A newbie needs some advice
I found this place and post a few years back, but now I'm in need of some expert advice.
As you all know, back stories can be long, and I have no problem dishing the dirty details, very anonymously of course, but I don't want to bore you all.
After 11 years of being a SM, I feel like my SS are not the issue, but my issue is with how DH deals with BM. We had primary custody for many years of SS18 & SS14, since BM can't seem to get her stuff together, and recently, 2 years ago, SS14 decided he wanted to live with BM. DH let him because she finally seemed to clean up a bit and DH felt like it was his choice to make. Fast forward 2 years, now he wants to come back home.
Last Oct, I almost left DH, but went to counseling for myself instead, because he did nothing to stop BM when she pulled him out of school to "homeschool" which actually really meant babysit her other two young kids while she worked.
It took a lot of soul searching to for me to be able to separate how I felt about him not caring about SS14 well being, and having to decide how important it was. DH claims he is just so tired and emotional drained from fighting with her for 18 years, he can't do it anymore.
Now, after she and her boyfriend have kicked SS14 out of their house, he still doesn't feel the need to take immediate action and confront her at frickin all. She says he is just coming to stay at our house for 2-3 weeks to let things settle down. SS14 says he wants to live with us and go to real school. I'm having so much trouble with DH being such a ball-less coward. If things go as usual, he'll just lie down and let her kick him. To top it all off I used work in the family law field in our state, so I feel like I have given DH the best steps to take and he just ignores me. He gets mad when I ask him what's going on and pester him for info, but he doesn't fill me in on any details ever unless I pry them out of him.
I need some real advice. For the sake of my marriage do I just disengage from it all and take the resolve that its really none of my business if DH wants to be a crappy BD to his kids, or does this speak volumes about his character and if he doesn't do something I should really consider who I'm married to.
More or less, the problem is
More or less, the problem is that I lose respect for him when he lets BM get away with whatever crap she feels like pulling that week. Even when he has the upper hand, he lets her do whatever she wants without consequence. Its not my problem though, right? Is it fair to judge how I feel about him based on how he interacts with someone else? I am deeply troubled by it though and can't seem to let it go. I get enraged whenever he lets her walk all over him. I think part of it has to do with my searing hatred of her.
He is a great dad to our little ones BS3 & BS5, decent husband to me. I have a good relationship with both SS18 & S14.
If DH wants his son to be
If DH wants his son to be able to support himself as an adult, and the child is asking to go to a "real school", my opinion is that DH needs to wake up and look at what education the child is actually getting.
Some homeschool ed is great, some is adequate, and some is awful. DH has an obligation to his son to look at the quality of his son's education.
Homeschool ed is not for every child. If son has tried it and wants a "real school" his father needs to look at the education his son is getting and the reasons the child is requesting a change.