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10 Y.O. SD will not sleep at night

jtoth001's picture

My 10 y.o. SD will not sleep through the night. She will wake up 2 and 3 times a night and wake me and my husband up. She tells her dad it's because she can't sleep or she is scared. We have tried everything from night lights to security animal you name it. I am getting fed up with not getting a good night's rest. We have a 2 year old son together and I have told my SD her 2 year old half brother sleeps better and acts more grown up than she does. I have started grounding SD every time she wakes us up but I think it's time for her dad to put his foot down. I feel a 10 y.o. needs to be able to sleep without waking us up 3 times a night. She has been to the doctor and nothing is medically wrong with her besides the fact she will not sleep. SD bio mom got mad I grounded her for waking us up 3 times a night for no reason saying that's not right and we should walk her back to bed. I think it's time for SD to act like a 10 y.o. in 5th grade and to put herself back to bed. no excuse to be waking us up because she can't sleep or hears a weird noise.

DarkStar's picture

I agree with you, but your DH has to be on board with it.
Why hasn't your DH put your foot down before now?

jtoth001's picture

She does have her tv on low at night when she sleeps and has a small lamp on as well. My husband has told her not to wake us up unless it is an emergency. As you can see that has not worked. I agree he needs to put his foot down and not speak to her and take her back to her room and then firmly have a talk with her about not doing it again. He just has not done it. Last night she woke us up at 3 am and my husband told her to go back to her room and then asked me to ground her before I left for work.

jtoth001's picture

She is not allowed to watch scary shows and her sleep timer shuts her tv off at 10:00 pm. I do not know why she doesn't sleep at night. I think part of it is her mom doesn't have her in a routine at all and doesn't care if she stays up and does whatever at night. All I know is I am at my wit's end and am tired of not getting a good night's rest.

Last In Line's picture

We went through this same exact thing just a few weeks ago. It seems to come and go around here, and I really don't know all the reasons for it.
Reasons given for waking us up:
"My head hurt but it doesn't now"
"I heard a noise" (there are 6 people in our house when skids are here during summer, 1 dog, 1 cat. There is always noise.)
"I can't sleep"
"Can I take a bath?" (at 2am?!)
I can't even remember them all. DH knows I can't stand this sort of crap, but kept telling me it didn't bother him, he went right on back to sleep, etc. I told him that was fine, but it woke me up too, I CAN'T go right on back to sleep, and I have to get up at least 2 hours before him to get to work, so when she wakes me up and I go in exhausted, people's lives are in danger. He finally talked to her about it and for the last 2 weeks it hasn't been a problem. I do know the skids were watching scary movies at BMs house when their older sister was "watching" them while BM was working, and I think having a come to Jesus meeting with BM and older sister helped cut that out.

He is going to HAVE to be firm with her and either punish her for waking y'all up for no reason, or reward her for staying in her bed and leaving you alone--but not just for one night, she has to do it for a week or a month or whatever. Maybe a sound machine could help--no music or TV as both of those can be stimulating.

simifan's picture

Kick DH's butt out of bed... (I would do it literally - you don't mess with my sleep! ) every time she wake you up with a growled "deal with your spawn." If his dealing with it is not sufficient to your liking - no nookie for DH - your too tired because SD woke you up. When it becomes his problem - he will deal with it.

Rags's picture

Watch a few episodes of Super Nanny. When the little shits won't stay in bet they get escorted to bed without a word repeatedly.

In the case of a 10yo I would suggest escalating levels of discomfort. Start with a swat the ass and a stern "If you get out of bed again except to go to the bathroom next time I will turn you over my knee." Then do it.

Since DH won't step up and deal with it before you have to he can STFU until he is ready to man up and be a father.

End of problem sooner rather than later.

IMHO of course.

Disneyfan's picture

OP please do not spank that child for this unless you're ready to go toe to toe with her mother.

Force her dad to deal with her each and every time.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I think this situation calls for the Rag's Rule of Sentences to be invoked.

Keep a college ruled notebook and supply of pencils with a desk lamp in her room. When she wakes up at 2, her pre-designated course of action is to turn on the light and do sentences until she gets sleepy again. She will get drowsy much quicker if she doesn't get up and leave her bedroom and cause drama. If she doesn't wake up the parents, she can make up the sentence herself and show you in the morning.

You could also switch out sentences with a book to read, if you prefer. Just nothing electronic.

The punishment for waking you guys up for a non-urgent reason must be in the moment, not a grounding that she cannot experience until hours if not days later. Confiscate some desired item out of her room right in front of her. For the second offense, after confiscating, assign her an actual essay to write right there and then. Topics might be Courtesy, Independence, Being a Team, etc. If you are using the book, you might also assign a midnight book report as a punitive topic. You will inspect it in the daytime but she is not to bother you again tonight.

Hopefully these "punishments" will teach her good sleep hygiene (hey, that's what the experts call it!) and she will soon extinguish her own insomnia. The idea is that reading, writing, composing an essay will make her get drowsy. These are quiet, calming activities that are very conducive to sleep.