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1st wedding anniversary falls on Father's Day :(

lorlors's picture

I feel so selfish but my first wedding anniversary happens to fall on Father's Day this weekend. My husband is obviously taking his kids out for Father's Day lunch. It is selfish yes I know but it SUCKS as I would have loved some alone time with my husband on this day.....

Not a question, just a moan!

Monchichi's picture

Many Australians observe Father's Day on the first Sunday of September. It is a day for people to show their appreciation for fathers and father figures.

Didn't you know, the correct way to show a father respect on this special day is for him to buy you lunch?

Willow2010's picture

To me it would depend on the age...if they are younger, then DH needs to spend fathers day with them AND his wife. If they are older/adults, he can spend his anniversary with his wife and celebrate fathers day another day with skids.

IMHO...no matter how old, he should spend lunch with kids and his wife. And dinner with his wife. No need for this to be a choice between the two. But it does sound like a lot of women here WANT him to choose. Strange.

Snowflake's picture

Oh wow.

In my home, we celebrate holidays on the days that they are. I have bios with my dh, and so I have no issue getting a babysitter for things. If it were me, dh would take the skids/kids out for lunch on Father's Day, no problem. But then he would take me for a nice anniversary dinner afterwards. But in my home, my marriage is as important as the kids.

I would feel the same if it were Mother's Day. I would take my bios out to brunch or lunch and then get a sitter to celebrate the anniversary with my husband.

furkidsforme's picture

No one thought about this when getting married on or near Fathers Day???? I mean, you had to realize this would happen.

Monchichi's picture

tommar, in OP's defense (and because I haven't checked her blogs)we have no idea how long the skids are there for. Maybe OP's H has them all weekend and week. Refuses to leave them with a sitter and ta da no anniversary dinner.

This is quite unlikely, but I'm trying here. OP there is compromise in everything. Whether these were your own bio's or steps you would have to share fathers day and your anniversary this year. So go with the flow, let them have their morning and lunch. You plan dinner either the Sunday or the Saturday as well as sexy time. If necessary arrange a sitter.

You can do it both Smile

Snowflake's picture

I don't think any person on this board set out to marry a guy who has kids. Not one person .

ChiefGrownup's picture

Sally, this is the best line ever. Puts everything instantly into perspective. I am going to have it tattoed in some spot I can flash at my dh to remind him of his priorities when he's conveniently ignoring she-devil's wretched behavior.

"Hey, dude! I'm the on giving...."

Let's see that would be: HDITOGTBJ

All hail, Sally. You've got a brain like a laser!

Disneyfan's picture

?????

Hopefully the man can walk and chew gum at the same time.

I just don't understand why this has to be an either/or situation. The man can celebrate both things on the same day.

Disneyfan's picture

THIS

My sister and BIL's anniversary is the end of June. There are times when their anniversary is the same day ad their daughters' dance recital. One year they had the recital, girl scouts end of year celebration and had to get their youngest son to a birthday party on their anniversary. They spent their anniversary running around to kid events. The next morning they hopped on a plane and went to the Dominican Republic for a few days to celebrate their anniversary.

Disneyfan's picture

Why can't he celebrate both on the same day? He's taking the kids out for lunch. So just plan to go out to dinner to celebrate your anniversary.

There's really no need for hurt feelings or to be disappointed.

Snowflake's picture

Exactly. I don't understand why Father's Day is a whole days event. If he has them that evening, why not get a sitter for a few hours in the evening.

SMto2's picture

Is your DH going to have the SKs ALL weekend? If not, can't you celebrate on Saturday?? It seems like you're making an issue out of something that is totally unnecessary. My and DH's anniversary is after our 2 bios are back in school after Summer break. (Didn't think about that when we picked our wedding date, since we didn't have any bios and SSs were EOW, and school has been starting earlier & earlier the past few years!) Anyway, every year, we go somewhere to celebrate, just the 2 of us, about 3 weeks before our actual anniversary. On "the" actual day this year, my DH was out of town for work, but it was fine with me, since we'd already taken an amazing trip to the Caribbean to celebrate earlier in the month. I think that's just part of being mature about your relationship, especially when you have children. IMHO, as someone who's been happily married for 16 years, if you want your DH to think you're a saint and love you even more, you suggest to him that you celebrate your anniversary another day so he can spend Father's Day focused on his kids.

SugarSpice's picture

sorry to hear about this. one cannot change bad luck. i agree with others that you celebrate your anniversary on another day- just the two of you.

ChiefGrownup's picture

The care and feeding of the marriage is top priority in this scenario. Otherwise dad will one day be back to juggling his kids around dates with strange new women he's trying to romance because he's now divorced and has no help at home, either.

Father's Day is supposed to be kids DOING for and SACRIFICING for Dad! How old are these kids? Are they old enough to give dad the gift of time and space to nurture his private life? Or is it all really just an excuse for Dad to lavish more attention and resources on kids who are taking, not giving?

The first year of marriage is tough for anyone but super tough for spouses who become steps. I know that I had sacrificed a tremendous amount of my personal expectations and happiness at that point. Up until our anniversary came near, I had never envisioned myself as being much of an anniversary celebrator. But suddenly I realized the yearmark was so momentous we had absolutely better acknowledge and celebrate. Dh and I both made it memorable and it was wonderful, just us two. Whereas our wedding had been split amongst so many people--including the dreadful sd--this celebration felt much more romantic and possibly even more special.

There will be plenty of Father's Days to come but this first anniversary can never be re-captured. If op spends this milestone in resentment and sadness, it will not be good for their marriage.

This last spring we did our American Father's Day a week early because DH had elective travel plans on the real date. Fun was had by all, I blogged it. Nothing lost by doing it on a different day. Nobody jumped down my throat for doing it on the wrong day. Which is very different from this thread. Beginning to sound like another case of every possible thing in the universe is more important and virtuous than a smom's needs. Kids won't know the difference if they are young anyway.

If Father's Day must be done on same day, I recommend going all out to manage the two celebrations so as not to conflict with each other. Why don't they do FD as it is done for tens of millions of Mothers? Do brunch? Leave the rest of the day and evening for anniversary. Or have a rocking celebration on Saturday for the anniversary----then on Sunday exchange awesome gifts in private after skids are gone or in bed.

Whatever you do, mark your first anniversary with joy, not resentment. Your marriage needs this fuel.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Just remembered--sd's bf also did Father's Day on the same early date that we did. I guess Father's Day can be moved around and it is obviously common to do it!

moeilijk's picture

Who are these people that care about this stuff?

If you want to celebrate your anniversary, you go do that. If you also have other things coming up at that time, you figure it out.

I think if someone wants a special anniversary and they don't even tell their partner, they just assume that the kids are more important than they are, and so the whole family makes a big fuss over father's day and the anniversary is forgotten... I think that person is building up a shitload of resentment and is being a martyr and an idiot.

And ffs, if your life is so g-d busy that you can't handle 30 minutes of rah-rah Daddy AND going out to dinner or something similar on the same day, then clearly you're overscheduled.

lorlors's picture

Thanks for all the responses. I'm not being mean or selfish just acknowledging that in a relationship with no skids, clashes like this would not happen. In answer to those that said I should have known about Father's Day by way of background, I am irish and moved to australia to be with my now husband. In Ireland Father's Day is on a completely different day than australia so I didn't foresee it. I'm not getting tangled up in knots over it, it's just an annoyance and I wanted to see what you guys thought about it and how annoying things like this are for you.

The stepkids are 13 and 14 so DH will take them out for lunch. He was actually going to celebrate Father's Day next weekend with them but I insisted that he should see them on Father's Day as I would always want to see my dad if I could.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Must speak up. Who is "resenting affection" for kids? Most of us currently are or have in the past spent much energy on facilitating the fathers' relationships with their kids and bending our own schedules, finances, etc and so forth to make sure dads have good experiences with their kids. You should see everything I just did in the last 36 hours. I know plenty ladies here do way more than I do.

The first anniversary is a big deal. There is nothing wrong with wanting to mark it. Pretending you never have any needs or that your spouse doesn't is a good way to end up depressed and more.

Disneyfan's picture

But her husband was going to celebrate Father's day a week later. The OP is the one who insisted he nit change anything. How in the world can you be upset about something you put in place????? :? :?