Need advice
See last post for a tad of what I've been dealing with.
My question :
SS adult. Is taking college courses and play in the band at games.
Ok, I'm good with not going unless invited.
The SS or SD daughter will not invite me as stated previously bc of BM. They said she's a drama queen
But, then again they tell her and father they don't like me.
But DH doesn't want to go bc he says it's not fair to me. That he doesn't want to be anywhere near BM. Or have BM take pics of him and put it on social media. Which she has.
He says also, he doesn't think his children should be telling him I'm not invited. That he should be able to have me go with him because we are a couple.
I personally think the more... BM sees us together the more she will be able to see how we interact together. That we are strong and that we are not breaking up no matter how hard she tries.
I think also, a lot of the drama would go away. Because I'm presenting myself as me and in a public place. I don't think she'll cause drama in a public place.
Right now, I feel like I'm having to hide. I can't say I like that.
I was not invited to any of the graduations or events. The BM invited DH to go to a game and sit by her. DH blew a gasket. Then, she shamed him bc he said no. Another quilt trip.
She invited him last Saturday as well. They are not on cordial after divorce terms. She's made it very clear I'm am to not be in his life or their lives ever.
So, what should I do.
I've already been accused of many things, and made fun of. So, what do I have to loose at this point ?
Then just go!!!! if its a
Then just go!!!! if its a public thing they cant tell you you cant be there, if they ask about it just your supporting your DH supporting his kids.
Don't know why my responses
Don't know why my responses aren't showing up.
Thanks
Changes are going to start
Changes are going to start happening. And anymore feedback is welcome. Never had step children before. It's not easy.
No it isn't easy. I think
No it isn't easy. I think you have to decide what is right for you and you alone, even exclusive of your husband. I know some say "go" to these types of events where SM is seen as an intrusion by ? and others say "don't go," etc. But, we are all different. Some SMs are fine taking care of and sticking up for themselves. Other SMs are more sensitive. It is not like we can all be put into one category of SM and be expected to act the same, by any means. BUT, that is what these pages are for. . . to get opinions AND different opinions. And, my opinion is that you have to decide for yourself. If you can tough it out, put up with wayward glances, shrug it all off later and not feel lessened by the experience, then go. On the other hand, if seeing your SS roll his eyes as he sees you approach is going to keep you up at night, then maybe not. Because, you feel what you feel. Although, I do really like your comment that by going, BM may be forced into accepting reality. Odd the SKs would want to pander to her like that and feed her delusion. It is a "convenience" that is going to cost them a relationship with their father, at some point: SM doesn't want to go to or isn't invited to events = dad doesn't want to go to events (no fun going alone without your partner) = less contact with dad = poor relationship with dad.
P.S. I think some of it might depend on if your husband has your back or not at these events. It's easier to put up with negative reactions from other relatives, if your husband makes it clear you're with him.
Not only do you go ... every
Not only do you go ... every time ... you look amazing when you go, be radiant, be happy, you and DH be way into each other, by your actions with each other you let BM know that she is not only zero concern she is a cockroach to be stomped if she so much as thinks she counts as shit for anything. The Skids should see their dad happy and compare that to their pathetic manipulative toxic womb donor. }:)
Most of all .... have fun and make stomping the cockroaches as they run from your happy radiance your new hobby.
Own her ass and you do that by not giving her any consideration at all and by barring her ass each and every time she so much as twitches out of compliance with decent behavior.
" own that ass " I love that.
" own that ass "
I love that. That's going to be in my mind next event of whatever
First, your DH needs to
First, your DH needs to decide if he wants to go to these events or not. Their disrespect aside, does he want to go and deal with the BM drama?
If he wants to go, then do what Rags suggested and go with him. Go with him and work it and own it.
Like your DH, my DH cannot stand being around BM. She is so fake and so evil, she just sucks the air out of the room. When SD had her first child, she told DH she would make sure BM was not there when we went to the hospital to visit. Of course, we knew she would not have the guts to tell BM to not be there and even if she did, BM loves to stir shit (and act like she's not).
I made sure I looked great and my personality was on fire. There was nothing negative that BM could do or say about me that wouldn't make her look like the total bitch that she is.
My DH, on the other hand, was kind of an ass (my DH is hardly EVER an ass but BM's friend tried to take pictures of him) so if your DH can't handle being around BM, it may not be worth going. DH actually did not say one word to BM but the tension was high.
By the way, your DH's ex sounds a lot like my DH's ex. Fortunately, we do not deal with her anymore, at all.
I loved reading your
I loved reading your response. And yes, if I go to an event I'm going to look good. I'm going to be in my best form. So, if she has courage to start a fire I guess I'll see.
It's hard to believe all this has happened . I remember awhile back him saying would be ok to meet my ex just so she knows what you look like.
But, trust me this lady is crazy. Very delusional. The things that come out of her mouth. Like even 4 months ago he was driving and answered his phone. I guess it was her and she said I know you don't love me anymore ... Blah blah.... Then top it off by saying I thought you find someone I approve of.
I was floored. Like that sounds like something that a mother says to her son or daughter thinking about marriage.
Stupid...
I do know also she IS using her daughters phone. I keep telling DH that is not his daughter texting him , it's the EX. He won't believe me.
So, something is going down.
She has been also been talking about me to some locals. I'm getting some dirty looks. Like I moved to this state. Nobody really knows me here. They just know DH and BM.
She's dirty and low down. So, I'm proceeding with caution. But, she's 2 people. Victim and drama shit stirrer
P.s boy if SD ever has a
P.s boy if SD ever has a baby. More drama !! Oh no
I can only imagine what kind of zoo that would be. Heavens no. Maybe neither one will have children
There will only be as much
There will only be as much drama as your DH allows. My DH refuses to be manipulated by SD, and that includes anything having to do with her kids (she has 2). We do not even see them that often.
That's the key, your DH does not have to allow any bullshit. My SD knows without any doubt that she would never win the "pick me over your wife" stance. Never. So, she doesn't play that card.
She tested him once when I called her a liar. She was lying about me to cover her own ass, to make me look like the bad guy and make DH mad at me. So, I called her a liar and she asked DH, "Are you gonna let her talk to me like that?" She was almost 18, by the way, not a young child.
And DH told her, "Like what? She's not the one lying." Yeah, she figured out what was what and who was who.
Sd already told me a few
Sd already told me a few months ago when we.. We're taking her stuff her face by waving her finger at me saying I'm the only girl in his life and don't you ever forget it. I laughed back at her and rolled my eyes. Her dad was pissed. I couldn't even eat my food. I just said I'm taking this home. He made his daughter get me a box. She hated that.
After that episode she's been an ass and up BM 's butt. All bc he said I'm with my two favorite girls. Holding his daughters hand. She went psycho on me.
So, she's already trying to claim my spot.
He's talked to her extensively. But, she at times got it. Then didn't . Then admitted she knows it's not all about her.
But, SD and BM are still fighting for top spot. It's like I'm stuck in a wolf pack of alphas and alpha wanna bes.
BM told her children to not
BM told her children to not come to our house anymore 2 months ago. They haven't
I don't understand why she can do that to adult children, no shame I suppose. Don't they know they have a dad too who loves them ??
I'm tired of all this going on , behind my back.
I'm by far not a coward.
I am though respectful. And that has not worked either. So, I want to go with DH as a normal thing we are, shake off dirty looks, glances of hate. I'm in love with a good man. He's so much my right hand. If he could read this, he'd be smiling.
We get along remarkably.
So, the best thing for BM is to see me and get over it. I think she needs a dose of reality. She pays a fee to maintain a blog of her past. Some of the posts are conflicting. She is a straight up nut case. So, I am a little nervous of her stirring me in public. It'd take a lot. But, considering her damage brain and mouth so far I could potentially be in trouble fast.
But, then again she may be silent ! Idk. It's like she'll talk about how she doesn't want to hear from me ever, she refers to me as her. Lol
Sometimes she writes him very strange things. Very bizarre delusional stuff.if I go into detail she would know me on here.
But, she seems very sneaky, loud ( I guess she yells a lot ) , writes long sob stories a lot !!! But, yet I heard she is a B from hell.
That's why I'm asking advice.
All his friends who know her say what ever you do never let her meet your ex wife !!!
It will no doubt urk me if I get eye rolls or dirty looks. But, if it happens oh well. I'm tired of hiding.