have been reading some posts on steptalk for awhile now, which had helped me quite a bit, at least trying to make a decision on whether to stay or leave. (sorry about my writing, english is not my first language and haven't used it for many years)

I am 31 years old with a 3 years old daughter, have been married to my husband for 4 years. He has 2 other kids aged 8 and 10 , both girls. The biggest problem is that when i first met him, i wasn't interested in getting further with our dating due to his past. His ex was a high school drop out, wasn't even able to finish year 10 ( not sure how he got together with her as he is tertiary educated, so am i). Anyway, I am not trying to judge people by their educational background, but it does say a lot about a person's attitude towards life. She is a complete bullshitter and lair, and very manipulative. I never wanted to date a man with kids, but he assured me that i wouldn't have anything to do with them.

All my friends and family asked me to stay away from him, but i didn't listen, so we got married eventually. However things only went downhill from there. I don't even remember how many times we fought and separated already 4 times. His ex knew that i didn't have any family in that country where we were living, so she screwed me up completely upon giving birth to my daughter, she asked my husband to go on holiday with their kids soon after my daughter was born and left me completely alone to look after a new born for the whole month. She made sure that her kids will still get whatever they want and left my daughter with second hand and hand me down items.

I knew the reason she and her kids could treat me like shit is because i couldn't continue my profession at my husband's country due to language barrier, so we decided to move closer to where i used to live.

Fast forward 2 years later, we have been living in this country where i now call it home. I love my job and he is also doing well with his career, our daughter is a happy and well balanced child.

However, few months ago, the problem started again, my husband now has guilt dad syndrome and felt like he owes his other kids his life. He decided to use all his annual leave to spend a nice holiday with them and spoil them, and leave us here alone.

I have recently realised that this is definitely not the life i wanted, no matter where we live, half of him still belongs to his past, these two kids will take many of his financial possessions and emotional needs. My daughter and I will only get what is left. And as of today, I just remembered i haven't been happy for the 5 years we are together.

I am jealous of all my other friends who are in 'normal relationships', and all they could say is that ' I told you so'... I know the only chance for me to be happy is to have a divorce, I won't mind living alone as long as I don't have to love someone with everything but only could share him with other people. I need some strength to be able to do this...