The Nature vs. Nurture argument could be resolved by talking to a Stepmom
SD6 did great at summer school, she went from saying "I can't read" and feeling completely opposed to trying. Her Conners assessment (psychiatric assessment completed by the teacher) from her summer school teacher was 110% different from her 5K teacher's just two months prior. We've got her working in first grade workbooks and last week she said to DH and I "All this time I've been saying I'm not smart, I'm stupid, I can't do it and it seems I was mistaken! I AM smart!"
Just a few months of getting actual attention and recognition, along with enough sleep, food that doesn't come from a box and some structure and she was practically a different kid. We were so proud of her and hated the idea of her going back to BM's but had no choice. When DH texted BM to ask if she was taking her to gymnastics or if she needed us to take her, the bitch responded with "We're camping! I asked her if she wanted to go but she said she'd rather play at the water park."
As much as we objected to those evening martial arts classes that she didn't bother to ask DH about we didn't interfere but the first opportunity the hag has to keep SD6 from going to gymnastics, she does exactly that. Only 2 of the classes fell on her day, we discussed it 2 months in advance and we offered to drive her if it was or became an issue. SD6 has a problem following through with anything, which her teacher mentioned several times throughout the year yet BM encourages it. It's so pathetic that this is the example she's setting for SD and can't help but feel like it negates anything we've tried to teach her.
As if she wasn't cuntastic enough, DH asked to speak to SD6 briefly, assured BM that he wouldn't speak of her or anything negative and asked for some pictures since we're making SD6 a collage. She replies with a bunch of crap about how she is teaching SD6 to make good choices, that he can't interfere with what she chooses to do and she's putting her phone in the locker for the day. DH has given the hag our house line so she can call SD whenever she'd like (though she never does).
Too stupid or too selfish to realize/care about the damage she's doing. Shit, she probably doesn't even have SD, she's probably pawned her off on God knows who. It really makes me sick.
- I.hate.cats's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
That is depressing. I hope it
He has primary custody for
He has primary custody for now, but I don't count on it continuing indefinitely. BM will want her money train back when he stops bribing her for him to have custody, and I don't trust that he would stand up to her and make her fight for custody in court, rather than try to avoid court at all costs and keep everyone happy.
Yep, we saw a similar turn
Yep, we saw a similar turn around with my SD7. She was with us for 5 months full time, 3 completely away from BM and she went from almost failing first grade to mostly A's and B's. She was also better behaved, lost a small amount of weight (she is technically obese) and hardly went to the doctors at all compared to when she is with her mother.
Some if it is BM's attitude that school doesn't really matter, and SD missing so many days her teachers were worried. Some of it has to do with BM not prioritizing helping SD learn and getting her homework done or reading with her. And my husband informs me that some of it is because BM herself struggled with first grade math (which I find incomprehensible, how a grown woman can have that low a level of math ability) so couldn't help SD easily.
She's at her mothers for the summer, so I'm sure we will see some regression when she gets back, but hopefully she will soon pick back up where she was and do even better next school year.
Well done on your progress. It is great to see what a positive influence we can have and see the kids flourish. We just have to hope that some of it will stick somewhere despite the BM's ways.
Education doesn't matter?
Education doesn't matter? That just makes me sick. The book by Malala and the one by Nujood should be mandatory reading in public schools. Their lives are what you get when girls don't have education. None of Nujood's siblings knew their actual ages because her mother couldn't count. The mother couldn't even say for certain how many children she had.
Free and mandatory public education is the difference between a 3rd world country and a modern nation. The single biggest predictor of a nation's state of development is the education of its girls.
OP, we have a similar dynamic between the two houses. Skids fester and stagnate at BM's house. They thrive and grow in our house. But it all gets undone when they go back to hers.
We had to fight with her
We had to fight with her constantly to get SD to even attend summer school because BM's point of view was "Well if it's inconvenient, don't do it. It's not like that would make us bad parents." :jawdrop: I try to avoid dealing with her as much as possible now that DH has reached the point where he realizes how much damage is being done. CPS is investigating her due to some domestic violence and drug abuse issues so she's treatend to change SD's insurance and cancel all of her therapy appointments-even though therapists don't prescribe meds-because she's beyond dense. Some of the emails that she's written DH are littered with so many spelling and grammatical errors that she doesn't proof read that it's like a bad game of mad libs.
DH is hoping for primary to be awarded next month and we've gone though so much just for the sake of the youngest but I know, between common sense and what I've read on here, that if that doesn't happen, either way SD will end up a nightmare; one BM can't handle and tries to dump off on us after she's turned her into an absolute nightmare or the kid who just won't have anything to do with us. The only thing sadder than the fact that BM sees no problems with her actions is the fact that in family court, logic doesn't matter.