You are here

Question about attitude

sickofbs8's picture

Has anyone else experienced this...whenever my husband has any contact with his 20 year old daughter he has a crumby attitude to me for about 24 hours? I can't figure it out, but it is predictable. He only sees her maybe once a month and she may only contact him by text a couple times...but it is obvious when she does. I'm just wondering if I'm the only one that has gone through something like this.

Lemonlimez's picture

She's probably talking garbage about you to him like if it weren't for you, she'd be in his life more. He's feeling guilty and resentful regardless if it's even true.

Skids have spent majority of our marriage ignoring their father. If they pay him the least bit attention, he turns to mush. It's pathetic really. If I noticed that verbally, he's very defensive.

sickofbs8's picture

I imagine you are right. Wouldn't be the first time she talked bad about me. We have the same situation...the one skid cried through our wedding and the other left as soon as dinner was over...then within 6 months they both stopped coming around for over a year. Now the oldest has a baby and moved in about 2 miles away. She is the likely one to cause the attitude. Sometimes he is downright rotten to me. She stopped by last Saturday for 5 minutes and I didn't even notre...but for the next day or so I was treated like crud

SugarSpice's picture

stepdaughters, even when they have husbands and boyfriends, sometimes see the wife of the father as a romantic rival. sick, i know, but common. husband is probably projecting anger toward his ex and unhappiness on you. agree that sd might be talking trash about you. been to that movie.

AVR1962's picture

My husband is the same. He goes into this silent funk for a couple days like he is thinking thru things.

Monchichi's picture

Mine is like a big girls blouse on it's period after seeing Chucky. I can puke.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Yup! Same here. DH used to get real touchy after spending time with his princess. He is not as bad as he used to be - but I still feel like I have to walk on eggshells for a day or 2. I try to ignore him for a couple days so we don't have a stupid fight.

It is so utterly ridiculous how these grown men act like such idiots over their precious "girls". Yuk.

SugarSpice's picture

my dh has testicles attached by velcro. when he wants to boss me around, they are stuck to his body. when he is dealing with the skids he removes them. he never has balls when skids are around. they run all over him.

sickofbs8's picture

I hope this is offering hope that these episodes will stop. It is quite annoying...and I'm terrible at keeping my mouth shut.

sickofbs8's picture

I feel the same way. Be quiet and hope to not have a stupid fight. If I say anything at all I get accused of not liking the devious little brat. She stopped for 3 minutes and it was a 24 hour at least of him acting like a bear. I don't get it. Literally she has seem him maybe once a month this year...I don't understand how she still has that much power. I didn't even notice that she stopped. I wish he hadn't said anything...I don't care and it isn't to my benefit to know...although I would have been able to tell.

sandye21's picture

My DH didn't get 'testy' after a visit from SD but while she was visiting it was as if they had some sort of 'understanding' that they thought I was not intelligent enough to understand. Remarks by DH such as, "It's only temporary", responded to by SD in a 'knowing' look. Like they were sure only they could comprehend. It could have been they misinterpreted my initial over-willingness for their acceptance and approval, as well as my fear of a second divorce, as a measure of my IQ. As the years went by though, they came to the realization that I was not as stupid as they originally thought. I've learned to never under-rate anyone's intelligence - you never know when it will come back to kick you in the a$$.

sickofbs8's picture

I get those looks like I can't tell that she is purposely leading the conversation to some shared private joke or game like you-gi-oh. She literally came barging in one day demanding that her dad stop what he was doing and play that you-gi-oh crap with her...and she was over 18. She and her sister love to engage him in movie talk because I don't care about movies so I have nothing to offer in the conversation. She has done it on Christmas morning. But then she got in a snit and rarely comes around when I'm around now because little sister didn't get her way and get to bring a lizard for visitation. Mind you we already had her hamster and her cat. But I know the feeling of being treated like I'm stupid...and I'm not at all.

Dunwiththem's picture

This thread is exactly what I was talking about in 'Disengagement is a band aid - not a resolution'.
For those who have DHs that truly love them it's easier and can work to an acceptable level.
But the bottom line is, even if he loves you with all his heart, they are his blood.
There will always be an elephant in the room.

Justme54's picture

DH is the opposite. He is in a very good mood. He does housework before skids comes to visit. Any other time, he will not lift a finger. I find this rather belittling me. It is like the house has to be PERFECT!

Justme54's picture

DH is the opposite. He is in a very good mood. He does housework before skids comes to visit. Any other time, he will not lift a finger. I find this rather belittling me. It is like the house has to be PERFECT!

HappyHome's picture

My SD comes into town once a year and DH caters to her and the skids like there's no tomorrow. If I don't tow the line, meaning, give up work and make spending time and money on them my #1 priority, DH sulks and gives me the silent treatment. This year I refused to act like the doting grandmother that nobody (but DH) appreciates. When I saw them I was nice, of course, but didn't bend over, if you know what I mean. When SD and skids went back to their home state, DH started with his cold treatment. After a couple of weeks (really!) I got fed up and told him exactly how I feel about what he is doing. He was so angry he threatened to leave me! Haha, 24 hours later he is sorry and everything is back to normal. Ugh!