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BM refuses to let DH take SD6 to therapist despite joint custody order

I.hate.cats's picture
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SD6 has had tons of behavioral problems in school and daycare. BM even took her to the doctor who writes BM's ADHD scripts to try to get her medicated after her pediatrician refused. SD6 DOESN'T HAVE ADHD! So that doctor agreed SD needs therapy, not drugs. BM took her to two appointments before pulling a no call no show, all while lying to DH saying that she had been taking her regularly-eventually, we found out.

Over the last six months we have taken over most of the parenting responsibilities when it comes to school and doctor's office visits. BM said over a month ago that she wants to take SD to a psychiatrist to get meds, which DH and I really feel is unnecessary. First she lied about having an appointment set up for SD (we called the doctor's office and found out the doctor she claimed SD was supposed to see was a part time doctor who only handled inpatient services) so it was just BS as usual. Then BM refused to let us take her to a therapy appointment we were able to get her because "she didn't think that SD really had an appointment". God forbid the hag actually call the damn office to verify it! So we had to cancel it and reschedule. Now SD has the rescheduled appointment set for tomorrow and BM is once again bitching a fit.

I had BM listen to the voicemail from the therapist which clearly stated that SD missed her appointment and they wouldn't reschedule. I explained to BM that I was able to talk to the therapist and get it rescheduled, I gave her the paperwork which asks about her concerns, what she hopes to achieve in treatment, etc. and asked her to fill it out and wrote down the contact info of the therapist along with the next appointment on the paper. This was two weeks ago. This therapist works out of the same practice as the therapist that BM had taken her to, so he'll have access to those records and anything that BM had expressed concerns about at that time, yet BM is throwing a hissy about us taking her to this appointment tomorrow.

BM hasn't made ANY appointments for SD, not over the last year, not over the last several months, and hasn't even bothered to call the therapist that I gave her the info on yet she's pissed that SD has an appointment scheduled and feels like she was excluded from the decision making process. BM and DH have JOINT legal custody and the office won't reschedule a THIRD time, does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? DH gives her plenty of time to take care of what needs to be done before we step in and do it. Summer school was no different. BM had over THREE MONTHS to get SD's summer school taken care of, yet she didn't, she just lied about it over and over. We signed SD up at the school by our house where our other three kids are going. I've even agreed to drive 20 minutes one way at 6:30 a.m. to pick SD up from BM in order to take her to summer school every Wednesday for the next five weeks, because BM's work schedule doesn't allow her to drive SD and she's not willing to sacrifice one night a week so that her daughter can get the schooling that she needs.

SD will be at daycare tomorrow morning, but BM works at the damn daycare so if she decides to be an ass and refuse to let me pick her up, SD will miss this appointment as well. The fact that the daycare is ridiculous and could give a rat's ass about SD just makes it worse, because they'll side with BM. Our lawyer told us to file a contempt motion, which we will but does anyone have any thoughts on how to force the daycare's hand into letting us take SD to the doctor? They're position is that because the placement schedule states DH picks her up at 3:00, they don't have to let him take her. Any help\advice would be appreciated. It's so difficult to deal with someone who doesn't want to coparent, she just wants us to pretend like she's getting things done and leave it at that, all while SD is suffering.

amber3902's picture

DH can take the divorce decree, showing that he has joint custody and show that to the daycare. He can threaten them with court action if they do not allow him to take his daughter.

It doesn't sound like DH and BM can co-parent. There is a fundamental disagreement as to whether or not SD has ADHD and if she needs meds for it. BM wants SD to have meds, ya'll don't, so she's being difficult in any way she can because ya'll won't agree with her. I'm not saying she's right and you're wrong, but unless BM and DH can agree on this issue, co-parenting is not going to happen.

You can't force BM to do anything. If DH wants SD to go to the doctor, he has to take her. If SD needs to be signed up for summer school, DH has to sign her up. If DH has joint custody, he doesn't have to wait for BM to do anything, he can do it himself. Just don't expect any help from BM.

Disneyfan's picture

There's no way that day care director will allow you to take SD early if mom (her employee) says no. As a matter of fact, if BM makes a big enough fuss,the director can refuse to let you in the building again.

Maybe dad can find another therapist and schedule the appointment during a time when he has SD all day. Just remove BM from the equation.

I.hate.cats's picture

Yes, BM is an addict. While her and her BF were broken up he called DH and informed him that BM has been taking her ADHD meds, her son's and then buying then off the street as well. Since she does hae a sript for Adderall, proving her addiction hasn't exactly been easy. We finally got SD in with a therapist, which was going fine until BM injected herself into that as well. Now the therapist wants to meet with BM and DH alone. We're way past that. And to top it off, he let BM make the next apt on her day. Like she won't blow that off like she did the last therapist, or doctor or dentist.