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When Does it Stop?

grandkidsrock's picture

Submitted by grandkidsrock on Mon, 08/03/2015 - 10:34pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Just a question. I have three grown children, two of which are married. DH has three grown children also, one is living with her boyfriend. When my children got married, they were cut off with money. My child who isn't married, gets money from her dad, so DH cut her off too. Now we are having to pay hundreds of dollars on skids' medical and dental expenses because some don't have jobs or just because. We also pay for their auto insurance, phones, and auto registrations. I think I resent the most that SD lives with her boyfriend, and they have a double income as if they were married. I feel they should be cut off too. We cover all skids on medical insurance since they are under 26. When does this madness stop?

grace8205's picture

Submitted by grace8205 on Mon, 08/03/2015 - 10:47pm

I think it should stop as soon as they are adults. Especially the cell phones. I can see helping them out a bit if they were still in school, however not paying for everything.

PrincessCupcake's picture

Submitted by PrincessCupcake on Mon, 08/03/2015 - 11:15pm

If they don't have jobs they can get medical insurance through the state. If they get medical insurance through the state, then they can get a phone that has 250 minutes a month and unlimited text messages through the state. It may not be a fancy smart phone, but if you're not paying for it, then you don't get fancy things. If they are adults and not willing to obtain employment, then why do they deserve to have anything paid for by you? They are all enjoying the free ride you are giving them, especially SD and her boyfriend.

Unless one of them needs life-sustaining medication, take them off your insurance. If they purchased the cars, they can pay the insurance and registration. If you purchased the car and your name is on the title, sell it, or have them make all the payments. Tell them to hoof it and take the bus. They want to stay on your cell phone plan, they can pay you the monthly fee for having their phone on it (this is what I do with my mother because it's cheaper than having my own plan and enables us certain discounts on the bill, but I pay her my portion every month). If they live at home, they can get a job and pay you rent.

When I became disabled and had to quit working, my parents helped me out, but that's only because it was an extreme emergency and they didn't want me to be homeless. Now that I'm back on my feet, there is no need for them to give me money, and they don't.

Your skids are loving everyone moment of their ride on the money train, and it's time for that train to crash and be out of service forever.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Tue, 08/04/2015 - 9:08am

My DH finally did this with ss30 just last month. When we first married he was paying for ss30 and ss26's phone. He then cut off ss26's phone since he was a married man, a father and "on his own." He kept ss30 on for several years and thousands of dollars later.

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Tue, 08/04/2015 - 7:37am

It should have been over already. I believe in helping while kids are in school, not supporting them. Covering medical to me means that you have on your policy not that you are paying copay or coinsurance. That stops at 18. I would have issues with having SK'S on my auto insurance just because of liability. Their car, their registration and their insurance.

grandkidsrock's picture

Submitted by grandkidsrock on Tue, 08/04/2015 - 9:54pm

It should have been over already! I have to say a big fat "NO" to my DH. I don't know if that will work or not. I totally agree with your philosophy. Thank you...

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 08/04/2015 - 7:39am

I guess I was raised quite differently; I never asked for a penny after I moved out and paid my own bills even before that. I was a little spoiled but still very responsible.

Why do his grown children not have jobs? They should all be cut off, they will not be motivated to get jobs, otherwise. And you are right about the SD living with her boyfriend, why does your DH feel the need to continue to give her money?

This would just not sit well with me at all.

What do you mean, your DH cut your daughter off? Do you have NO say in the finances? If he can continue to support his grown babies, why is your daughter cut off? Not that she shouldn't be, she's an adult, but I would have a problem with his double standards.

I would have a problem with all of this. A big problem.

My DH's daughter is 24, no job, 2 kids, always broke. Not my problem; my main concern is my DH's and my future and retirement, we are NOT supporting his grown ass daughter. She can get a job if she's tired of being poor.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Tue, 08/04/2015 - 9:46am

He's not doing them any favours. In fact he's setting them up for failure.
He can't keep it up forever and will really resent them when he has no retirement funds and they aren't willing or capable of helping him out like he's helping them.
How can they learn to manage money and take care of themselves when they have never had to do it.

I agree with kiss, one bill at a time and start soon.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/04/2015 - 1:00pm

When my daughter graduated from college, I was paying for her car, her car, her car insurance, and her cell phone. She was also on my health insurance. I gave her six months to get on her feet.

I told her that I would pay her car payment and insurance but she was going to have to decide if she was going to buy the car from us for what was owed on it (about 1K) or give it back to us. At the end of six months, she started paying her own cell phone bill, gave us back the car and became a "big girl"

My boys are juniors in college. I will give them the same options.