Step Talk

My husband asked if he should let stepson buy biomom a gift if he asked too. I said that I don't mind if stepson wants to buy her a card but I didn't think it was our responsibility to buy her a gift. Biomom lives with a man, even though he is her ex-boyfriend, they have a child together and obviously get along well enough to live together. In my opinion, he will probably be getting her a gift. Biomom has never bought a gift for stepson to give my husband on Father's Day. Not to mention the fact that she yelled at stepson for getting me a gift last year for Mother's Day.

My husband and stepson went shopping last night. I haven't asked if they bought biomom a gift or not. I stated my opinion to my husband and I guess for now, I will leave it at that.

Dawn

Dawn that's a hard one... All I can say is that giving comes from the heart, so if you don't want to or feel it is not appropriate then don't. In my situation, we buy a gift for his mom when it's a mother's day & christmas. It's not from my husband and I but from her son. I don't see a problem to that, his mom buys gift for my husband for father's day and christmas too. I don't have a problem with that. She and I don't buy each other gifts. So it all depends on your situation really.

I agree with happy mom - there's no one size fits all here - personally it grinds me up to have to buy biomom a gift because she has a guy living with her who the kids treat as stepdad but her kids father is my husband so I guess he should be responsible for helping them buy a gift - my only gripe is that the kids think we're a bottomless pit of money for biomom and would buy her diamonds if they could - my husband on the other hand gets Dollar store gifts for fathers day and christmas - double standards are tough to deal with but I guess my view is that I have more class because we don't lower ourselves to her wacky standards

Hello, everyone! I am so happy I found this site. I am a soon to be stepmom and don't really have anyone around who really understands what it is like. My fiance and I live together and just recently had an argument over buying biomom a gift for Mother's Day. I said I didn't have a problem with a card and/or a samll gift but fiance went out and spent $40 on a gift card from a department store "from the kids". This really upset me for several reasons. First, a gift card is hardly something "from the kids" it just seemed too personal from him and it was something he picked out for her rather than having the children select something. In addition to that biomom is an utter nightmare who just last week called my fiance a dead beat dad because he disagreed with her about an issue with the children. The man pays more than his fair share and spends as much time with the kids as possible. It also bothers me that he went out of his way to buy a nice gift for a woman who has caused so many problems in his life. He said the gift was a way of teaching the kids to respect their mother, but I don't see how a gift card differs from a nice card from Hallmark or something small that would really be from the kids. And what about showing respect to me? Since we have been together for 5 years I obviously have a vested interest in the children. As all of you step parents know we make our share of sacrifices, but just because we haven't said "I do" does that make me any less of a step mom? He also knew that I would be upset about him buying her that gift because he never gave it to her. I found out when I saw the gift card and he came clean. What upset me is that he bought it in the first place knowing I would be hurt. Any thoughts??

I took my stepdaughter to buy a card for biomom and the kids usually use their allowence money to buy gifts which is what I assume they did since they didn't ask for money for a gift. I always buy the Father's Day gifts from the kids because the biomom doesn't even when we buy gifts for her. I don't mind exchanging gifts, but I just think it should have been something the children picked out themself.

Ex has a BF. He should be the one thinking of her on holidays, just like I did for my BF on Father's Day. I never say unkind things about her to the children, but she makes our life hell. I see no reason to honor her on holidays and I'd like thoughts of her invading our life as little as possible.

Seriously....it does. I love my two girlies but they are not my bio children. I am already DREADING Mothers Day and it is only March. Understand that mommy pretty much dumped them on me and their father. I am "the parent" 85% of the time because daddy works split shifts and mommy only gets them on day a week. It is I who holds their hair out of their faces when they puke, I who does the supper, bath,bed routine five nights out of the week, I who washes their clothes, pick up their room, cleans boo-bbos exc. I'm the man so to speak and it doesn't bother me. I love them and they love me. They are four year old twins. BEAUTIFUL! That doesn't change the fact that I know I'm going to feel cheated come Mother's Day. This woman is hardly a mother, a womb donor more like it. Just like there is dead beat dads there are dead beat moms. She is a crappy mom but still gets a day devoted to her....glorious. Daddy has already said that the girls can make her a card but he isn't buying her "explitive deletive". I have to say I was relieved. I think motherhood is an earned title through actions not through circumstance and really thats all getting knocked up is...a circumstance. Just ask all the step parents who are raising other bio parents children for them or all the mommies and daddies who see their children twice a month.

They split up in April... he bought her a gift in May, for mothers day... we were only friends at the time, and I encouraged him to do so. She was very depressed and somewhat suicidal at the time, she took it as a sign they were "getting back together" so he never did it again. When he is old enough to understand what mothers day is and wants to buy her something we will take him and let him pick something out, but until then, she lives with her mom, they can take care of one another in that area.

***Claiming Sanctuary***

Could his son just make her a nice card or a craft or something? I don't know how old the boy is, but I think this would be appropriate. My bf gives me a mother's day plant...usually a beautiful hanging basket. If my son is around, he'll hand it to him and say, "give this to your mother". After years of my husband ignoring me on Mother's Day and saying "You're not my mother" it means a LOT to me that my bf does this.

OH, and no, my bf did not buy his ex anything for the kids to give to her on Mothers Day.

my FH does not buy his ex anything,if the kids wanted to make her something then that was fine, but buying gifts that is a "family" thing and the ex and FH are NOT a family I know that sounds harsh but it ended and unless it has to do with providing for the kids, he does not provide for her emotional needs.
my Fskids do not buy me or make me anything for mothers day..and that is fine with me!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

I've lost sleep over this one bc I can't speak to DH about it. I get so jealous when DH buys biomom gifts or flowers for some occasion from the swins. The swins never once asked anyone to help them buy gifts for anyone or even remember to say Happy Such Such Day -- so no, I think he shouldn't buy her a thing! Swins don't give a hoot. And she never ever supplied swins w/anything for him for some occasion. Biomom shops for swins xmas gifts on xmas eve and didn't even know this week was their spring break so we are handling day hours b.c she's busy during the day & can't/won't make last minute arrangements. Total obvilious & rewarded for it. Must be nice to be her = I'm jealous.

DH made framed pix of kids for BM for Christmas the first two years we were together. I told him that it was inappropriate, but he resisted saying "it was for the kids, to have pix of them around their mom's house since she won't do it". He would go to her parents to watch the kids open Santa presents, give her the pix, gets presents from her and her family. BM would get him a Father's Day present "from the kids" -- a book on kids' outings, e.g. One day after he and I had been together for 1.5 yrs, BM brought the kids over on his birthday (right before I got there), and she brought a big fat bday cake from the best bakery in town. I was going to stop and get one on my way over. Boy, was I unhappy!!!

But it wasn't me that stopped this--finally, the third year he and I were together BM told him no more presents. Now we've been married a year and half, together for over 5 years. I help the kids get DH father's day presents, and they handle mother's day over at BM's with her husband. SD likes crafts so sometimes she wants to make a mother's day present when here, and I help her, and help her remember to bring it to BM. I am totally fine with homemade cards, homemade presents or the kids saving up their little earnings and being taken to the store to buy presents for the other parent. No problem.

It's much better now. I'm still a little bitter about how long it took, and that he only listened to her and not to me. I don't bring it up anymore.

In the past before I was with my DH, I always allowed my daughter to make or pick something out for her father on Father's Day, his birthday and Christmas. Now that I'm with DH he's a little uncomfortable by it- okay more than a little. Her father doesn't buy gifts for me so he feels I shouldn't waste the time. To me, when everyone is celebrating Father's Day- I can't ignore the fact that he's her father and she wants to celebrate that. And- he doesn't have a regular significant other to do it for him. Maybe if he would actually settle down with someone things could change.

We still allow my daughter to get gifts for her father, but limit the money to a small amount and allow her to pick it out by herself. Now I just give her $5 and take her to a Dollar Store. She bought him a lot of things for little and was happier picking it all out herself.

My DH on the other hand does not and will not get a gift for his daughter to her BM. He won't even spend $5. THe BM doesn't buy gifts for him either so I guess they don't care.

Actually....I usually buy her something, which is given to BM by SD. Same with Christmas. I'm a freaking sucker.

My BF will not be buying BM anything for any occasion. I will not allow it. My ex does not help our daughter buy me stuff and vise versa. If my daughter wants to give something to BF or any other family member on that side, she makes a card or something like that. Last Christmas, I found a super cheap craft idea on the internet and showed it to my BD7. She liked it and I bought the supplies for her and one of her friends to make for their familes for gifts. They were glass bulbs for the tree that the girls decorated with paint and stickers. BF never said a word about them when he dropped off our daughter. I will not do anything like that again unless BD suggests it.

but I buy my ex-husband's wife gifts! (my kid's stepmom) Usually at Mother's Day I give her a card and write a nice note in it. Hey, anyone who loves and does nice things for my kids has my thanks and support.
Last year on her birthday, we were all at my son's college for his graduation, and I even brought her a birthday present - even with all the preparation and grad gifts and it was even Father's Day weekend and my own Dad was there - I still brought her a bday gift.
She's the ultimate great "wife in law".
Nellie

Rarely lets DH have SS on fathers day, she makes up an outing just to ruin it for him. So no we don't give a damn and to be honest it has never crossed mine nor DH mind to even think of her on Mothers day. The only mother in this house is me, and we wouldn't dream of even asking SS to come over on Mothers Day as we feel he should be with his mum, not his dad.

My DH makes sure my son (not dh's) gets to the shops to get me something and he makes a big deal of our little son to get me something..but really they have stalls at our schools for the kids to get their mums something for a dollar or 2 and my eldest has always done that and I loved the little crafts he gave me. Mothers day is about your kids giving you something they made from their heart in my opinion and I wouldn't even expect anything from SS. But then again he doesn't live here.

I always got my SM a little card and my step dad one also when i was growing up.

Not DH's job, he lost that job when they broke up, thats my opinion. Although, If SS asked for a lift to the shop I would take him, but if he had no money I would tell him to make a nice card.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

I buy small gifts for My Ex, For/From My BS, and My Ex buys stuff For/From Him, to Give Me. My Old Lady as thrown fits about it, but TDB, She gets stuff for Her Exes, Their SOs and Kids, From "Our" Kids...

My Ex and I were VERY Amicable, and Remained Freinds when We Split Up, and spent time With Our Son,as a Family, on Holidays, until I got Together with My Old Lady...

We are His Parents, and whether We were Together or Not, doesn't Change That Fact!

My Old Lady has Her Exes and Their Families at Our House for Holidays,even. I can Tolerate The Exes, for short periods, and actually Like One
"The Stepmom" who was Fool enough to marry one, and Their Kids.

No Matter What The Parents and Stepparents may feel about Each Other, it shouldn't affect doing what's Right, as far as the Kids and Their "Other Parents". I DO NOT EXPECT My Ex'es A$$hole BF to Do Squat for MY (B)Son, any more than I expect My Old Lady's dip$hit
Exes to do what's Right and Get Her Stuff From/For The Kids, I DO IT, Because I am was brought up That Way. My Mom and (S)Dad got Stuff for Me to give My Father on Holidays and made Me Call Him.

There is a DIFFERENCE BETWEEN a Father and Mother which is Biological, and Dad/Mom Which Is Emotional. My Dad will always be
"Jack" Miller (My Stepfather) Not "Skip" Pedley (My Biofather).

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

No, we don't buy gifts for each other in our house but we don't discourage my stepdaughter to get anything either if she wants to. We stated through the attorneys at the time the parenting time was established 8 years ago that gifts should not come from the parents themselves, but from the child. The child can make her own gift or buy them (when she is old enough). However, if my stepdaughter came to me and asked me to help her buy a gift for her mother, I would help her. I don't ever let my personal feelings get in the way of my stepdaughter's life. I want her to be emotionally well rounded and happy and not have to deal with parents who are bitter towards one another.