Tell me if this is too much.

It could very well be. This is the list of rules that I have come up with for the new house...MY house...for Thunderfoot (and Softheart should they apply). She had rules that DH made up at the old house and NEVER abided by them. I never said anything to her...I would just go to DH and bitch about what she NEVER did. What was the point in making rules if she wasn't going to follow them and he wasn't going to make her? These are MINE and she WILL follow them or there will be consequences. I am not allowing this kid to become any lazier than she already is! She needs to learn some life skills like YESTERDAY!!!

--Keep a clean room. Clean hamster cage, dust and vacuum at least once week. (I kind of don't really care about the dusting and vacuuming because she's in the back of the house and no one will see her room. If she wants to live in filth, so be it. I DO want the nasty hamster cage cleaned though!)

--NO food in your room or on the furniture. This includes snacks. I don't want bugs in the house. (I am not against someone having a snack in their room but she will take a whole bag of chips or whatever in there and leave it on the floor. AND then there will be bugs. Not having it.)

--Do your laundry when the basket is full not over loaded. (She waits until she has a mountain of dirty clothes before she decides to wash them. I don't care if she doesn't have clean clothes...that's on her...but she will busy up the washer/dryer forever getting it done.)

--Fold and put away clothes. Do not leave them in the basket on the floor. (Again...I don't really care about this one too much. Her room can look like shit if she wants it to.)

--DO NOT wash your hair in the bathroom sink. (I don't know WHY she does this when there is a tub/shower she can use. It clogs up the damn sink!)

--Keep the bathroom neat and clean. Wash out sink after you brush your teeth. (Never fails, she will eat something, then go brush her teeth and just spit shit out in the sink and leave it!)

--Put toilet paper back on the roll when empty.

--Wash your dishes when you are done with them. DO NOT leave them in the sink for someone else to wash. Put away food, wipe of counters.

--DO NOT put empty containers back in the fridge or pantry. Let someone know when we run out of something. (yeah right)

--NO back talk will be tolerated. If you are asked to do something, just do it, no excuses needed. (This will be a battle I am sure.)

--We both work so you will be expected to help keep a clean house. Dusting, vacuuming, washing windows, etc...

--NO boys will be spending the night. This is non-negotiable. NO boys at the house when neither one of us are here either.

--You will need to take the dogs out to use the bathroom. Use their leashes and take them one at a time.

I don't have the list with me but I think that is mostly what I have on it. Most of those are things that most people already know to do. She however does not. Is that too much to ask? Can anyone think of anything I missed?

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He is on board. He has seen

He is on board. He has seen them and doesn't think they are unreasonable. Most of that is seriously what anyone just SHOULD do. I mean unless you want to live in filth, which I don't! I am not sure what to do as far as consequences. She has NOTHING now because of not following the rules and she could care less. I am stumped there...

And thanks for the luck...I know I will need LOTS! LOL

Currency can be found. I

Currency can be found. I sound awful but it's true. This is a lesson I am learning via PPP's therapist. PPP's is easy for now.

Thunderfoots might be no sleeping at granny. If you look for one you'll find it. It's how you use it that is the key. Don't abuse it if it's a biggie. The teen may have to wrack up 20 days of no compliance before you pull a no granny punishment for example.

I would really like to just

I would really like to just let it go and let him deal with it but I don't want the house to be trashed either. I shouldn't have to constantly remind someone to pick up after themselves. Of course he doesn't always pick up after himself either...until I remind him. Men...

I am hoping that it sinks in

I am hoping that it sinks in to her thick skull that it won't be tolerated. DH works long hours and I work 2 jobs. Granted I don't work them both everyday but sometimes I do. That makes for a long day and if I come home to a destroyed home...I will be livid! I know that he is not going to feel like cleaning up behind her but I also know he does not want to hear my mouth about it!

I think all of it is fine

I think all of it is fine save for this one which is very ambiguous "--We both work so you will be expected to help keep a clean house. Dusting, vacuuming, washing windows, etc..."

Have you considered splitting house rules from chores?

So PPP has chores such as cleaning dogs bowl, feeding, playing, washing bedding.

Then PPP has house rules which we all follow and electronics rules we all follow. Then PPP specific rules.

House Rules:

No shoes on the couch
No hitting
No food in bedrooms
No swearing
Eat what you are given (more for kids but we make it our rule too unless either is allergic)

Electronics Rules
. No using the laptop without mommy or daddy to supervise
2. Wash hands before using the laptop
3. No walking around with the laptop
4. No eating or drinking while using the laptop
5. If you want something new on the laptop or want to do something different, ask mommy or daddy for help – do not do it yourself
6. Laptop may only be used for homework Mon -Fri from 3pm-5pm, Weekends from 9-10am and 3-4pm

These are examples bearing in mind my kid is 7.

I think I have that one

I think I have that one worded differently on the actual list. I think it just says she will be expected to help out with cleaning...nothing about us working.

She is supposed to be off the phone now at 11 and in the bed at 12. She's not doing that but she's at her gparents house right now. I don't really care how late she stays up...makes her sleep longer and I don't have to deal with her during the day if I am at home.

I probably should split them into 2 different categories. Thanks!

Yeah that is worded all

Yeah that is worded all wrong. I think just that she will be expected to pitch in and help.

I think it's good, I DH and I

I think it's good, I DH and I expect the same from our kids. BUT it never happens unless I'm right there saying "now you take your plate to the sink and rinse" DH is on board here too but they never do any of it.
I can't be on all 5 of them and take care of the baby .. and I shouldn't have to. Most of what you have is common things that should be done. The toothpaste in and all around the sink drives me nuts! It used to be one of my biggest pet peeves. Lots of times it makes me gag to go in there in the morning. I have had to get used to that.

I have tried consequences, nothing works for these kids, not that I have found so far anyways. GL.

The sink thing...UGH! She ate

The sink thing...UGH! She ate something chocolate one morning for breakfast. Cake maybe? Then brushed her teeth or spit in the sink...not sure which. It looked like someone wiped shit in the sink. DISGUSTING!

YUCK! Somehow my two youngest

YUCK! Somehow my two youngest SDs manage to get more toothpaste in the sink than even needs to be on the brush. I will go in there and they will have it smeared on the wall by the sink and everything. That bathroom is my worst nightmare.
At least the boys finally figured out how to aim and not piss on the walls and floor. :sick:

She is also the WORLD'S WORST

She is also the WORLD'S WORST when it comes to leaving dirty pads in the trash can. To the overflowing point! :sick:

NOT looking forward to this!

NOT looking forward to this! I know my SD will do some nasty stuff when that time comes and it's approaching quickly. I already have to clean her dresser out regularly because she will put her dirty clothes (including panties and socks) in the drawers and throw her clean clothes in the laundry.

YES agree! We have a day

YES agree! We have a day outlines that laundry gets done, I do it if you bring it to me Thursday, otherwise you do it yourself.
I think a specific day outlined is good idea!

I used to wash and dry her

I used to wash and dry her clothes for her but she had to get them out of the dryer, fold them and put them away. That came to an end when she went into the laundry room, opened the dryer and left 1/2 of her clothes on the floor and some hanging out of the dryer. I had JUST put her clothes in to dry and she was looking for something in there. I don't know why she thinks that she could have worn it because the clothes were wet. After that I refused to do her laundry anymore.

I like it. DH had it like

I like it. DH had it like this at the old house. He gave her a calendar with the days marked that she was "supposed" to do chores. They were also "supposed" to be checked off by him. He NEVER did follow through with that. I will though. That is another reason I wanted the dry erase board...chore list!

Something that worked well

Something that worked well with my SD is to talk about things with her and talk about what behavior we expected and to ask her how we could help her to achieve that. Admittedly SD is only 7 but some of it worked. Coming at things from a more collaborative point of view could help ease tensions and gain compliance. Make her excited to move into the nice new house and how you all want to have a fresh start and keep the house looking nice. So the couple of things on your list that I think you could "help" SD to achieve or to help get around the problems are to ask her why she washes her hair in the sink, if she has a half legitimate reason then I would buy her a hair trap for the sink and say she can continue to do that if she uses it and cleans up after herself. Putting a cloth next to the sink to wipe it down after brushing her teeth. Setting reminders on her phone to clean out the hamster cage, or check if the dogs need to go out. Giving her 2 or 3 times a week that she should be washing her clothes so that she remembers to do it, rather than waiting until the last minute. Putting up a shopping list white board or something on the fridge so that you can all note down easily what needs to be bought. We even wrote down an "agreement" with SD7 and stuck it on the fridge with what we all committed to do to change behaviors. I'm not sure how much it meant to SD but I think it helped to cement it in her brain that she needed to change her actions. Some of the stuff she came up with was a bit mad..she wanted me to wake her up in the mornings by singing her a song from her favorite cartoon...despite my hesitations, I decided that doing that was better than having an argument to get her out of bed every morning, so I did it and she got out of bed without too much fuss from then on. My husband and I agreed that if things didn't change despite us sticking to our sides of the agreement that there would have to be more severe consequences.

I haven't been following your blogs so I don't know the full details of your relationship with SD or her attitudes, but if you say having rules in the old house didn't much improve things then perhaps a change of direction with how you attack things could help to improve her attitude and willingness to participate. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be consequences for not following what is agreed to, but that if you involve SD in the thought process of why you need certain rules and get her to come up with ways that will help her to comply with them then she will feel more involved in the process and willing to try to follow it and less attacked.

I told DH that we should sit

I told DH that we should sit down and have a house meeting before she moves in. That way we can discuss what is expected of her and if she has any complaints/concerns, we can go ahead and address them then. She will follow rules...when she wants something. I don't want to come at her like I am attacking her but I am sure she will see it that way. She just doesn't understand the concept of rules because she's never had any.