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What do you do about calls during vacation?

mommy78's picture

I'm curious how do parents feel about kids calling the other parent while on your vacation? Ours is for 2 weeks I don't feel its necessary to have to call your kids while they are on vacation with their other parent unless there is an emergency or if the kids request to but not when the other parent feels they have to interfere in your vacation time. Do you have court orders?or do you call as a courtesy?

Comments

MidwestStepmom's picture

Bm called dh phone to speak to ss13 last week. We were on vacation and just coming home from it. Dh asked ss if he wanted to talk to his mom and he said "not right now". I lit into his ass and told him he was done playing this game and he will speak to either parent when they call.

In the past Dh would call Bm to speak to ss. She said ss didn't want to speak to him, this went on for a year. We thought it was Bm blocking dh from contact, until we saw ss do it here as well.

I would just let the kids talk to either parent and don't play mind games.

mommy0104's picture

DH always allowed it just out of common courtesy...thought itd be nice for the skids to let BM know they were safe and having fun. However i had to walk away during the calls because they were always hour long conversations about what BM bought for the skids while we were gone and how much more fun her vacation was going to be. Prompting the skids to want to leave vacation early. However, we let the calls continue because it was the right thing to do. Then eventually it was out of our hands because the skids got their own phones that we were "not allowed to touch" and then theyd call her 3-4 times a day. Annoying yes..but we didnt feel right making them cut off all contact with their BM. And we couldn't really dictate what came out of BMs mouth lol.

momof3smof2's picture

I feel the same as I do any other time. I talk to my kids every day. DH's ex talks to my step kids everyday. Pretty sure DH talks to the kids every day,and if not, then very close to it, as do I.

All of our Court Orders state the parents can have daily calls with the kids. The only parent who doesn't is my ex.

Redredwine's picture

I don't get the phone call thing unless they rarely see the other parent (like four or fewer days a month) and then only maybe call once a week. The kids and the parents should be able to manage without each other for the duration of the placement time. I also would never do phone calls on vacation and I don't get those who feel the need to send the other parent photos from the vacation (like my DH and BM).

mommy78's picture

I agree with redwine&Taushalove! I mean on vacation all i need to say to my kid is have fun. A parent should be able to manage while a kid enjoys time with the other parent

mommy0104's picture

I wish it had been like this with my step-family when my skids were little. BM is the custodial parent..they were with her almost all the time...and while we were on vacation, they sent her postcards along with the phone call DH allowed..and it always ended up with the skids wanting to go home early (although DH never cut a trip short so that's a plus) and DH being highly frustrated and me just being a resentful hag...I wish the post cards would've been enough.

momof3smof2's picture

I talk to my kids everyday just like I talk with my dad everyday. It's about touching base with someone you love. Hell, I talk to my girlfriends more than once a week. I damn sure am going to talk to my kids every day.

momof3smof2's picture

Well, that would be a violation of my court order,as well as my husband's court order.

kaehbee's picture

SoNotMOTY gets 2 phone calls a week on specified day and exact time of 7pm. It's on the court order. If she is 5 minutes too bad. When we are on vacation overseas the only thing that changes is we get sd to make the call. Otherwise we sick to the CO like superglue. But that's cos she was a cunt and harassed us demanding nightly calls and face time and had sd take her video tours of house and showed up at our home bagging out our home and family etc. Judge slapped her with a restraining order and injunctions the same time he did the court orders. She didn't give a shit about the daughter she walked away from....until I arrived on the scene.

Last In Line's picture

My skids speak to whichever parent they aren't staying with every single day they are away...often multiple times a day. Whether there is vacation involved or not. We have 50/50 custody, so there's a ton of calls. It used to drive me crazy, but I have decided it's not worth the journey. DH is much better than he used to be about making the calls when they are least disruptive of our time together, and if SM calls when we are on vacation, and it isn't a good time, it just goes to voicemail.

I have my kids during school holidays only (they live 6 hours away). We talk on the phone maybe twice a week when they are with their dad, but we usually text more often than that.

Shaman29's picture

H's CO stated during long visitation times with NCP, CP could call once a week at an agreed upon time.

However, unless the calls were disruptive to our household routine (dinner, movies, etc), we didn't care how often she spoke to her mother or siblings (not H's kids).

Glassslipper's picture

My exH and my CO says calls every night to say "good night" to the other parent, we only did it for the first 4 years, kids are teens now, and have their own phones so we mutually agreed to drop the requirement.
However, in the beginning, the call was not required, per our mutual agreement, during vacation. There are MANY REASONS: cell phone roaming charges, potential of not having a signal, staying up late at theme parks, different time zones, on cruises there is no cell service, ect. We both agreed calls on vacation were a disruption.

Sparklelady's picture

For the most part, I think it's a mistake to have phone calls on vacation. My BM went out of her way to try to ruin so many times that we were with the skids. She would tell them inappropriate things about deaths or their pets to make them worried, and one time she even told my SD that her beloved teacher had just been arrested for having a sexual relationship with one of her schoolmates. It's just another tool in their arsenal.

mommy78's picture

I think you said it best Taushalove when I'm on vacation I don't need to talk to anyone. Parents do use the phone calls to control the other parent and kids and assume you have to stop what you're doing to attend to these phone calls.

kaehbee's picture

Thats exactly why phone calls were stipulated in our court order. BM demanded SD be available every night for a goodnight phone call. Then she'd send text after abusive text if we were unable to ensure that happened. Judge told her off big time saying she was trying to control and annoy us and that nightly phonecalls were only needed for dysfunctional adults with control issues.