I really need to figure out a way to not get so hurt on Mother's Day. Yes, I got gifts and cards but it was all empty because stepson didn't call.
We had to go to his soccer game so I did get to see him. Then biomom made the announcement that she asked stepson if he wanted or needed to call me and she said stepson told her NO!! I was crushed! Then to pour salt in the wound (which is what biomom knew she was doing) stepson had to do an extra credit project at biomom's house. It was titled "All About Stepson" It had pictures of many things he has done or will do during summer vaction. However, the first pictures were of stepson's birth and there was a picture of biomom in her hospital bed holding stepson with MY husband hovering over her. I think I may have burnt my retinas looking at it. It was like she put that on there to show me that she gave birth to stepson so I should kiss her a#%!! Neeless to say, I cried myself to sleep last night.
On a brighter note, we made sure that my mom and my husband's mom had a good day!
Dawn
You Aren't Alone
Dawn,
I am so sorry about your Mothers Day. I really understand what you are going through. All the ones I had with my two stepchildren were always bad and now I never hear a peep from them at all. They just forget about me like I am trash and yesterday's news. Odd, too, especially since my stepson was just here last weekend with his girlfriend in tow, eating my food, sleeping in our beds, etc.!!!! I'm sure you get the picture. And a week later, he can't remember who I am! It really stinks. The biomom's will rub salt in whenever they can. It's just the way things are--they are spiteful and vicious and will yank your chain whenever and however they can. The best thing you can do for yourself is to ignore them because when they see than they are ineffective they will go on to something else. I am glad you were able to go to your family's for Mother's Day and share it with them. Keep your chin up and maintain your pride. You're going to be okay. Don't let biomom see that she has upset you. Honestly, I really think that there is some kind of sisterhood among stepmoms and what we go through. I'm proud of you making it through the day like that. I know it was really hard. I didn't hear from either of my stepchildren but that's par for the course with them. One of these days they're going to want something and maybe I'll either forget them or be too busy.
Please don't be sad
Regards,
Sweetie
Dawn....
So sorry to hear that, I've learned over the years that biomom will always find ways to irritate me and my husband, so I don't expect things from my stepson when it comes to any holidays or anything else for that matter. Try not to think about it so much, it's hard to say that but to me it's the only way to eliminate myself for being hurt, I tend to ignore everything and not expect anything because I know that biomom is always behind the scenes turning his son against me and my family. Just know that you are doing your best in everything and what comes around goes around.
Biomom picked up my SS on mother's day when it was our weekend, when she initially said she wasn't going to switch...she is just a witch! She totally brain washes him and we can't do anything about it but just enjoy him when we have him. She is a bitter, lonely, no life mom and she spends her energy making it difficult for us to get close to him. Don't feel too bad, I didn't even hear him say Happy Mother's Day to me when we had him for 2 days.
I am so sorry
It hurts and it stings. And I've been there. I am so very sorry Dawn. It's a thankless job sometimes.
Beth
I'm so sorry......Mother's
I'm so sorry......Mother's Day, Birthdays, Holidays sometimes set us up--to fall. We have a foster daughter who is now 30 years old..and in the past she has struggled with her betrayal of her birth mother if she acknowledged my role in her life. With a lot of talk...therapy...and understanding.....I learned to not personalize it. This is a tough spot for kids to be in.
And it's tough for step-mom. I'm sure your heart is hurting--but take heart in knowing that you are influencing and shaping their lives in spite of the hurts of a day. God Bless!
Diane
Patience
Dawn: I have been a stepmom for 12 years with 3 sk and 3 of my own. Mother's Day is one of the hardest days of the year and you simply need to steel yourself against any expectations you may have from your ss. When you give love to your ss and take care of him, you can not expect anything in return. My sk live with me and my husband and we have been raising them together for many years and yet if the biomom calls, I take the back seat. I have learned not to get angry with the sk for this - she is their mom and they want a good relationship with her and will continue to try even if it is not going to happen. I have also learned to let go of the anger at their biomom. NOT that this was easy in any way but it was exhausting to be angry and frustrated so often. She is desperate to prove she is "more" of a mom than I am. I think this jealousy factor motivates many biomoms. Try to focus on the days with your ss which are good and where your relationship feels natural. Tkae what you can and expect no more. It will help with the pain and hurt of rejection. They can not choose you; their guilt won't let them. Not all of them forget you - two of my sk are in college and still call on my birthday. So be patient, love your ss to the best of your ability and enjoy the moments when you remember why you chose to be a part of this family.
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