Why can't I just have some alone time??
So today I wanted to just relax & I get a call from SD14 to ask if I could go with her to get a dress, shoes & to get her nails done. She said her father told her to ask me to go with her. I might sound petty or selfish but I told him today was my "off" day so to speak. So I ended up telling her I'd call her back to tell her what I was going to do and called him. He tells me yeah I told her to call you so you can go with her because I don't want her shopping alone. At this point all I could think of was why didn't HE ask me if it was okay first without volunteering me. Am I wrong for feeling frustrated?? I just wanted one day to not have the kids around (I have 6 month old twins also who were with my mom for the weekend). Am I being selfish and asking for too much?
No you're not wrong to feel
No you're not wrong to feel frustrated and you're not being selfish. You can say no without guilt, since you never volunteered to do this. DH will take her so she won't shop alone.
No, you are not being selfish
No, you are not being selfish or asking for too much.
Your own bios are with your mother, what makes him think you'd want to hang out with your step kid? And shopping, no doubt! Let HIM go shopping with the teen girl. I'd rather stab myself in the eyeballs with a letter opener. And then pour salt into them.
Exactly! A break for you
Exactly! A break for you doesn't mean spending time with SD unless you want to.
My DH did something similar last year when my DD was at overnight camp. SD then 17, called DH asking for her and some friends spend the night since it is 30 minutes closer out of town. She rarely slept here maybe 2x a year. I had already told DH that I was looking forward to a child free week and adult fun. He asked what I thought instead of telling her no, not a good time. I told him that it was short notice. ..
I ended up staying with a friend that night. And when he realized I was off to keep adult only time, he cancelled but I was already out the door.
Jut say no to her. Then tell
Jut say no to her.
Then tell your dumb ass husband not to volunteer your time for anything, let alone HIS crutch droppings.
Wow, that is frustrating! My
Wow, that is frustrating! My husband many times just expects that I will want to do things with his daughter before and after our child together. It's hard to communicate with him because he will be hurt. Hope your day went ok (solo)
Thanks for the responses. I
Thanks for the responses. I did however have my alone time by bribing her to go with some friends. I think I need to have a long talk with my fiance.
Brilliant move! She probably
Brilliant move! She probably had more fun with her friends anyway.
Oh holy hell! 6 month old
Oh holy hell! 6 month old twins?? Honey, I have been in your shoes (my twins just turned 3) and if I had a day off where my mom was babysitting? No way in HELL would I be taking a teenager (much less someone ELSE'S teenager) shopping. You NEED your downtime, being a twin mom is no joke, it's hard work!
NO. Emphatically NO, you are NOT being "selfish". Your SO, however, IS being selfish in expecting you to do his job for him in addition to your own job. It's one thing if you WANT to take someone else's child shopping. It's quite another for anyone (even your SO) to EXPECT you to take their child. It's hardly SD's fault though. You DO need to have a conversation with your SO about expectations - and you need to do that NOW, before you get married.
Think of stepparenting as a Venn diagram. Make one circle and put everything you're willing to do as a stepmom inside it. Make another circle and put everything your SO WANTS you to do inside that one. Where they overlap? THAT is your role as SM. Not one bit more. If your SO doesn't want you to do something, then it's not your place. If YOU don't want to do something, then it's not your job. But you need to have that discussion now, before you get married, so both of you are going into this with your eyes wide open and with both of you on the same page.