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Need To Let It Out ...

Burned.. Blamed... Beaten's picture

Hello Everyone,

I have been a stepmom for 7 years. I have been on a website similar to this. I have been through the young step kids and now am heading into the teenage step kids. Man, if only we COMPLETELY knew what we were signing up for when we started falling for these men right? How blind and naive we can be! Rose colored glasses, butterflies and rainbows and then "BAM"... holy crap do you wake up and see what you really are in and wonder how the heck am I going to survive?

This is what I have:
- A vindictive, lying, game playing, manipulative, evil BM
- A 14 year SD who is turning out to be exactly like BM
- A 10 year SD who wants so badly to fit in with her sister and BM that she is exactly like BM
- A absolutely wonderful normal 12 SS
- A absolutely wonderful 9 BD

Somehow along the way I have been the evil step mother. I have worked my butt off to provide, clean, cook, smile, buy, DIE.... to please his children. Are we perfect??? Absolutely not! Isn't it amazing how if we aren't perfect, holy crap, the world ends and you are the DEVIL for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!?! My DH recently had an affair. Somehow, after what he did, I became the bad guy. The 14 year old refuses to return to our home because she is tired of competing with me and can't believe her father has chosen me over her. The 10 year old is quickly following suit.

I am exhausted.

I wish I could play the mind games and play dirty they way their mother does but I just can't. I thought it would come around full circle at some point but I think we're just at the beginning of the real mess. I think I have a very very long road. I wish I could take things less personal. Sometimes, I even wish I loved my DH a little less so I could RUN from this... but, I can't.

Just needed to vent. Right it out. I could write for weeks and still not have said enough. LOL. But, I will end it at this.

Burned.. Blamed... Beaten's picture

Yea, he just seems to have a more normal, rational head on him. He is able to swim through everyones crap and see the truth. Its really nice to have at least 1 of his kids with that sort of mind frame.

He just said he was "bored' at work (he works nights) went into a chat room on KIK. Was talking with a bunch of people from all over the USA. Then, a woman who lives in our next town over started chatting with him and instead of doing the RIGHT thing and ending it there he continued to talk with her and got caught up in it. It was for about a month. Not too long. He chose to stay in our marriage which people may be saying, "Why did you choose to stay in your marriage?" but I believe it in. I also believe in mistakes and it could have easily been any of us caught up at the right time in the wrong moment. So, we are trying. He is trying.

Yes, he kids do know. That is what absolutely baffles me. HE cheated on ME. HE created all this CHAOS but his daughter is BLAMING ME. Saying she didn't want us to stay together and she was "faking" happy all this time in our home. Its awful. They treat him SO awful with no help or support from BM. She is probably happier then a pig in poop over there watching her kids treat him disrespectfully, talk poorly about him and me.. etc. I can't understand it. I am a BM as well with a daughter from a previous relationship. I would NEVER EVER allow things to get to where they are between her and her father. BUT, BM and I are VERY different with VERY different backgrounds so... she is a peach tree and I am a pear tree and we will never be the same or understand one another probably.

There has always been trouble with the kids because their mother couldn't stand that I even existed. It wouldn't matter what women DH was with. She would treat them all poorly and train the kids to as well. I have been enemy #1 since Day #1 (unless she needed something and then I was ok).

robin333's picture

I don't have advice, just sending you hugs- you have been through a lot. There are some incredible women here with great insight. Maybe it's time to focus your energy on you.

Andie91801's picture

I'm sorry for what you've been thru. Big hug. Protect your kid and yourself.

Best of luck.

A.

DarkStar's picture

It blows my mind that the KIDS know all about it???!!!???

Did your DH tell them?? That's awful if he did.