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Breaking up a blended family and being left with ALL the kids

blendedmother's picture

So me and my SO are in the process of breaking up. He has custody of his son, my step-son. SO is an alcoholic, that's the reason for the breakup. SO receives child support from bio-mother. SO is moving out as the house is mine and he is leaving his son and taking the child support. I am not sure what to do without causing emotional damage to my step-son who has lives with us for 5 years now and is 11YO. I was a stay-at-home mother so I have no income already. I am at such a loss right now. I have already filed for child support for the 2 children we have together but I know that takes time. I am really just at a loss as to how he can leave his son and take the child support. I would raise his as I have always loved my step-son I just don't think its right for SO to take the support that is supposed to be used for the child. I know he will use it to fund his drinking and that just seems wrong but I feel like there is nothing I can do about it.

blendedmother's picture

She is an addict and complete wreck. That is why he had filed for custody and won years ago.

notarelative's picture

Do you have a lawyer for the divorce? Ask the lawyer if he thinks, based upon circumstances, that you can get custody (and thus the child support).

Does BM see her child at all? Does she have partial custody that could be increased to full?

If SO moves out and abandons the child you could call child services. They could take legal custody of the child, but leave him in your care as a foster. Here they'd be more likely to leave him in your care than remove him, as you would be what they call fictive kin, but that may not be the case everywhere.

blendedmother's picture

I have been trying for weeks now. I have been offered a few jobs but non of the jobs i have been offered pay enough to pay for both the mortgage and child care for my youngest 2 that would need it. That is not even considering electricity, water and vehicle insurance. I need to make at least $3500 a month after taxes etc just to cover bills and childcare for 1 child. I have not looked into the cost for the second as I have not found anything even close to that. I have no car payment, no credit card debt and no cable.

still learning's picture

You may need to sell, downsize and get assistance for awhile until you're on your feet. You could even open up a home daycare to earn money and save on your own daycare.

In regards to your ss, I just don't know how you're going to take care of him. Does he have grandparents or other family that will take him in? Call social services and ask about your options. They try to find family placements before putting kids in foster care. Poor kid got a bad hand, addict mom, drunk abandoning dad.

Rags's picture

Get a lawyher and leave STBXH destitute living under the local overpass. I would if I were you.

He does not get to abandon his unrelated child by his XW with you and you have no responsibility to raise that kid. I understand why you might want to but .... your responsitibility is for your own bio kids.

blendedmother's picture

How can i afford a lawyer? Are there some I am unaware of that help people like me?