make up in the brain. True offenders that begin at a young age will never stop. Yes they need help but no they can not be "cured" by rehabilitation programs and other meetings. It is also proven that jail doesn't always work as well. If someone is a True offender and begins showing signs at a young age there really isn't hope of anything curing them. Make sure you understand the difference from a crime of passion (heat of the moment) and PREMEDITATED. I have studied these subjects for 4 years. I have read countless books and I have also interviewed sex offenders, and murders.

Rags's picture

Call the police immediately

Call the police immediately and have them haul the little PERV off to where he belongs. He should spend the rest of his youth in juvenile hall where he can pay the price for his criminal behavior.

Sure, get him help and counseling but only in addition to what the government will provide for him as an inmate. He needs to be flagged as a sex offender for the rest of his life so other children will be protected from him.

Once the police haul him off in cuffs I would not allow him back in to my home. Your DH has to step up also in order protect his younger children from his deviant older son as well as protect the children of friends, family and the broader community.

Parents should protect their children even if it is from another of their children.

I would also call all of the parents of the children that the PERV has been in contact with lately to inform them of his crime against your child and so that they can press charges if necessary to protect their own children.

This is another situation that I have ZERO tolerance for. 14 is old enough to know right from wrong and he is a willful child molester even if he is only 14.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian. Not a buddy.-Rags

If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR

If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

SillyGilly's picture

I absolutely agree with this.

I absolutely agree with this. Police/parents/schools/etc... need to be notified.

hismineandours's picture

The police are not going to

The police are not going to lock this kid up. At all. They will turn this over to DCS-allow them to investigate-the boy will get treatment. My guess is also that this boy must have been sexually abused himself and that will need to be investigated. The child may need to be placed in foster care if there are younger kids in bm's home or if he is being abused there.

Rags's picture

If a half a dozen or so sets

If a half a dozen or so sets of parents file charges against him for sexual assault on their children he will not only go to jail tonight but for years if he is convicted, even as a juvenile.

I would have him in jail tonight if he molested my child, if I let him live that long. It would be all I could do not to beat him to death for stealing my child's innocence.

As I said before, at 14 he knows right from wrong and he is a willful molester of children.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian. Not a buddy.-Rags

If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR

If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

SillyGilly's picture

By the way I am really sorry

By the way I am really sorry this is happening to you. This must be a very shocking, horrible thing to experience. I hope you will find this site supportive and helpful.

sway1's picture

may I ask the op... what had

may I ask the op... what had happen after you caught him in your son's bed? did he just get up and go to his room? did you and dh talk with him?

caregiver1127's picture

I love this comment - I

I love this comment - I really can't stand when people come on here and are sharing their deepest and darkest moments - moments that make them ashamed and then get bashed or beaten to death with the same comments over and over - OP - I am so sorry you have to go through this - I think quite frankly if I had walked in on my SS in bed with my child naked he would have woken up in the hospital after I got done with him - being a sexual abuse survivor myself - it is very hard to get over it and to think that somehow it was not my fault - abusers are really good at getting their victims to think it was their fault that it happened - anyone who actually has the balls to question why your BS was naked should be shot - he is the victim not the damn abuser - the poor thing waking up like that and even if something has happened before he is in no way at fault and that stupid notion should not even be entertained. My prayers are with you at this time!!

the only advantage of the skids is that they are not microchipped, so if I ever drop them off on a lonely road-
no one can trace them back to me - wolfenstep

Thought for the day: Too many freaks, not enough circus's!

New second wife-step-mom's picture

In my opinion I think you

In my opinion I think you should get him away permantly from your son. I would also talk to my son to see if there was other encounters. You do need to notify his mother, grandparents, school counsellors, etc to make sure they are aware and maybe will offer more help for the SS. I am not sure about flagging the 14 y/o as a sex offender but I would make sure he receives counselling and that others are aware of this. I would also want to know more details about the other encounters first and where/when his behaviour started. Just my thoughts. So sorry this is happening to your family.

Felicity0224's picture

Oh, my. I am so sorry you're

Oh, my. I am so sorry you're going through this! I can't imagine how awful you must be feeling.

I think that most people have given you sound advice so far. You SS needs counseling, and you need to take steps to protect other children from further harm. You need to remove your kids from having contact with him, and you should take your 10 year-old to a counselor ar well. Who knows if something more has happened that you don't know about? A counselor can help you find out and address it properly.

Again, I am so sorry! You have some difficult decisions to make, but PLEASE do not just send SS back to BM and try to go on as if nothing happened!

Rags's picture

The past has happened. I

The past has happened. I would focus entirely on protecting your other children and all other children from your SS-14.

Love him, support him, but do not let him have the opportunity to do it again.

Press charges and encourage the parents of every child he has molested to press charges.

That is the best help you can get for him and for his past and future victims.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian. Not a buddy.-Rags

If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR

If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

stormabruin's picture

I agree with this completely.

I agree with this completely. Let him feel the legal consequences, but get him some counseling. He obviously has issues & needs to talk them out with someone who can help him.

"Women are angels & when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible like that."

tofurkey's picture

I agree as well. You can't

I agree as well. You can't just let this kid walk off without any consequences, according to what you wrote I am taking it he is a repeat offender. Please please do not make the mistake of thinking that because he's younger that he's not capable of doing worse or that he shouldn't be brought up on charges. I used to work for a place that dealt with juvenile offenders and you would not believe what even 9, 10, and 11 year olds did. Just awful awful things. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this but you have a responsiblity to your child and other children to do something about this.

* "Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year." *

lovn life's picture

what the hell......he is 14

what the hell......he is 14 and KNOWS what he is doing is WRONG. Perhaps you need help too Carlos! Many pedophiles justify their actions by calling it a loving act. Its not and its a sickness. So stop and get yourself help then too.

This is sick and reeks of you trying to justify your actions as being normal...."Its in our nature to explore and love your family to the extreme". Its not and no, people dont do this and its wrong.

Anon2009's picture

*LIKE* I agree 110% that he

*LIKE* I agree 110% that he needs to feel the consequences, but he needs help too.

Chapter 3, Ecclesiastes, vs. 1-8

oneoffour's picture

The boy needs counselling

The boy needs counselling NOW. Intensive counselling. I suspect he has been molested himself for some time and this is his way of not being a victim anymore.

He needs to be kept away from other children. He obviously has a problem with self control and some deep seated problems.

And here comes the issue how to deal with it. Was he abused himself? Who did it? Can you face knowing you are friends with someone who may have started all of this? Because SOMEBODY did it. Somehow he got this idea that this is OK. And if you condemn the child you have to accept that you or his mother may well know very well the person who started this. This isn't just about this boy. It is about what/who started him on this path.

Athough being a consummate liar may make him difficult to reach.

Good luck. And take your son to a few counselling sessions. He may need some clarification of what is acceptable and what isn't from an impartial party.

ThatGirl's picture

Is it just me, or have we had

Is it just me, or have we had a plethora of perv stories from new members in the last few days? Sad

overit2's picture

Yep-hence my blog

Yep-hence my blog yesterday...agreed!

WHERESMYWART's picture

I am thinking you and your

I am thinking you and your son need to go sleep in a motel tonight. I am not only afraid for your son's but your safety if he is afraid you will tell his secret to the world. Please get him out of your house ASAP, he knows what he is doing. He is 14 years old and knows better!

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
--Robert Heinlein