you are already very generous and clearly not counting pennies. If the extra room is needed specifically for his kid, you should not have to pay half. You and your partner should talk and you should come prepared with a reasonable amount to suggest you pay. Be sure to remind him how much you do for his child financially already and you cannot afford to pay half for the 2 bedroom. Maybe you could pay a couple of hundred less than him? I totally understand where you are coming from!

Definitely have a talk now.

If you are worrying and stressing over this little of an "issue" I would just cut your losses and move on.

My DW and I had squat for nothing when we married other than my newly printed engineering degree, my 8yo single cab pick up truck and two appartments full of college furniture. If I had worried about who was paying for care, feeding, and housing the Skid we would never have made it the first year of marriage much less to 21+. The fact is that your Skid will benefit from your participation in funding the household unless ...... you pay absolutely nothing.

My suggestion is that you quit sweating the non issue of how much of the $200 in rent you will be paying for. If this guy is "THE" one then commit, engage, and don't sweat the small stuff .... and just about all of it is small stuff.... except for adultery ..... oh, and an SO that tolerates hell spawn behavior in YOUR home ..... and ..........

Hi, I've been married for 9 years. My DH makes quite a bit more money than I do. He plays the majority of the bills so if I spend money on the Skids I can't complain about it. I do buy the majority of the groceries. I would probably be willing to pay more just to have more space. I'm sure it would be worth it. Just make sure you iron out this money stuff and child care responsibilities before you say I do.

We have my SS7 50/50 but even if it were less and we lived in a two+ bedroom I feel this would apply.
Since three people live here, and one of them is not my offspring DH pays for 2/3 of the rent and we usually share the other livings costs. He makes a little more than me so he usually pays a little more.
I think maybe since you don't have your skid 50/50 is doesn't need to be so clear cut into thirds. But I definitely do not think you should be paying half. You're getting a larger place so that you can accommodate a child that is your step, you shouldn't have to pay for it in my opinion.

I would have bought a blow up mattress so you could deflate it when he wakes up and have your living room back until bed time again.

If you do get a second bedroom, I would set it up as an office/skidroom/guestroom. That way you and your fiance have function of it during the time your soon-to-be stepson isn't over and taking up valuable real estate all to himself when he's only over ever other weekend. I would put a desk in there, bookcase, a futon, and a dog bed.

Unless that extra bedroom will be a space that YOU can use too I don't see why you should go halvsies.

Have a plan set out BEFORE you get married. Make the plan solid. Get a 3rd party involved (therapist or financial professional) if needed.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation with BM sending her sick 7 year old over with ZERO medicine when she has medicine at home, so we would have to buy it. This among other things, the SK's granddad will get bikes, ATVs, and get them horse riding lessons but no safety gear. Leaving that with the BF since helmets and pads aren't fun gifts for a kid but he fears for their safety so she knows he'll buy it for them.

If you are not combining finances then I say stick with FDH's earlier commitment to pay all expenses above what you are paying for half of the one br you live in now.

In my case, I would be fine living in the places that my bride and I and the Skid have lived in over the years whether I was married or not so I have no issue regarding what portion of resources were consumed in relation to the Skid. If not the same homes, I would have lived in homes equal in cost so it would still be a non issue.

I think you can stick with this strategy until you marry. Once you marry, welcome to the world of all in equity life partnership/equity parent status and melding of finances/bills.

It gets harder to filter out the Skid specific stuff once you have papers with your SO.

All IMHO of course.

Good luck.

When I moved in with now DH, he continued paying for all the things he was previously paying for--he said whether I was there or not, he'd have the same size apartment, etc. He still pays for our house, utilities, etc. He also makes about 5 times what I do. I pay for groceries, most household things we need (small appliances, dishes, vet bill, dry cleaning, etc). I also do 98% of the housework. It works for us.

Sorry but I think this is a strange way to view your expenses as a married couple, especially if you knew he had a child before you married him. At one point I was the main breadwinner when DH lost a full time position, and I still paid for my SD's food, some toys, pillows, blankets and bought them a futon to sleep on. We chose our condo with them in mind...even when I was paying most of the rent on my own. I thought nothing of it until I read this post because I knew his kids were part of the deal. Yes even as a step parent you are going to pay for his kid in one respect or another. As long as you're with your husband, his child will be in your life. A child isn't a dog or a pet..He's his son, and your step son.

The way I see it, it sounds like you're already upset about a small living space. So what would happen if you were to ever have a friend come into town to visit you or DH? They would have to sleep in the living room too. Wouldn't it be ideal to get the bigger place anyway? If that was the case, you'd pay the extra because it would benefit you as well. So why not for the SS? That way the SS can have his space, you can have a guest room if need be on special occasions.

On to me, in the beginning of my relationship, bio-dad was attempting to pay child support. When DW and SD moved in, he stopped paying and fled the state. SO was I going to make her pay for everything for her kid or split the cost, the thought never even crossed my mind. This is my DW were talking about here. Of coarse I'm going to help her. We split everything right down the middle, groceries, electric, water, mortgage, kids clothes, school trips, yearbooks, gymnastics, everything. We're a family, that's what you do!

WTF as to the above two posts. How do these things even get on here?
My story sucks. I was of the mind set to share and meld even prior to the " I Do's" which got me in a shite load of financial losses. I made more and still have for the last 3 years so I paid for.....everything....for him and his kid.......which was 99% of the time since he and his child immigrated to live with me. That would have been fine if spouse would have been loving and appreciative and kind; instead, he was a complete a hole and became a different person to the man that I married. And no it wasn't an ulterior motive for him to get into this country. He doesn't even like it that much here. He says he came for me. OKAY. Whatever.
He has had a pretty good paying temp job since January. I have seen very little of his money which he says he has to save "just in case" he cannot find a job right after he passes his licensing exam. Unfortunately this $$ was not put into our joint account and exists in one of his personal accounts either here or in his home country.
Any time we talk about money its a fight. He won't even give me a few hundred dollars towards his car payment. Like I say, I pay for everything.
I AM THE STUPID ONE. I trusted this man who let me down. I gave in good faith only to find out what kind of man he really is. Out for himself and his kids. I am nothing but a bank and have been used. He keeps promising though...."when I start to have a permanent position I will contribute". Yeah right. I don't trust him. That is why I am going to file for divorce.

My husband has a 13 year old daughter. I have a 12 year old son. We have separate bank accounts and pay for our own child. We will pitch in every once and a while if the other needs help with something but it is rare. It works for us
I would not help out with the extra cost for a bigger apartment. He should have thought about the room situation a long time ago.

Ooooh, light bar.

My honest opinion is that you should move into your own place until you and your fiancé are married; don't pay a dime towards the care of his child during that time. If that is not an option for you, then if I were you, I would tell your fiancé that starting today, you will not pay for anything related to his child, including the cost of moving into a larger apartment. If that is an extinction level event for your relationship, then in my honest opinion, you will have saved yourself from financial hardship and ruin in the future. If your fiancé agrees to your terms, then sell the twin mattress in the mean time between moving and get an air mattress that can be stored in the closet when the child is not there.