Step Talk

It seems that there have been a rash of "anonymous" comments that are just (pardon the expression) "meaner than cat piss." There are a lot of stepparent websites that make you not only register but PAY for the privelidge of doing so...err...don't do that!!! =

Either that, or let it be known that bashing or flaming won't be tolerated?? Just some thoughts...

I'm with Fearless. When people hide behind the anonymous postings, they get so ugly. I think if people have to register before posting, they might think twice about their etiquette.

People come here hurting and looking for support and sometimes inflammatory anonymous posts sending them running, which I think is very sad. I think that ending anonymous posting will help preserve the integrity of the site.

Just my thoughts.

Not because I think that they do not say valid things but why not join and let us get to know you.. You know its more personable.. if you are anonymous.. I to did not use my name but I am happy.. And that is it.. Maybe not so happy today.. But usually..

Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

I really don't see a problem with 'anonymous' comments. THe whole web site is anonymous. I mean you make up a name but whats the difference?

Freedom of speech is beautiful ladies

At least that's how I feel. Even though WE don't use full real names, we have gotten to know eachother.

I can say to BF, "oh Fearless made me laugh today". or "Caitlin's BM made an ass out of herself in therapy".

I vote no too. I don't want 'strangers' throwing their 2 cents in 'our' family business.

The problem I see happening is these 'anonymous' writers just opening fake account after fake account anyways..... We are not all going to agree but I like having many different views and ideas all out in the open because sometimes someone says something that I have been feeling but too ashamed to say and it makes me feel like I am not a moster. That someone else out there is experiencing the same emotions as I am. And maybe that person will help me see what I want to change in myself. That is helpful. I would rather talk to someone who is honest than recieve the 'blanket' correct response. In order to grow we need to see other points of views, even if we don't agree......

I feel that a variety of opinion can be obtained from registered posters. Although we all have something in common (we're stepparents) our stories and life experiences are all different.

I don't think that the site is helped by random comments made by those looking to entertain themselves for 3 minutes. Those who are invested enough to register are more likely to make more constructive, respectful comments.

Most websites and blogs that allow for anonymous comments end up with at least some trolls who are just looking to rabble rouse and inflame others with their posts. That gets old real fast.

It's true that we are all anonymous to one another, but we do develop "friendships" of a sort and it's uncomfortable thinking that someone who you thought was a "friend" would sign on anonymously and stab you in the back or rake you over the coals. It's a trust thing, I think, and if you're going to make a hateful comment, you should at least give us a name to attach to the remark. That way, we can avoid you in the future.

I also agree with Loona that a person who is willing to invest the time to set up an account is probably looking for more than a place to take pot shots at people who are hurting and struggling. I absolutely LOVE it when we have a good old-fashioned debate, but an anonymous person who stops in once or twice to judge and spread venom shouldn't be given an opening. That kind of thing isn't conducive to what we're all here to do... to feel better about our situations, to try to find validation and support, and to achieve success in our relationships.

It's gotten to the point where I usually don't read anon posts, anyway, because they usually just piss me off and I really don't need that. But if they are not there, then I don't have to scroll through them and my life would be bliss.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

If you can't spend 3 minutes registering and going through approval then your opinion doesn't matter. I listen to people who look me inthe eye and say their name, you know what I mean. They should be able to read but no comments!

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

I actually like the anonymous posts....keeps things interesting. I have not been offended by anonymous posters, but then again, I have a feeling most of those posters are ex's with an axe to grind.

But as sky22 says, its all views that keep things interesting.

What I do find funny is that sky also brings up another valid point:

We are all anonymous to one another. Unless we have reached out to someone beyond this site. And in that case, you blew your own "cover" anyways.

I have tried very hard to remain neutral, provide advice, accept criticism and take the backhanded comments from people I have somehow offended. I've even been called a bitch once or twice. But in any case, certain anonymous posts definately can provide a different "spin" on something that someone has not thought of.

And besides, if it weren't for being able to post anonymously, I could never have responded those first few times way back when.....

And we all know how much my input has helped ya 'all *eyeroll*.

Love (most of ) ya's anyway.......
Janice
BRING OUR TROOPS HOME.......

People can't make you feel a certain way......We allow ourselves to be affected, we control this.

I learn so much from this site. I need to be anonymous. Please understand.

but...my thoughts are random as usual, the only one that understands me is me..lol, but..look at it this way..
i can be insightful to us dealing with this lunatics...it teaches us patience, it might help us grow.......it can be good practice dealing with flakes, and well...they are here and now and you can say whatever to them that you cant say to your bm and ex's.....
hum, almost seems theraputic to me....somebody i can really give it too!! lol
i know i know i am in a world of my own.....

Madison
"change occurs within"

I don't mind anon posts...what difference does it make? Not everyone belongs to the core steptalk clique. I appreciate all posts...if I can take something from them, I do: if not, I don't. Sometimes people have been frightened away in their state of vulnerability on this site by those who have judged them and they were registered. What does anyone have to fear or get annoyed by a posting from someone you don't know from a hole in the ground, no different than those who are registered. Some of the people on this site, I appreciate their perspective...those I really treasure, anonymous or not!

When someone is pouring their heart out over something very close to home the last thing you need is for some anon ass to make some horrible comment, like one I read yesterday. She says oh get over it and just realise that we had their first kid and they will always love us first b/c we are the REAL loves of their life.

Now I understnad that we can let things go and ignore it, BUT, if you were on the verge of a marriage breakdown and you were in therapy and your therapist said 'for got sake get over it, he will always love his ex and you will never be important to him, blah, blah' how would you feel? And do you really need to hear that when life feels over for you? I don't think so!! It would send some people over the edge and this is the opposite to what this site is about.

We are a family of sorts and I for one feel a little violated and feel bad for the person with the problem who has to read this crap in response to one of their posts! Kick em off and if an account goes unused for more than 3 to 6 months have it deleted, if you are an old user wishing to reactivate, keep your password and reactivate. I don't know the ins and outs of building a site but there must be something we can do!!

Catch xx

Reason being, I like my anonymity. I comment anonymously and I don't bash people, but I've noticed that a lot of other's bash others all the time... anonymous or not. Granted a lot of anonymous comments may seem pretty harsh, but I truly believe that a lot of those anonymous comments are really from people who have identities that are too afraid to comment under their 'name' because of their blunt response.

I don't think it's fair to not allow people to have their privacy when they feel they need it. If it's removed, then I for one, will not be here anymore, and I think that's black listing me. We're all entitled to our opinions whether we agree with each other or not. Being anonymous protects me from other peering eyes that I do not want to stalk me online, or know that it's me. I feel I'd be a sitting duck for people to bash. I'm here just to relate, not bash.

Comment from an Anonymous Poster

Ah ha... an eye opener, eh?

Why, yes? Because, they CHOSE to remain ANONYMOUS for a reason, no? I don't think you should expect people to be open as others all the time. This gives people a free open plat form for discussion and there are many people who don't breeze through this site on a daily bases as some of us may. (Sad aren't we?!?!? LOL)

Second, the way I look at it is this... granted yes, we may all be anonymous, but once you have registered under a name, you are 'tagged' by that name. Example, we know BIOMOM this way, we know Caitlyn this way, we know Candice's view, then we know so and so... etc etc... down the road. When you throw that anonymous poster in, whether we agree with them or not, some of them really do make some points that we may not want to hear. If someone is going to get sensitive with another poster, that's on them, not the anonymous poster. It just means that they hit the right buttons. I've known to get rallied up by them from time to time, but once I sit back and think about it... sometimes I agree with them! (OH... did I just say that?!?!?)

It's kinda like, they will tell us what we don't want to hear, but we really do need to be told, put in our place, you name it. So, I say, yes... it's amusing!

P.S.- I also wanted to add that I can point out several Non-Anonymous posters that are just plain mean to people too... it's NOT just anonymous posters. People will be catty with each other, regardless.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

First, I just want to say that those of you who voted yes have made some very valid and important arguments. As a matter of fact, for the most part I agree with you. I'm a HUGE supporter or anonimity and privacy on the Internet. I've been involved with several projects over the years that directly support and enable just that.

The reason I voted no was mostly because I understand how much work it takes to moderate anonymous posters. Forcing people to register with the site puts up a small barrier that generally prevents those anonymous people who just happen to come across the site from posting SPAM or less-than-helpful opinions. You're still as anonymous as ever, even after you register with the site, but you had to take the time to register before posting. A lot of people that don't have any real interest in contributing to the site will not take that much effort, such as it is, to post.

That said, even some spammers will take the time to actually register with the site to post their SPAM. When I signed in this morning I noticed that a new member had posted three completely SPAM blog entries. It looks like he/she has been taken care of already. But somebody has to do that work (Dawn/Dawn's DH/???).

Maybe it's just an administrative issue that needs to be solved.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.

I almost always "sign" My name, and even if I didn't, My Distinctive Style usually gives me away. I have a habit of forgetting to sign in on the HS, and opening several windows/tabs for blurbs that interest me... Sometimes Not using My regular s/n allaows Me to say or ask things that I DON'T want Lisa to know are from Me, though. If anon's are disallowed, I will have to make another name, for that...or maybe Dawn can set it up so that We can still post as anonymous, by entering Our Registered E-mail addy, I have no idea if it can be done, anything much more than checking Mail and basic web surfing is beyond Me...LOL

Steve

See, I thought that anonymous posters comments were read by a moderator before they are posted?

I just figured the moderators would allow any posts as long as advertising and/or viciousness were not the main goal?

J

I still stand by my original "yes" because I seriously didn't know how my BIO comments would be received, therefore posted anonymously before joining.

I even remember after the warm welcome, I decided to join and never received a confirmation, thinking the moderators refused my application (so to speak).

Dawn was kind enuff to email me and let me know that my spam folder on my email account was probably holding my registration acceptance. And here I thought I was being blocked.

I for one am glad I posted anonymously at first. If my reception was ugly, I would have slithered away to rejoin the rest of the nutty bio's and continued to argue on an "all bio bashing step" forum. Believe it or not, this site has helped me immensely, allowing me to understand the insanity that the steps not only go thru, but put themselves thru.

I can only hope that I have helped someone else just as much......

BRING OUR TROOPS HOME.......