Co Sleeping...Frustrated
Hi yall..
So I have been having this dilemma for a little while now. I have a 2 year old daughter and a 7 year old step son. I am at a little bit of a loss right now and have been racking my brain for solutions, but can't seem to find any; furthermore, I am questioning if maybe I am making a big deal over nothing.
My Fiance's 7 year old son is a little bit of a brat. I do love this child dearly, I love spending time with him and always have and I love that he is super loving towards me... at times. With that being said however, you CANNOT say the word no to this child unless you're willing to witness a scene from a horror movie. As soon as you say no to ANYTHING it is immediately followed by a series of whining, shrieking and belting crying unlike any other. Not only that, but if you continue to put your foot down, he will physically bang his head against things out of pure frustration! Then, when the situation finally simmers down, his dad will try to come back to him to show him a little love and he'll play games and say stuff like no get away from me you hate me. I usually do not intervene with his father's discipline because I don't feel it's my place and I feel his dad does a wonderful job at handling that most times.
Even though, this is beyond frustrating to me, it isn't what I am writing this message about (just giving background). He also wants to sleep with us EVERY night; and if his dad doesn't give in to him, he screams and screams and screams, and screams some more until he falls asleep. Then, he will wake up at 3AM and come in bed anyway. Doing this would be fine, if he wouldn't insist on getting in the middle only to kick and push and punch at me until I have to get up for work at 530AM. Yesterday was the first night I actually slept on the couch and I WILL NOT do that again. I have no idea how to handle it; my future hubby acknowledges that his son cannot sleep with us, but ALWAYS gives in once the fuss starts just because of how tired he is and since his last gf didn't work out since she hated his son, it has me afraid to say ANYTHING! Also, my 2 year old sleeps fine by herself even though she asks every night to sleep with us. Please give me some advice... Am I being overdramatic about this?
I am having the same issues..
I am having the same issues.. my husbands daughter refuses to sleep alone and my husband ends us sleeping with her. She's 4 and has strong strong jealously issues especially since she has a new sibling at home. She was coddled and spoiled beyond belief. This child has had life handed to her and refuses to listen to the word no and if you tell her no she tells you she's mad at you and she doesn't like you and to get away from her. She whines and cries about everything and is never happy. And that's no exaggeration. I haven't the slightest idea what to do but it's driving me crazy because my kids never acted this way.
Yes! As a matter of fact he
Yes! As a matter of fact he does and it's beyond irritating! I will cook dinner EVERY night and he NEVER wants what I make, always decides he wants something else and if I don't make him what he wants he will fuss and then his dad will get so frustrated with him that he ends up whooping his ass or sending him to bed, and I don't want him to feel like I am the cause of his punishment. It makes me feel terrible...but my daughter is 2 and DOES NOT act that way! When I say no it's no, bottom line; there is no budging. When I say to do something it's okay mommy or yes mam and that's it, and that's the way I intend on keeping it! I refuse to let a child dictate my life, call the shots, or disrespect me. But how do I enforce this with someone who is NOT my child.
Don't fight over the food!
Don't fight over the food! Cook what you want to cook and let him eat it or not. That's a battle that can not be won. I try to always include one food item in a meal that each skid likes when they are here, but if they "aren't hungry" or "just don't want" whatever it is, then fine, don't eat. They can have breakfast the next day. And if all they eat from the meal is a buttered roll I'm fine with that too.
Giving in reinforces the
Giving in reinforces the behavior. Even if he is tired, your SO needs to return the child to his own bed.
My SD used to do this (minus the getting between DH and me). One night after she started crying and calling from her room around 2am and DH (still SO at the time) was just totally unwakeable I went in there, got in her face and told her to SHUT UP, we are trying to sleep, her dad has to get up early for work and she is making him miserable. Normally I wouldn't talk to a child the way I did her that night, but I was crazy with exhaustion myself and really thought I had just dreamed I fussed at her like that, until she mentioned it to me the next morning. :O It was actually quite effective though. There were/are still intermittent "daddy come lay with me" nights, but almost no other issues. And he is able to lay with her a few minutes then leave.
I refuse to have a child in my bed, especially a skid. It just feels creepy and wrong to me.
Agree with Last In
Agree with Last In Line:
"Giving in reinforces the behavior"
The screaming and head beating and "I hate you"
Is all because he used it before and it worked to get his way.
Its a learned behavior,he has learned if he screams, dad will give in and he will get his way.
You say no, and he can pretty much judge to what extant he needs to throw his fit to have "guilty daddy" give him what he wants.
We do not let kids or skids in our bed, we have had 4-5 incidence of it in the last 5 years, due to "bad dreams", sickness (I had given ibuprofen and was waiting for DD's fever to drop, then back to bed).
In these past incidents, they are more than welcome to "lay" in our bed, on top of the blankets, no blanket/no pillow for them to cover with till they are "comfortable" enough to go back to their OWN bed, no more than 30 minutes. If they FELT a GREAT urge to "sleep" in our bed for no given reason (happened with SD ONCE) then they can lay next to our bed, on the floor, again: No blanket/No pillow.
It is a very short lived "I want to sleep with you"
HOWEVER, SD10 still sleeps with BM, right between her and step-dad :sick: I think that is inappropriate and wrong personally.
and since his last gf didn't
and since his last gf didn't work out since she hated his son, it has me afraid to say ANYTHING!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
yea...your SO is a bad parent. But this is what stuck out to me. So that means he kicked the ex to the curb because she could not handle how bad his kid acted right?
Who told you this? DH? hmmm...makes me wonder if he told you that so you would be scared to say anything. He obviously knows his son is out of line.
I feel like you probably have not known your SO for very long. May be better to pack up and move on before it gets serious
I agree with all the other
I agree with all the other posters. This is a PARENTING problem on your boyfriend's part and not a child problem.
Here is my compilation of RED FLAGS:
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "my children are UNCOMFORTABLE with you" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.
If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.
Do you know your man's FINANCIAL situation? Do you know if he has massive left over marital debt? How high is his CS obligation? Have you seen the divorce decree or mediation agreement. Does it seem overly slanted in BM's favour?
Love and "understanding" simply does not cover it all. Especially in the case of stepmom is supposed to be "understanding" when all of her money goes to household expenses b/c almost all of biodad's money goes to CS.
How long would you be willing to float biodad should he lose a job and have massive CS obligations?
There are many other considerations as this type of relationship is not to be taken lightly.
Yeah my 12d bangs her head
Yeah my 12d bangs her head and hits herself when things do not go her way. It's time to lay down the law. IMO 7 is getting too old and it's messing up your sleep. Time to talk to your spouse and bring it to a stop.