When my brother was in high school, I always went to his basketball games. The mother of one of his teammates and her ex-husband were good friends.

At first, I couldn't figure out the relationship because I knew who her husband was but could not figure out who this other guy was, rooting for the same kid and discussing the game with the mom and her husband, sometimes sitting with them. Or sometimes, the husband would not be there and this guy would sit with her. I thought maybe it was her brother.

Nope, found out it was her ex-husband. He had a girlfriend, too and they were all friends, would have dinner together and the whole bit. I asked her about it and she told me when her and her ex divorced, they agreed they would be as friendly as possible for their son's sake. They didn't want him to feel like he was in the middle or had to choose or any of that bullshit.

They were all nice, normal people (not like the psycho ex of DH's)) but still.

i think divorced parents can get along only when both parents have moved on and only if the new spouses are acceptrd as a friend as well.

I personally would have had no problem with bm had she been sane and not so jealous that her ex had moved on. But she, who didn't even know me, would say nasty things about me to my ex. She would text him and email him crap about me. Then she would call him and tell him that they needed to be besties for the sake of the kids. Nope, nope, and nope. I was not going to have my husband, who I have children with as well be friends with a woman who would talk about me, his wife, and he generally toxic to my marriage My marriage matters not only to me but the kids that we brought into this world. I told him point blank (after years of crap) he could be married to me or be her friend, but not both. He chose me.

Now had she been normal and actually been a grown up who faced the reality that she was divorced and that her ex moved on, and had she been at least cordial to me, then I would have had no problem with a very transparent friendship with US.

I think that the person who posted the Facebook message is trying to make herself be seen as number 1 in his life, because they have a kid together. She is trying to passive aggressively show the new girlfriend that will always have her ex by her side. Oh, is she in for a world of change!

I will also say, that I have no problem being around or shooting the breeze with DH's first ex-wife and DH has no problem with her, either. She just has a completely different lifestyle and there is no reason for us to hang out with her.

But his second ex-wife is another story, she is related to Satan. So, it really does depend on the people involved.

My sister and her ex husband did stuff together for a long time after their divorce. I do think that when divorced people do this, they need to make sure that the kids understand that being friends does not mean a reconciliation is coming. I truly believe that my nephew got his heart broken, thinking that his parents would one day get back together. He hates my niece (his half sister, he was seven when she was born), I think he sees her as the reason that they didn't back together.

As much as people say divorce is common and plenty of children of divorce grow up just fine and blah, blah, blah, it is hard on families, especially children. Especially when their emotional needs are ignored and the adults just go about their lives, with the kids basically just tagging along.

If the grown ups can act like grown ups, get along (in some form), and truly be there for their children, I'm all for it.

Best friends my ass.
This lady is delusional and time will change all that for her real quick!

I have a friend who is "friends" with her ex, they do all the kids events together and save each other seats and such, but can't seem to figure out why they have issues dating other people, and the new people don't stick around, huh, maybe because it seems like you and your ex are still together???? Huh?
Soon enough they will figure it out

Me and my ex, were not friends, were "business partners" in the business of raising two kids, very professional relationship.

DH and BM, BM wishes they were best friends with benefits! She just got over the delusion that he was "having a midlife crisis" and would come running back to her crazy ass. For the last 7 years she has been trying to date him again. She only contacts him to start drama, he will not go within 500 feet of her now because of her past antics.

I say good luck to the delusional Facebook girl!

True friendship implies an emotional intimacy. Most people do not want their spouse to be emotionally intimate with their ex.

But to each his own - if all involved partners are happy with a platonic (or not) version of polyamory - well then have at it. But don't try to convince the rest of us that it's what needs to be done "for the children".

If the ex and I didn't have kids I would never speak to or see him again. Since we do have kids I play nice and am cordial since it's much cheaper than hashing everything out in court, but "besties" I don't think so.

well, I get along just great with my exhusband and his new wife. We do joint birthday parties. We all sit together at the school plays. He cheated on me. i busted him when I was pregnant with our third child. He's a serial cheater. BUT he didn't marry the other woman. Years down the road he met a very nice girl from California. She's very good to my kids and has no kids of her own. She's nice and respectful to me and vice versa. My kids love her. If she was the affair partner, this would probably not be the case. If my ex husband was mowing my lawn and fixing my leaky sink, this would not be the case. But I think we have proper boundaries and my kids are not the typical kids of divorce. we don't let them play us. We communicate.

Now I repartnered and had a baby with someone else and that's why I ended up on this site. Because my babys father's EX is a nut job and they can not co parent in any way. It used to be me at the stepkid's school plays video taping it because they couldn't be in the same room with each other.

But like Still Learning, if I didn't have three kids with my ex I'd have nothing to do with him. Nothing. But I have to play nice and get along for 12 more years. But our lives are definitely easier and there is way way less conflict that what I have witnessed my baby's half sister's go through with their mom and dad

I’m taking a different angle and going on record as saying I actually think it is a bad idea to be besties after a divorce. Cordial, yes. Besties, no. It really sends an extremely conflicting message to the children of divorce, as a couple of people have already alluded to above. Parents supposedly get divorced because they can’t “possibly” live together any more, and yet here they are running around like teens on a high school date. Kids can’t help but think reconciliation is just around the corner. God help the girlfriend or boyfriend that starts going out with mom or dad with this going on. Kids are going to hate you big time for interfering with their parents reconciliation, which no matter what anyone will say they’ll be sure it will come any day, and it will also give them yet another inappropriate reason to blame you for everything once mom and/or dad do get hitched with someone else. To me, it is ripping the bandage of divorce off very very slowly and confusingly. If you can make it as besties after the divorce, then you probably shouldn’t have gotten divorced to begin with. Seems to me, and it will seem to the kids too, that you simply just didn’t put enough effort into keeping your marriage together, a/k/a that they weren’t worth the extra effort. Anyway, just a different perspective. . . .