step daughter .....
I am a stepmom of 2 girls. Have been around in their lives for 5 years. My husband gets them 2 days a week. For about 3 years now the younger one (8) has had really up and down mood swings. I am on good terms with the mom and we always report behavior so any punishment or anything can carry on home to home. She's constantly punished because of bad behavior, lately she's been great but I seriously am always on edge waiting for her to snap the other way. The other day she tells me she doesn't like anyone and we are so boring. ...just always so negative. If u have been to our house it looks like toys r us. For our low income, our family members give them every thing. The older one does not act like this at all. U wouldn't even think they are sisters. My husband and I have been very good w reward systems and they have been great for a few months but just like the other day the sudden negativity out of no where confuses us...her mom knows and calls her "emotional" and she's been in counseling for a few years. I try to be patient and try to be a good role model and step parent along side my husband but it gets so frustrating and makes me not even want to be around let alone spend any money on her (going places any gifts ect.). I'm thinking it may be diff if she was mine? Any advice welcomed:)
Quit catering to her, quit
Quit catering to her, quit accepting the moody bullshit, clearly establish and enforce behavioral standards and when she violates those standards apply appropriate and increasingly unpleasant consequences.
The job of the blended family parenting team is not to deliver a happy life for a kid it is to raise all of the kids in the equation to viable self supporting adulthood and an adulthood that adds more to their community than they take. If they chose not to comply with the behavioral standards of the home then they can live in abject misery as a result of those choices and they can find happiness on their own time and their own dime after they launch. It is a pretty simple concept that works wonders when it is implemented and enforced consistently.
This worked for my bride and I in raising our son (my SS). When he was in compliance with the rules he was happy and enjoyed his life. When he failed to comply he lived in abject misery. Now at 23, on his own, supporting himself, working on school, serving in the USAF he is happier and he has ever been. The three of us have always been close. Since his mom and I started dating when he was 15mos old. He, his mom, and I get closer every minute.
It works, give it a try.