My relationship with the girl child wasn't always ugly. When I met DH almost 6 years ago I was really excited that he had a daughter, to be completely honest. I have 4 sons and my only daughter was stillborn 21 years ago, so I never had a girl in my life. I was good to her and treated her no differently than my own children. If I got something for them, then I naturally included both of DH's children as well. My SS always appreciated and used whatever it was that I got him while the girl child would accept my generosity and either destroy, or bring it to her mother's house to never be seen again.

The leather jacket incident comes to mind. When my boys each turned 15, I bought them nice leather jackets, as that's right around the age when they need to start building an adult wardrobe in anticipation of dressier functions. They still have them and break them out as necessary. I kept with tradition and gave them leather jackets for their 15th Christmas, too.. The boy child is 3 years older and received his first. He LOVED it and still wears it. The girl child went and told her mother that her brother got a leather jacket and all she got from me was hair chalk. ( In addition to jewelry, clothing, and cosmetics, but she neglected to mention THAT to her mom...) So, the girl child comes over for her week, wearing a plastic imitation leather jacket that BM got her. It looked cheap and I was embarrassed for her ( and for us to be seen with her wearing that awful thing in winter...), so I ordered one for her and it arrived in February around Valentines Day. Fast forward 2 weeks and I find it hanging on the back of the kitchen chair, covered with blue paint. I was livid. It wasn't a small amount and it looks like she painted in it, not brushed against anything. I was livid and I quietly made that jacket 'disappear'. That was the last expensive item I ever bought her.

I would leave items at DH's house before we were married so I would not have to tote things back and forth and inevitably, whatever it was that I brought, be it clothes, food, toiletries,whatever, the girl child would take possession of it and lie about seeing it or say that either she forgot or didn't know. I would tell DH, he would address it and she would run away to mom's to escape any consequences. Every time it was always SOMETHING. For whatever reason, she feels like she is entitled to the best of whatever it happens to be and even if it belongs to someone else, it's her right because it's 'better'... She tried to take over SS's bedroom while he was away at college because his bed was 'better'(and because I had cleaned it). Needless to say, I nipped that in the bud and she has to sleep in her own filthy room...

Her room is nasty. Not only does she eat in her bed and leave crumbs but she will leave half eaten boxes of cheerios, apple cores, empty yogurt cups and granola bar wrappers IN her bed until DH removes them. She also has a filthy habit of leaving used applicators, pads and crime scene knickers wherever they land. I refuse to clean her bio hazard room and if her little boyfriend ever saw how she lives, he'd run far & fast... I have found used pads just thrown under the bathroom vanity and had to ride her ass for months about wiping her toothpaste and make up on the decorative towels. She used an entire bottle of my high end body wash, put it back empty and denied taking it. She has worn my socks, underwear and still uses my personal stuff every chance she gets. No boundaries. No hygiene. No rules.

I rent a beach house for a week every summer with my kids in the ocean side town that I grew up in and the first year DH & I were together, I brought him & his kids in addition to my youngest son, who was still in high school at the time. My son & SS are a year apart and they had a good time, however, the girl child hung on DH the entire week, sulking with her lower lip dragging behind her whenever she was not her dad's sole focus.She even had the AUDACITY to tell DH that 'we' ruined 'her' vacation and she wanted to go home. Since I drove, I told DH that if he was going to make me interrupt my vacation to take her sorry ass home then we were completely finished and to lose my phone number once they got out and I drove away... ( He's STILL here.)

The icing on the cake and when I disengaged for good came about 18 months ago. The girl child was dropping hints HARD for a Sweet 16 Party and DH didn't pick up on it right away, so I mentioned it to him and he told me that her mom wouldn't give her one and that we should do something for her instead. We booked a hall and hired a DJ and were knee deep in preparations that we were paying for and one day out of the blue, DH says to me,' I told BM that you were going to 'help' with the girl child's party ( HELP? I was doing EVERYTHING ) and he told her that he didn't think I would MIND if she was involved as well. I was livid and the next day, I received an email from BM, telling me that while she wanted to help, she didn't have much money. I let her know right off the bat that we were on a budget and we will plan this party within those guidelines as things can get out of hand financially and we were not willing to go into debt for this. She agreed. A few days later, I started receiving daily BM updates, telling me that the venue that was already booked wasn't 'suitable ' and that she needed to have it at another place so the girl child and her 'attendants' could make an 'entrance'. ( WTF?)

I let her know that we were already contracted and still she took the girl to look at the second venue to look anyway. Then, the girl needed ROUND tables rented, even though banquet tables were included with our hall. She wanted a chocolate fountain, a different DJ and a limo to pick the girl and her friends up. She volunteered her new husband's sister to make the cake and needed a professional photographer. This all, coming from someone with very little $$$$ to contribute. She was trying to call all the shots, and do minimal work but have us foot the bill... I was PISSED so I emailed her and told her that because we have 2 different concepts for this party, and because BM could not stay in her own lane and do her agreed upon part without interfering with ours, I let her know that I was no longer interested in participating in this and she was free to plan and execute this event however she saw fit. I reminded her that because DH is now retired and on a fixed income and a limited budget since he is also solely footing the bill for SS's college that she needs to plan accordingly. Needless to say, the party never happened because her parents dropped the ball and in the girl child's eyes, it's all my fault. I 'took' her party from her. I work hard for my $$$ and while BM might have her hand in DH's wallet, it will never be in mine and I'm sure that setting her straight on this and not letting her take advantage of me did not make her a fan. We were out several hundred dollars when I cancelled the hall and DJ and I chalked it up to a life lesson learned the hard way.

I understand that the situation had a sucky undertone for the girl child and I would have followed through if BM didn't attempt to hijack the situation and leave us stuck to pay for the details that she chose because ours weren't good enough.Bottom line, because her mother tried to get greedy with someone else's $$$, it never happened. And I'm a selfish bitch because of it.

Since then, I'm public enemy #1. She does not acknowledge me, and takes every opportunity that she has to get into my stuff. I know that it's her version of revenge since I 'took' her party, she feels entitled to take my stuff even more so than she did previously.
I'm currently planning DH's 50th party for the fall of this year and her behaviors have escalated once again since she found out about it, which is why I had to install cameras and buy the purple powder. She will not be happy until she feels that her justice is served at my expense. DH asks me to 'just turn a blind eye, she'll be gone in a year'( and he doesn't want to lose her completely) but I struggle with that. I will not allow a child
to steal from me and disrespect me because her mother made me her scapegoat and cannot own up to her own shortcomings. DH seems to think that 'we' will be hosting a graduation party for the girl child next summer as well, but I'm haven't told him yet that I have no intentions of being involved. Might have to book a cruise and be out of town...