fed up with my husband
I am so sick of him. I raise his 3 year old full time and have since he was 5 months old. His mom sees him every other weekend, so im left with the primary day to day care. My husband works offshore, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. Im always told by him how i do a great job raising his kid and blah, blah, blah trying to suck up when we get in an arguement. But every single time hes home im criticized for every little thing i say to his son. We have a routine, we have rules established, yes i do remind him of what he better not be doing because i have him, a one year old, and im pregnant. When hes in his room i cant see him so i will say b i hope your not clibing on your basketball goal, or whatever he may be doing, and usually he is doing ut. But one thing comes out of my mouth when my husband us home and all hell breaks loose because im "griping" too much. I dont know how much more i can take. I shouldnt be criticized on how i raise his kid when im literally the only one raising him most of the time. I dont expect to mych. No jumping on the couch, no slapping his little sister, he eats what i cook or he doesnt eat, and no screaming in my face ( he learns bad habits at his moms). Our daughter has the same rules, but the only one she really does is the couch jumping stuff. Im on the verge of just leaving, i will not be constantly criticized by him for taking care of his kid alone literally half the year. Its absurd.
It is absurd. So you are very
It is absurd. So you are very lucky now you get a lot more time and less stress on your hands cuz you are about to announce to your dh that you are sorry you aren't doing it right so he needs to get day/night childcare now for the 2 weeks he's gone per month or arrange for bm to take the kid back. You will put child locks and baby gates on all the areas you don't want kid climbing to his doom in for the time he is here when dad is home and dad can cook, bathe, story tell to his heart's content now because you'll only be caring for your own kids now.
Do this before you leave altogether. He may wake up or he may take on/arrange for all the parenting. Win-win for you.
Just remember this child does not belong to you. You are not obligated to care for him and if the child's father considers your care unsatisfactory, consider yourself fired and enjoy your own children.
Oh this has been done and
Oh this has been done and told to him numerous times. We argue constantly, never in front of the children though. I plan on raising respectful children and its extra difficult for him when he goes to his mothers home who has 2 older children who are literally psychotic, slap her, tell her they wish she were dead etc. I do expect a little resoect even if hes only 3. I dont think i gripe to much, but he constantly misbehaves and pushes buttons when he comes back from his moms. I think dh just feels bad fir him that he has to go yo his moms so he coddles him when he gets home. I on the olike he needs to understand our house has different rules, therefore i must enforce tgem. Its a losung battle i guess
Tell DH that the way his son
Tell DH that the way his son behaves is a reflection on his parenting. And if he doesn't like what you are doing he better come ashore and find a job where he will be home to raise his own son. So if he doesn't like that idea, then shut up and let you do your job. SS loves you and is happy so what is his problem? Stop projecting his guilt of 1)choosing and idiot to swap body fluids with and make SS 2) not being there all the time to raise his son. Time to man up and realise what an awesome stepmother you are. If not, find someone else.
Idk... I'm with your husband
Idk... I'm with your husband on this. You sound like your nagging and that would get old FAST. If you want to make sure your ss is not doing something bad, get up and check in on him. Don't just shout out "I hope your not ...", it's like your getting after him even if that's not what he is doing.
are you kidding me
are you kidding me Midwestmom,,,,have you been drinking, its not her job to raise the little boy in the first place,,,I think she should get a pat on the back. She is being a good person to do this, I'm sure she is doing it because she loves her husband. give the lady a break......I bet your one of the persons that come on her saying step moms are bad.
I have been with my husband
I have been with my husband for 26 years and I have dealt with alot of what you have said. Word to the wise, if I could do this all over again, I would have walked away and never looked back. I know you have some serious investment in this child as you have been the main parent to this child since 5 months old. My suggestion to you is that if you really want to stay in this marriage that you and your husband go to therapy together so that you can figure this out together.
Is there any reason why the bio mother cannot have more responsibility?
Let me give you a small picture of what could be instore for you. Husband divorced his wife and had full custody of their sons (2 & 4). Bio mom left the states and made no contact for 2 years. I come into the picture, boys were basically motherless, being raised by a sitter and husband's family as husband was gone with work. I felt a great deal of compassion for the boys and my husband. I wanted what was best for everyone. A year would pass by before BM even realized I was in the picture but once she did claws came out and she then wanted her sons back. Not only was BM unwilling to work with me but husband was reluctant to any form of discipline for the boys and he pretty much let them run wild. He said his mother was too controlling and that he did not want his sons raised the same way, he wanted them to be able to be boys. Husband was gone alot like I said and no way to contact him (military) so I had to make the decisions myself and when I would then tell husband what was going on he was not supportive of my choices which caused a great deal of tension between us. I eventually ended up picking and choosing my battles. Husband refused to parent his sons, told me to deal with them but then questioned my method or would tell me he would have done things differently. He allowed his sons to disrespect me, we'd talk but it didn't make a difference. I was in and out of counseling for a good part of our marriage with every counselor telling me that husband was passive-aggressive. I kept hoping that one day all of this would come together and would be worth it in the end.
In the end the boys each took off to establish a relationship with BM, the woman that abandoned them and I was the target for blame. When one of the boys turned on his dad then husband finally woke up to what I had been dealing with for years. I have no relationship with either of the boys.
Is this the life I wanted to live? Not at all. Did I think it would turn out this way? Absolutely not. Would I do it over again? No!
If your husband refuses couple's counseling, get counseling for yourself an really question why you are staying. If you and your husband have no children together ask yourself what your role with this child really is, really think about it! We are nurturers by nature really what are you putting yourself thru by staying??
So he expects you to do HIS
So he expects you to do HIS job and raise HIS child and criticizes the way you do it. He expects you to support him and he doesn't support you. He's setting you up to be the bad guy and unpaid nanny, when you are doing him an ENORMOUS favor.
Is that how you want to live your life? Is that how you want YOUR child to be raised? Seeing you be disrespected as soon as "daddy" comes home?
Read AVR's story above. This is where this is heading if things don't change soon.
If your husband does not agree to go to counseling with you, to a counselor specializing in step situations, and/or if you don't put your foot down and get him to either shut up and let you do things your way or find other arrangements for his child when he is away, you will be forever resentful of your DH and his child.
Think long and hard about this relationship and how you want to raise YOUR child and whether this is the best environment for him to grow up in.
I know you want what's best for your SS, but you can't do/care more than his parents. He does have two parents. Trying to "fix" his parents' bad parenting, specially without his father's support, will not go well for anyone involved and causes tons of heartache.
My heart goes out to you. You are trying to do the right thing, but your DH is not doing right by you.
We have figured things out
We have figured things out for now. We will see what hapoens. He has agreed to counseling and asked me to write down my tules for our home, among other things. Jm hoping we can gix our problem. I want my daughter and unborn son to get to grow up with their daddy and mommy together