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When Does it Stop - Adde

grandkidsrock's picture

I wrote earlier regarding my DH and all the money he spends on grown skids. My kids were cut off when they were married, but money is spent on skids no matter how old they are as long as they aren't married (even if they are shacking up with someone).

My addendum is this. My youngest SS who will be 20 next month, has gotten into big trouble with the law. My DH has hired an attorney against my will. DH says we will not support him any more (we pay for his rent since he was going to school). He has not enrolled in school anyway, so we would have stopped that. DH says he will take away him car, but I don't know when - haven't yet. The attorney's bill will be significant, and DH wants to pay for it. Haven't been to court yet, but I'm sure they're will be enormous fines and maybe even jail time. DH is determined not to let his own "flesh and blood" go to jail and will do anything he can to prevent that. I don't believe in enabling and never have. Obviously, DH does.

I don't believe this is fair to me but don't know what to do about it. My saying "no" doesn't seem to have an effect on DH. And if DH is really serious about taking SS's car away, then why haven't we done it yet?

Very frustrated with the whole situation.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Well, the way you prevent your own "flesh and blood" from going to jail is to teach him from the day he starts crawling to be a law abiding, responsible, productive citizen.

Apparently that ship has sailed. Your dh is trying to game the system now. The boy is guilty of something, he needs to face the music. That'll keep him from committing bigger crimes in the future. Last chance, dad, to get that lesson through.

grandkidsrock's picture

Thank you. I feel validated. I'm not sure how this will go down. I guess this will be the situation that determines DH's true colors and priorities. Priorities have always been a problem, so this will definitely be an eye-opener as to what he puts first.

grandkidsrock's picture

I don't know why the kid chose this collision course, but he just got 5 felony charges against him. Drugs mostly. We just found out that he also had a misdemeanor after this offense for the same thing. Loser...

dancemom33's picture

being in jail might help the kid straighten out, kid needs tough love, if daddy bails him out and is easy on him then there is no reason for kid to improve his behavior

grandkidsrock's picture

I agree. Dad is clueless when it comes to raising kids. He enables them instead. I don't know that I can do much about it. I guess I could leave.

still learning's picture

So sorry OP, that is a rotten situation. DH is an enabler and only teaching ss20 that he can do whatever he wants and daddy will bail him out.

I watched my mother do this over and over for my little brother who was in and out of jail and eventually in and out of prison. My mother who is on SSI, using ALL of her money and begging people for more to post bail for my stupid addict brother. I never contributed a cent because I thought jail time would be good for him. This drama dance went on from the time he was a teen to well into his 30's. Now his brain is so fried he's not much of a threat to anyone.

I hope none of "your" $$$ is helping to fund this lawyer.

grandkidsrock's picture

Since our money is still combined (my bad), the money will coming out of the joint account. I'm sick over this. You were right to never contribute a cent to your brother's cause. And you're right, jail time would be the best punishment for him. He has no money to pay any fines, and I'm not willing to either. This may cause a divorce, but why would I want to be second to his kids anyway?

Disneyfan's picture

Head to the bank first thing in the morning and remove your money.

No way should you be expected to fund something you disagree with.