Step Talk

I recently suggested to both my husband, and later to my mom in conversation, that as a step child, people give her more things and treat her diffently because they think she has a hard life. I would suggest not doing that... it didn't go over well... I was, yet again, the bad person. Even though it is so obvious that she is treated very differently just because her mom is difficult.

I think this particular issue is what was the deciding factor to not have biological kids of my own. There would always be this division of him and his daughter versus me and our kids.

What I do try, is to make sure that my husband agrees with the rules in the first place. He can't question them later then. And then, I tend to not leave the daily issues of discipline to him. I just take care of it. For punishments, I stick with minor things like taking away things that she enjoys. It is my house too, I shouldn't have to put up with it... it is for my own sanity.

The bigger issues, I do leave to my husband... which unfortunately doesn't always go well.

Not too much help, I am afraid... good luck to you!

And if that doesn't work, then do it yourself. Communicate the rules, communicate the punishment for not following the rules and then make it happen. Period. Hubby can either step up and do it himself or step back and let you take over, but either way, find out what this child treasures the most and then TAKE IT AWAY if she doesn't behave. He's creating a monster. Actually, he's creating two... a disrespectful child and an irate wife!

Another thing, you don't "beg" for anything! If you want to be elsewhere during her visits, then go! You are his partner, not his property... YOU get to decide your fate. If he doesn't like that, then it's up to him to fix it.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

I actually printed off one of the forums about teenage stepchildren and had him read it last night. He kept sympathized with a the stepfather, when he got to my posted comment he said, uh oh, did you write this? I think he may have finally gotten my point after reading so many people's problems with the same thing, and I think he might have finally seen how I feel! Let's hope for the best. Now will be the challenge to see if he will follow through but at least he may not see it as me just being mean and attacking him becuase he daughter is uncontrollable. Well it's off to work I go!!

I am married to a wonderful man, he has got two kids from a previous marriage that stays with us. I was told that we will never have kids of our own, because it's too difficult for his kids. I have accepted that now, but they are naughty and doesn't listen. How do I get him to send them away for a while so we can spend some quality time together. I am really craving that, he is 15 years older than me, and everytime I suggest we go away alone ... the issue of the kids arrise. I am on the point to tell him that i want a divorce. We were married for a month and got dumped with the kids, she pays nothing towards them, I on the other hand pays half of everything. How do I get my husband to realize that I need time alone with him, maybe over weekends, let them go and sleep out or get a nanny? I can't talk to him about it as he gets really angry. All I want is alone time with him ... where we don't have to worry that the kids will come into the bedroom, like they do .... they just do not listen. We bought the house we live in together, they keep on telling me I must just remember it is their daddy's house ... what can I do before its too late?

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

You can't make them do anything b/c in their eyes (blind eyes) their children are angels.

Best to disengage as much as possible.