Flutterby's picture

How about a forum specifically for step parents without biological children of their own?

While everybody's situation is different, I find it more useful to read other members comments who do not have biological children (for whatever reason). There doesn't seem to be may websites that are specific to non bio parents. I guess all parents, be it bio or not, are flying blindly to some extent, but myself as a non bio step parent, sometimes feel I am just that one step further away from the goal square.
Thanks Smiling

WHERESMYWART's picture

That would be good but please

That would be good but please allow me to say this. Before I had my own bio kids I was extremely judgemental of other persons I would see. I would say, I would never leave my baby for two hours. I would never let my child go around with a snotty nose. And for the most part, I have done everything in my power not to do these things but what I have learned the most from my experiences as a birth mother that I am not perfect and can only do what I can. I have had to learn to stop judging people because they do things differently than I would. Before children, my children were going to behave exceptionally well because I would have taught them better basically without discipline or anything. My kids would never wear anything that didnt fit perfectly or wasnt in style. My kids were going to have it all. Yes, these are things I still want for my children but I have learned that all children act up sometimes, some more than others. I have also learned to let go with trying to keep my children up in all the latest clothes and such. As long as it is clean, fits, and has no holes in it, its fine with me. There is so much that I would have loved to have done for my children over the years such as take them on a vacation but money has proved to be a big factor in everything. Thankfully, I hope to complete my Masters of Accounting by March and start the professional workforce sometime close to this time period. So not being a biomom has a lot of advantages and disadvantages when it comes to raising kids. Although I see your point of wanting to be able to converse soley on a forum with stepparents that have no biochildren of their own, please remember to check the other forums because sometimes we can offer good advice not just based off our roles as parents but also as stepparents.

Good luck to you.

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
--Robert Heinlein

hornet64's picture

As a stepmom with no biokids,

As a stepmom with no biokids, I think the forum would be particularly helpful to us... Nothing against anyone else, this is a different situation and we need support from those who are going through the same thing. I find it very helpful when I run into people on here who sound like they have very similar issues to the ones I'm facing.

In my situation, my DH had kids with not just one woman over the years and he is older to the point now that he is done and doesn't want anymore... which means that unless I divorce him or there is Divine intervention, I will never be a birthmom. It's tough to live life knowing that he wanted children with those women and not me even though he says I am his one true love and he really didn't love any of them now that he is older and can look back on it...

So, yes, forum for stepmoms w/out biokids is a good idea.

marissamae88's picture

I also agree with having a

I also agree with having a forum just for step moms with no bio kids. I myself love reading the other forums and find situations that I can relate to but I think I would have more in common with someone in my actual situation. I also would be able to offer more advice to someone in my situation. Its hard to just all of a sudden poof be a mom out of thin air. Not that it isnt hard being stem mom with bio kids. I just know I struggled a lot in the beginning because I was not a mom of any sort and I met my boyfriend and I am not a mom of four. I love reading all forums but it would be nice to have a point of view just like mine. Smiling

Totalybogus's picture

I think that a person with

I think that a person with kids can still sympathize with someone that doesn't have kids because whether we have kids or not, these kids are not our kids.

I think if a stepparent without any kids wants a forum just for steps without kids it would just be a bitch session because I think that those that do have biochildren can give you the other side of the equation and help in dealing with the other bioparent that you are not married to if, of course, they are sane. LOL

marissamae88's picture

To leahmcc i could not agree

To leahmcc i could not agree more. The bonding that happens with mother and child is irreplaceable and thats when you realize you will be giving birth and naming the child and all these things that i skipped and now i am supposed to care for them as if this was something i planned. i told myself long ago (i am 22) that i didnt want children because i wanted to live my life first. I feel that your childhood is important and its their time to grow and learn. I wanted to have a white couch and eat out late and not worry. But the man I love decided kids were for him. So now boom at 22 I am a stepmother of four great boys but again my perspective is a little different.

caregiver1127's picture

Hey DPW - how the heck are

Hey DPW - how the heck are you - I have not seen you on here in quite a while - is everything okay in your world?!?!?! Miss you!!

the only advantage of the skids is that they are not microchipped, so if I ever drop them off on a lonely road-
no one can trace them back to me - wolfenstep

Thought for the day: Too many freaks, not enough circus's!

roseslady2's picture

Thank you for posting this. I

Thank you for posting this. I am going there now.

StillSearching's picture

I like this idea as well. I

I like this idea as well. I am childless with my BF who has 2 teenagers and I am 25 years old! Very hard for me to relate to the posters with younger step children or children.

TheBrightSide's picture

I would love love love this

I would love love love this forum.

NO ONE, understands what its like to be a childless stepmom other than other childless (or childfree) stepmoms.

Lauren1438's picture

Please add this topic. I am

Please add this topic. I am about to marry a guy with two daughters of his own and yes there is a 5 year difference in our age so it has been hard for me to adjust planing to be with the kids and handeling the fits and all the needs...he says I am doing great but I am so over my head I dont know what to do. And his ex likes to tell him I am not fit because I dont have kids of my own. I need help.

CalgonTakeMeAway's picture

I would like to see a

I would like to see a childless stepparent forum. I don't have bio kids and I'm stepmom to two. I welcome opinions and advice from anybody, but sometimes it does make a difference and it's good to hear from people in your situation. There are some feelings I have, never having a child of my own, that a bio parent just cannot understand, just as I cannot understand what it's like to have a bio kid. I don't know if the advice would be any different...sometimes we just need people to "get" where we're coming from.

We teach people how to treat us...

This too shall pass...

Flutterby's picture

SMDwoKDs (step mom, dads

SMDwoKDs (step mom, dads without kids). They are us. PLEASE moderators will you start a forum for us. Most of us are here because there are few sites that are specific to non bio moms or dads.

So here we are, helpless, frustrated and no knowledge of what is like to have kids of of our own (for whatever reason). I have found many posts useful in some degree and would appreciate a section where we who have to deal with skids and the love our life without another common denominator (ie: bio child) can go BLAH!, Please?

Exmouth's picture

Hi, I am also a stepmom with

Hi, I am also a stepmom with no bio kids. ALthough I read all the other threads and respond to all the other threads where appropriate, I would love to have a section for childless stepmoms.

I am convince being a stepmom would have been easier if I had my own kids as you at least have a framework to work from. At present my only framework to work from is my cat...BUT I love her to death...

Sometimes the only way out is through...

NotSureAnymore's picture

I dont have bio kids

I dont have bio kids either... would love it...

But i also get alot out of parents with Bio kids and its a good insight into when i start having my own... IF I DECIDE TO...

Peace everyone

"Being a lesbian is much easier"

hippiegirl's picture

I was very judgemental of

I was very judgemental of other's kids before I had my own, also. Lol.

stepmom1183's picture

YES PLEASE!! I am a Step Mom

YES PLEASE!! I am a Step Mom with no kids of my own. It's a struggle at times. It would be very helpful and relieving to hear from other Step Mom's who have no kids of their own.

0328sac's picture

Did you ever find a forum for

Did you ever find a forum for stepmoms with no bio. kids??

julianna78's picture

I am so very interested in

I am so very interested in connecting with others in this situation. I am 33 years old and going to marry a man with two kids...ages 6 and 8. We started our relationship with the plan to have more children. He has now decided that he does not want more. I have mixed feelings on the topic as I have spent most of my life not wanting kids. But now that I'm around his kids so often I struggle knowing that I'll never have children to call my own. I'm not willing to walk away. He and I have an amazing relationship and I do love his kids (even though this role is the most difficult situation I've ever been in). But I know I need to find support from others going through this so I'm able to keep my sanity and ride the waves. Please let me know if anyone out there can relate and how we can support each other. Thank you!!

Kayhenwal69's picture

I would like that too.

I would like that too.

roseslady2's picture

While I understand the

While I understand the concern of the bios posting on here that it would just be a complaining session, I have to say I really want this forum. Most of the site is complaining and blowing off steam anyway. sometimes, it would be really nice not to feel like some BM/BF is going to go to my post and feel offended because of my views. I have a SS16 and SS11. I was raised with all women. Being a smom to these boys is turning into something dangerous to my health. I see that you say you can empathize with us. When you've chosen to have kids and we're chosing not to, that means you have a totally different view of skids than we do. If my DH decided to leave me, I now have No Children... I go from having a family of 4 to myself. There is no longer stupid tv shows playing, awesome gfs to hang out with, soccer games to attend, school attachments to go to. You don't understand. You will always have that. I may not. It makes my perspective entirely different. It makes my fears entirely different. It makes my frustrations that much stronger.

bcvgdg's picture

He and I have an amazing

He and I have an amazing relationship and I do love his kids (even though this role is the most difficult situation I've ever been in). But I know I need to find support from others going through this so I'm able to keep my sanity and ride the waves. Please let me know if anyone out there can relate and how we can support each other. Thank you.

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0328sac's picture

Soooo has this forum for

Soooo has this forum for nonbio step parents been created?? Cuz unless you're in that situation, I don't think you get it.I need it.