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Will be part of the sad statistics regarding blended families!

luvmykidsmore's picture

Sad

I've had enough! Going mad and no good to my skids, wife and my own biological kids as long as I remain in this family. Haven't even celebrated our first year anniversary. Ugh.

I've had the worst year of my life. My biological son's too. Not to mention my wife's. I've been a mess, depressed, angry, resentful and it just grows. All kinds of flags I should have paid attention to before marrying, but allowed my ego and emotions get the better of me. Now I've made a mess and 4 children will pay for my mistakes. Ugh. Why couldn't I have heeded my own warnings, advice???

We have decided to separate for some time and take our own kids with us. She refuses to divorce and is desperate not to be alone with only her and her adopted children. She was never ready to be a parent and her reasons for adopting two children seems more selfish the more I think about it. She feels that I have given up. I have. That I never gave it a try....at the beginning, yes. But it didn't take long before I realized that I may have made a mistake. That what I hoped for was not the reality. Not all was as it would have seemed. Lost confidence and respect for her early on. Numerous acts, testimonies that only fed the fire of doubt and insecurity.

I have decided to allow her family and herself blame me for all of it. Just need to get away. Not good for anyone as I am. Need to focus on my own two children. Need to be healthy for them.

Sad days.

furkidsforme's picture

Just get out. Who cares what some random family and one woman in one town think of you? If you aren't happy, just go. Say "I made a mistake and I don't want this" and go.

Indigo's picture

No harm, no foul. Call a "do-over" and find some peace for yourself and your children.

Lemonlimez's picture

A year from now, you'll be so glad you left and got out. I think we all get into these step and blended lives with good intentions. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. I've sat and thought a couple of times how much easier and peaceful life would be, despite loving my spouse, of I got out. I completely understand you. The doubting is normal.

luvmykidsmore's picture

There is a tremendous amount of guilt on my end. And hers. Neither of us were really ready to be parents for so many kids. She has expressed deep, desperate need to have someone help her with her kids. She fears being a parent alone. I simply cannot imagine what and how she would manage if something were to happen to me. I doubted since the beginning that she could take care of all of the kids alone. I doubted that she was suited for it. I kept my brother on my will to be the provider of my kids if something happened. I told her that I wasn't not confident that she could manage so if anything happened that she should live close to my family, not hers. During the time she has had children, both young, she has always relied on help. Over-whelmed. I gave up so much to be with her. My job, amazing private school opps for my kids that would have seen them graduate through HS with a great education, great house, neighbors, etc. I moved to her. I spent 10s of thousands of dollars on honeymoon, down-payments, deposits, ring, car...ugh. I've let so many people down, but I don't care anymore. Too resentful. Too many reasons why I cannot resume. I have to save my sanity.

ChiefGrownup's picture

You sound like a guy with a good heart. But you cannot save her kids any more than you can save my stepkids. You have to let go. She will manage. Probably find some other guy with a good heart who is willing to shell out thousands cuz she's so deliciously needy. Harsh but it's the truth.

Save your own kids. They need you. And if you still have some leftover pull toward saving kids that aren't yours, move here and try saving my stepkids. They could use another sane adult in their lives. Comic, yes, but it honestly makes as much sense as you trying to save hers and you will have the exact same results. Maybe more results at my house because I'll be on the same page whereas now you are trying it alone.

Rags's picture

Move on. It sounds as if you are a good guy who entered a situation where your partner did not give you the complete picture prior to the paperwork.

Rather than be a martyr to your STBXW and her family I would make sure to present them with the facts of the situation and do not server yourself up to be their sacrificial lamb. Your kids need to see their dad being a confident father and man and not a sniveling victim to their toxic SM and her family.

Man up, move on, be the best dad to YOUR kids that you can be. Your STBXW is no longer your problem and neither are her family and kids.

Good luck and enjoy reengaging in your life.

ctnmom's picture

I am Catholic- I consider marriage to be a sacrament. But if my MARRIAGE was affecting MY KIDS is a negative manner, or took opportunities away from them, I'd be off quicker than a prom dress. Don't mourn the lost money/time; rather, be happy that you realized all this in the space of a year. Good luck. I love what Rags said- "be the best dad to YOUR kids that you can be."

luvmykidsmore's picture

We are trying to be civil to one another. Thank goodness the kids are with my family. Her son, my stepson is having a ball at my family's. Something he hasn't done with my wife's family. Trying to move out, pack...cordial most of the time, but heated discussions from time to time. I will admit that I am mostly to blame, but I find myself absolutely unforgiving when it comes to how my children are characterized, dismissed. My wife is promising to do things differently as soon as she works less, changes this and that...it finally dawned on her the other night that my love for my kids was/is more important than my love for her. What a mess! She has been preaching to me about how important it is do what I want instead of thinking so much about what the kids need... discouraging me from getting closer to my own family (she has lukewarm with her own). I've been firm and unwavering. I've done my best to help where I can. The other night she says to me that she doesn't believe half the shyte I say...big part of the problem. Always pretended like we were one happy family, all the kids were getting along, always disagreed with parenting ideas, ignored or minimized my concerns regarding her son's manipulative behavior...just pretended like everything was ok. I grew more resentful. Ugh. Thanks all. I'm moving on in a few weeks. I have a lot of fathering to do for my kids. :sick: Sad