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Separation Anxiety and co-sleeping

Step_in_Time's picture

Hi there! I have been with DH for four years (dating anniversary is today!). So I have been with him since his son was 2. We have had a lot of back and forth with the ex, and she was very emotional and nuts for a really long time, though it seems we are finally coming out of that. The issue is that my SS has major separation anxiety and I'm not sure what to do about it. Every night he is here, without fail, he will freak out at bed time and start bawling his little face off because he misses his mom. Every. Single. Time. He said something tonight in his anxiety-driven sob fest that made me think. He said "But I have to sleep all by myself here."

he's 6. Of course he's sleeping by himself. He's always slept by himself here.

The story goes that when my DH left the ex, my SS was about 1.5. At that point, he was in his own bed. The ex felt sad and lonely, so allowed co-sleeping and he's been doing that ever since. And he's now 6. I am trying not to be judgey. I know that I loved to sleep in my mom's bed always. But like, I feel like there needs to be consistency between houses. We have a full sized bed here. We can barely fit me, the husband, and the cat. Never mind a thrashy 6 year old.

So how do we cope with the anxiety and co-sleeping? I've tried distraction, but that only seems to work for a little bit. Ugh.

Step_in_Time's picture

I think maybe I wasn't clear in my original post about the entire situation. He doesn't actually co-sleep through the night at our house like he does at his mom's. My husband will cuddle with him til he falls asleep if he's having separation anxiety and then leave. I don't want the kid to be miserable when he comes here.

I don't expect to have any control over what happens at his mom's house, I apologize if that's the impression you got from my initial post. There is a lot of great communication and a united front between houses, generally, so it's not entirely out of the question that we can all chat about it and come to some sort of agreement.

In addition, I don't allow my step son in my bed. I just don't. I never have. If he comes into our room in the morning wanting to cuddle, my husband goes into his room to do so.

Echo, why do you recommend the not speaking and letting him melt down?