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Potatogate---- otherwise known as the beginning of the end and the straw that broke the camels back

zerostepdrama's picture

I posted about this a long time ago when this first happened (June 2012)and have posted about it briefly here and there. Some friends recently have asked about it again so I am reposting the story Smile

March 2012- DH and I become engaged. Shortly after DH and SS move into my apartment where I live with BS. DH and I are looking for a house to buy. SS already lived with DH and had been living with him for quite awhile. OSD, MSD and YSD all lived with BM.

We start going through the house process. Well during this time I noticed that the girl skids are starting to act up. Rude, lazy, disrespectful, etc. It was always something. I'm starting to get stressed. Feel overwhelmed, buying a house- mortgage in my name only, having all these extra people in my small apartment, etc.

I keep trying to address the issues with DH and he keeps sticking his head in the sand. I try to nicely bring stuff up to the kids where I am basically given the big F U.

Well we buy the house in June 2012. I still have lease in my apartment until August, so we are in no real hurry to move into house. Taking our time to paint, had to put tile in the family room, sorting through his stuff and my stuff, etc.

Well Father's Day is approaching. I decide Hey need a reset. I'm going to do something nice for DH. Call skids, any plan for DH for FD's? Met with confusion. Like FD- are we supposed to do something???

So I talk to the 4 kids, hey we are going to do a cookout at the new house. I will bring all the food. You guys just need to show up at 2pm. HUGE emphasis on 2pm. I wanted to allow myself enough time to prepare food, decorate house with balloons and set up.

We were only having get together at new house due to space. The gas wasnt turned on yet, so its nice like we could cook or wash dishes.

Well OSD messaged me like 3 different times "Can I make potato salad for Daddyyyyy?" "Sure" "He looooooves my potato salad." "Great, yes please bring it."

So I'm still trying to adjust to the skids and now their annoying habits and behaviors and DH is dismissing my feelings and I am starting to get fed up. I feel walked on, used, and resentful.

Friday before FD. OSD texts me "What is the Father/Daughter dance for your wedding?"

Me- I'm not doing a F/D dance, its just a small reception.

OSD- No I meant, what songs are me and my sisters dancing with my dad at the wedding?

Me- ????? (I'm thinking WTF)

OSD- Well you are taking our dad from us. You now have 5 kids, not 1. I think you need to do something special for me and my sisters with my dad.

Me- No, nope, nada, not going to happen.

So Sunday comes around. I spend $100 on the food. I am going all up. Got up early to start cooking and prepping.

Kids start texting DH at like 10 wanting to be picked up. And I"m like NOOOOOO not at the house. I wanted to decorate and have balloons and go all out and wanted it to be a nice surprise when DH walked in the house.

So around noon, he lives to pick them up. Okay whatever.

Then he texts me, "Can you bring mayo when you come?"

I ignore. Like yeah I got mayo, I'll bring it, I am thinking.

Then he texts back again, "Also bring some mustard, OSD needs it for her potato salad."

I'm thinking... hmmmmm she should already have that in her potato salad if she made it????

Then he calls and is like "Can you hurry up. The kids are hungry."

And Now I am PISSED. Really??? I am doing all this work, and I'm trying to get ready and get to the house and you are rushing me because your kids are hungry?

THEN, This is the straw that broke the camels back. DH proceeds to tell me that OSD is cooking her potato salad in my house.

I'm like WHAAAAATTTT????

I just bought this house. I havent even cooked in it and SHE is cooking in it?

Your kid that I have seen (and you too) for a total of 20 minutes in the past 15 months and she is cooking in MY KITCHEN. Like my FIRST House that I have ever owned and I can't even break in my kitchen?????????

So I basically go the fuck off on DH. Like CRAZY. I was just so tired and fed up. Told him to get the fuck out of the house.

So he leaves with skids. Tells them what happened. They go to Mine and DH's friends house where they are having a cookout. Bring all the drama over there talking about how crazy I am and they cant believe I kicked them out over POTATO SALAD.

I defintely acted out of my normal. But I was so fed up. More with DH then with the skids. I just felt so used and walked on.

I felt like the skids felt like I was just there to provide this big house for them and things they never had with BM/DH.

So OSD posted a bunch of nasty stuff on FB about me and sent me some nasty messages.

OSD posted this pic on FB of DH and the skids with 13 year old YSD sitting on his lap talking about how he is the best dad and no one can take that away from him or them and how much they love him and he has FOUR kids and that is all he needs. This is the picture that OSD has now posted on FB probably 3 different times when she is mad at me and wants to make a point about her DAAADDDDYYYY. Whoomp whoomp.

DH and SS came over to the apartment later that night to get some clothes and MSD tried to get out of the van and "talk to me" but DH made her get back in the van. Basically she wanted to fight me. She was 15 at the time.

At that point I was DONE!!!!!!!!!!

A few days passed. DH called me. I felt so torn and felt kind of tied down because I now had this house. Half his stuff was moved in, other half was in the trash. Half my stuff was moved in, etc.

So we decided to talk things out, which we did. (But things didnt get better for us until counseling in December 2012)

Initially I only stayed with him because I felt scared to have that big ole house for just me and BS, even though I could afford it on my old, but the maintainence, etc. DH knows that too. Now I'm glad we stuck it out. (kind of lol)

When the skids came around after that happened, MSD, YSD, SS, I did apologize and explain what was going on and my thoughts and feelings. I never said not ONE thing to them when Potatogate happened. It was between DH and I. DH put them in it and they inserted themselves into it. The issue didnt have anything to do with me and them.

I THOUGHT that things were fine with us but only later to find out they weren't and they actually were talking behind my back and plotting against me, stealing from me, etc basically trying to get me and DH to break up.

I get it, they didnt like me fighting with their dad, even though they are 100% okay with BM sending DH nasty texts cussing him out, etc that is okay......

OSD a couple of weeks later sent me a message "If you can forgive me for saying those things about you, then I will forgive you for the way you treated my dad."

Ummm nooooo, I can treat the man I am with how I want to. If I want to yell at him and be a bitch, that is between him and I. Not you. So I nicely told her that and made it clear where I stand.

Things with me and the skids never recovered after that. It only got worse.

I wish I had handled it differently, but I think the outcome would have been the same. It just would have happened a different time and way.

So there my friends is POTATOGATE. The straw that broke the camel's back. Smile

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

I hate that I looked like the crazy one. That is why I regret it so much. Like HELLO you guys caused me to act like that.

I posted another blog. That probably explains better where things are at now.

BethAnne's picture

It's like all the money arguments I have with my husband are always about $5 or $20 he gives BM for whatever crap. Nothing that would break the bank, but it sure as hell breaks my patience. The time he was stupid enough to give her hundreds of dollars to go on holiday and she ended up taking her then boyfriend and SD then 5 woke to see them having sex in the hotel room, I just told him I hoped he'd learnt his lesson...sadly not.

Yep we end up looking like the crazy person to outsiders (and pretty much anyone who isn't us).

I remember your story from before, is it bad that I am craving potato salad now? Can you still enjoy potato salad or is it forever tainted with memories of potatogate for you now?

zerostepdrama's picture

LOL... I always think back to that day when eating potato salad. But Hey I am not going to let that stop me from enjoying my favorite cookout side dish Smile LOL

Why dont they learn their lesssons, our DH's? It's crap.

I tell DH all the time, do you think I make this stuff up because I ENJOY fighting with your kids? I am not trying to make things bad, I want PEACE and CALM.

DaizyDuke's picture

Boy your DH has some real spuds, I mean duds for daughters!

They need to stop with all their YAMmering on FB!

Ah, Potatogate! I had Christmastreegate with BM2. That was the straw that broke my back with her, that was the day I called and told her I would not be taking Parenting 101 lessons from the likes of her after she told me that maybe I'd understand where she was coming from when I was a "parent" (didn't have BS5 yet) After I hung up on her, she called DH and left him a VM and told him to "keep your skank on a leash" LMAO! That was rich coming from the Skank herself with 2 illegitimate kids, cheating on her BF with a 19 year old etc. Whatever.

She did apologize to me when I was about 7 months pregnant with BS5, I ran into her outside the OBGYN's office. She said she was sorry for the times she was "offensive" and she wished the best for me and DH and baby and that she and SS talked about me all the time and that he really liked me.. blah blah shut the fuck up bitch. I just told her "thank you" and went about my business because I know she did not truly MEAN a word she said... it was just to smooth things over until the next 52 times she acted offensive. And why the fuck would she and SS "talk about me all the time"???

These women and skids are whacked!

zerostepdrama's picture

Oh yeah BM has said to DH "Put your bitch on a leash". Um really? Get a new line. What are you? 14?

Southern Bama Belle's picture

I completely understand the freak out my friend. I had a silent one on a much smaller scale which I responded passive aggressively to instead of telling dh my feelings. I always do that. I don't know why I'm afraid to just tell him!

We live in the South and both enjoy shooting pistols. We both always carry a gun in our vehicles. I had been carrying a vintage Ruger revolver for about 5 years that my dad gave me. It was bulky. Dh decided to buy me a very small pistol instead that would be better suited for me. He shows it to me one day when I get home from work. I hold it and look at it, tell him thanks I love it and can't wait to shoot it. But we couldn't go out back and let me practice with it just then because we had committed to some event (don't even remember what now) so I had to shower so we could leave.

The next day I came home from work and find dh and ss on my back porch, with dh instructing ss how to shoot MY new pistol which even I hadn't gotten to shoot yet. I was so hurt and angry.

I never touched the small pistol again. We still have it! I never have shot it still. I kept my dads revolver. I like vintage better anyways. Dh ruined the small pistol for me forever. It might be petty of me, but that's how I feel and I'm just being honest!

zerostepdrama's picture

Yeah like I said it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Had that been the only issue then I would have been able to process and handle it better.

oneoffour's picture

Um, I would have sold the house and dumped DH. Sorry, if you cannot keep your kids under control I am not becoming target practice for them. no man is worth that kind of crap for the forseeable future.
I am an awesome Stepmother but a Dragonlady if you cross me. Actually my nieces and nephews refer to me as the Dragon Auntie. It works for me.

IslandGal's picture

LOL! My kids call me Mama Dragon sometimes and their friends have been known to refer to me as "dragon lady" behind my back..hahahaaa!! that's cos I can be a real bitch when I wanna..and I'm tiny (5'3")..haha..!

I woulda told his skids to go take a flying leap into the lakes of who gives a fuk. Seriously! Goddamn interfering manipulative asswipes! DH would've gotten those potatoes inserted straight up his ass for allowing that shit to go down.

You, OP, are a much more patient person than me - kudos!

zerostepdrama's picture

Oh I hated the house for a long time. I felt like I had been violated and all my hopes and dreams for the house were ruined. Yeah a little dramatic, but at the time it made sense. LOL.

Now I feel much much better about it.