So Selfish!
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We are getting married next Saturday. Late this afternoon,SD14 texts her dad and tells him she wants to go to a youth conference next weekend instead of coming to the wedding. She asked him what his thoughts were on that. REALLY??? REALLY??? He is upset, which upsets me. I know he will be very hurt if she doesn't come. But I'm also afraid that she will decide to create some ugly drama if she doesn't get her way. That definitely won't be a day when we will want to deal with her drama. ARGH! At this point, I don't even know what to say.
Agree with Osweetjesus!! One
Agree with Osweetjesus!! One less ugly face to look at
If she isn't in the wedding
If she isn't in the wedding (since she made that request,I would guess she isn't)why force her to be there?
I had the "joy" of including
I had the "joy" of including my SS13 in the wedding -- he kept our rings and did a sand ceremony with us. It has taken everything in me since then to not toss out the vase with the sand in it. After a year though I don't really care anymore.
Your SD14 is not an idiot and knows that this of course will hurt her father and you as well. I bet she did it just to get a rise and BM was probably involved as well.
Don't concern yourself with her. This is your day with your husband. I guarantee you won't be thinking about her at all. You will be so busy and everyone wanting to see you and tell you how beautiful you look, you won't have time to eat! (Make sure you get to eat though).
It goes by so fast, you have to enjoy it. If SD14 doesn't go it's her loss and a choice I am sure she will regret later. I was lucky enough to have the photographer forget, and us as well to do a photo with the three of us. Darn!!!
But honestly, does she really have a choice to NOT go? Where does she get the idea that she has a choice in this matter anyway at age 14? I couldn't imagine SS13 stb 14 announcing to us that he isn't coming over next weekend. (I am of course waiting on the edge of my seat to be told that he doesn't want to come visit his father, but so far, no go.)
You need to relax this week, let fiance handle his selfish and rude daughter. She's testing the water.
The pictures will prove to
The pictures will prove to her that daddy can be perfectly happy even if she isn't there instead of depressingly unhappy as she would like to believe. Skids actually think they are the center of the universe and when that is debunked their world crumbles down around them.
This is a tough one. I am
This is a tough one. I am disengaged from her. No words are exchanged between us. My fiancé and I are getting married by a judge in a private ceremony, but we are having a big reception afterwards. At first, I wasn't planning to have anyone come to the ceremony, but my mother and my daughters really wanted to be there. So we decided to have our parents and our kids come. I wasn't thrilled from the get go about her being there with her bad attitude. But that's his daughter. He wants her there, so I figured I would just deal with it. Seemed like the right thing to do.
The last I heard (before he left for work last night) was that he told her the mere fact that she was suggesting that she go to the conference shows how selfish and disrrspectful she is, and she should just go do what she wants. Whether that was the end of it or not, I don't know. If he tells her she has to come, I think she will be awful. I've gotten much better at ignoring her, but her dad would have to deal with the little tyrant. It would certainly be easier if she doesn't come, but I know he will be sad.
Why does a 14-year-old think she gets to decide? Good question. That's part of the problem around here.
^^^Yup^^^ What Sally said.
^^^Yup^^^
What Sally said.
Exactly.
Exactly.
But she isn't getting to
But she isn't getting to decide. Hell, she isn't even acting like the choice is hers. She told him she wants to attend the conference and asked his thoughts on it. If she felt that she had the power to make the final call, she would have just told him she was going to the church event.
Honeslty, the two of you do not even speak. Why in the world would she want to attend your wedding. The fact that dad wants her there knowing darn well how things are between the two of you makes him look like th selfish one. You and the kid seem to be the only reasonable ones.
I'd ship her off to the
I'd ship her off to the conference! If dad forces her to be there she'll just mope the whole time. Let her have her way especially when it will benefit you. Your day will be so much more peaceful. Do some step family bonding later...after the honeymoon.
DH insisted that ss30 be at our ceremony. The cretin came and was rude and drunk the whole time. Silly me not seeing the signs and setting boundaries of steel then.
People have to go to family
People have to go to family weddings all the time for unions they're less than thrilled with. It's just what you have to do with family. My poor daughter tolerated her intolerable in laws at her own wedding. What can you do?
That being said, I certainly wouldn't miss SD if she wasn't there. Will keep you all posted. Btw, she doesn't speak to my daughters either. She won't even look at them. I suspect that it's because she knows that they know how awful she's been to their mother.
" Btw, she doesn't speak to
" Btw, she doesn't speak to my daughters either. She won't even look at them."
Yup,dad is the selfish one here. More than likely, he is holding on to some sick idea that you will all be one happy family.
I'm still not sure how this
I'm still not sure how this will pan out. I checked out the conference information and it seems that she missed the deadline by a couple of weeks. It's possible that she won't be able to go.
If she comes to the wedding, I'm sure the photos will be lovely. She rarely smiles anyway, so I guess they will be realistic.
Apparently, she's decided to
Apparently, she's decided to come to the wedding. She is bringing a friend and (get this) now she also wants to bring some boy that she just met at her new school. Give me a freakin' break! I told my fiance that there are friends and relatives I didn't invite so we could keep our numbers reasonable. My own adult kids have friends whom I've know their entire lives whom I would have liked to have included, but I didn't do that. But now, we are supposed to have some boy there whom we've never even met, in order to keep the fourteen-year-old drama queen happy. Shouldn't one friend be plenty for her to invite?? We've known that friend for years. She's only known this boy for a month and we have never met him. How did we go from her insisting that she wasn't going to live with us anymore because I'm a horrid bitch, to her saying she wasn't coming to our wedding, to now she's coming and bringing TWO friends?? Is it unreasonable that I'm bothered by this?? It's not going to cost us any more, but I feel like this is just craziness. Or am I going crazy??
Congrats on your marriage.
Congrats on your marriage. SD-14 is lucky to attend. I think allowing a child to have a 'plus one' is very generous. SD-14 is treating your wedding as a free date, a chance to pretend to be a grown-up. Wrong.
Right, she's a child. She
Right, she's a child. She doesn't need a plus one.. I'm fine with the one friend, who is a nice girl. I'm not fine with a second friend, who is a boy we don't even know. I'm not willing to go so far as to say no wedding. I'm looking forward to this day. My parents and my BD24 are flying in from out of town. BD26 and her husband have put a lot of work into helping me pull this together. I won't have it spoiled by one dumb ass teenager, who would be thrilled if she managed to spoil it. I made my feelings about this known to my fiancé, and then I told him I didn't want to discuss it anymore. Im just glad to hear from you all that I'm not crazy for thinking this is crazy.
Oh, Sally! You're good!
Oh, Sally! You're good! Lol!
I'm with the other member who
I'm with the other member who suggested telling your DF in a sweet way, this is not the hill for him to die on when it comes to his daughter. Yes she's being unsupportive but if he forces her, it will make her resentful.
Support his decision to let her go do her other thing and say there will be other celebrations she'll be more comfortable attending.
Leave it at that.
He left it up to her. But he
He left it up to her. But he told her that if she wasn't coming to the wedding, she shouldn't expect him to play taxi driver, allow sleepovers, etc. She decided that she will come to the reception. I don't know if she will come to our civil ceremony that morning or not. Funny how her tune changes when it involves her own self interest.
Again, dad is the problem
Again, dad is the problem here. He's blackmailing her. He is the only one who wants her there. He's the parent and he is teaching his kid how to treat others. If he can do this to his child, he won't think twice about doing the same to you.
Sally, I don't think so. She
Sally, I don't think so. She has been an absolute brat. I agree with how he handled it. I don't think a person who shows such a lack of consideration for others deserves to have her ass kissed. We live in the city, along the subway line. She gets a free pass from her school to ride anytime. Its not as if she can't get around without a driver.
Her brother will bring her to the reception. He lives at mom's and that's where SD is staying this weekend. There are five hours between the ceremony and the reception, so he's going back to the house anyway.
I live in NYC~24 hour bus and
I live in NYC~24 hour bus and subway service. Students here have metrocards to use on school days (I think they are good until 8pm) Parents with cars still drive their kids around because some events run late. Asking your parent to drive you around instead of getting on the train late at night, isn't having them kiss your ass. It's putting safety first. My oldest niece is 16. If she has a late practice, my sister, BIL or my parents will drive to the dance studio and pick her up. There's a bus stop right outside of the studio and the subway is less than a block away. She has her teen moments. But her parents would never tell her to get on the bus or train as "payback".
She's fourteen. She isn't
She's fourteen. She isn't involved in any activities that require her to be out late. If she had some kind of important event to attend, she would certainly get a ride for that. The things she wouldn't have rides to are things like the haunted house she went to this past weekend. It involved picking up her friend in a different neighborhood, driving about half an hour each way to the haunted house, and waiting around until they were done. I thought that was going to way more trouble than she deserved, given her behavior as of late.
Sally, I might also have let her make her choice without any warning of the potential consequence. I think he often tries to give her multiple opportunities to make good choices, rather than just slamming her with the consequences after she's made bad ones. I understand that, but I don't think she has had to suffer many consequences for her bad behavior, so things just continue to get more difficult. It's very frustrating.