You already know the answer, that is too much communication for exes. Does he claim it's only about the children? Married couples do not communicate about their children as much as your DH and his ex.

They are not emotionally divorced.

I call bs, and heriam is right, they aren't emotionally divorced. How long have you two been together and how soon after the divorce?

I call bs, and heriam is right, they aren't emotionally divorced. How long have you two been together and how soon after the divorce?

Yes it is too much. But he won't realize it because he is still acting as if they are a couple and must tell each other immediately when little charlie does a poop or ties his own shoelaces. When I first moved in with my husband the amount of contact between him and BM was along those sort of lines. It was too much. You need to let him know that it upsets you and he needs to cut it down. If he really needs a conversation about something then it waits until exchange day. If it can't wait then one or two texts can be sent to sort something out. But other than emergencies there really isn't much information that needs to be shared in between exchange times. If he continues to refuse to acknowledge your requests then make him have all phone conversations out of your ear shot in the most inconvenient place for him, make him turn his phone on silent so that you don't have to worry every time you hear it beep that he has a message from BM and insist that he never (major emergencies excepted) stops what he is doing with you to answer a call or text from BM. It can wait until you two are done eating dinner/watching your movie/conversing..etc.

You are looking for the words - I am not a sister wife. Pick one.

Well, my husband's ex seems to use very evil ways, as I've seen so far. She is clever enough to turn it upside down so that my husband don't see the true nature of her moments. but she doesn't fool me. I'm not very much helpful to you since I have same problem. Latest was like 15 minutes ago...I overheard her calling him about some problem her sister has and she broke up in tears telling him she can not stand a thing more happening to her. He doesn't know I've overheard since I have been sleeping. So he took their daughter which was in our house and went out. I've called him few minutes after and he told me that he is driving their daughter to her mom's to get some of her clothes. What worries me is that he didn'e told me the real reason why he really stormed out of the house, and what worries me more is that all that was needed is one f***ing call from her and a few tears form him to jump to her help. I have no frekin' idea how to handle this nor how to act when he comes home.Any help or advice?

Do you have children together? Can you afford to support yourself outside the home on your own? Do you have a good support network? You don't deserve this. If you can, leave.

My dh and his ex talk on phone maybe once every two or three months. They email maybe slightly more often.

They text anywhere from 0-3 times a day. 3 would be a lot, when something is going on. Most of the more frequent communication relates to SD15 who is barely getting through high school. Sometimes it's about autistic SS13 for whom there are administrative issues as well as "incidents" and achievements that we all share with each other.

So both of my skids tend to have urgent or complex issues in which info needs to be relayed. Yet their communication is about 5% of your dh/bm's.

There is no time for this man to be married to you and I mean "married" as an active verb. He's not "doing" marriage, he's existing in your house and saving all his emotional efforts for BM. Lucky you.

I would leave. But I've told you that before.

BTW, my dh often will read to me or show me exactly what she texted him or what he is about to text back. Not because I'm controlling or suspicious but because he is seeking my feedback in the nuances of communication. Asks me what she meant by that or what would be a better way to word his response in order to minimize her ability to fuck up our lives or skids'.

Does your dh freely share these texts and other communications?

My boyfriend and his ex wife do the exact same thing. Its everyday at times. And it can be as many as 30 texts. No phone calls though. It seems like everytime i turn around theyre talking about something. Its almost like she keeps the kid involved in random activities just to have a reason to call. Sad thing is shes with another man with his baby on the way and it seems she talks to my boyfriend more than hers.

Best wishes, xomaxoal. No matter what comes next, never let anyone treat you like this again. Glad you a have a support system. Let us know how it goes.

Do you have an X? Explain it to him as how would he feel if it was you constantly talking to your X.

ugh that sounds so frustrating! What a cop out to say that, he's just trying to excuse his behavior.

I'm glad SO hates his ex.

Stay strong. I don't know if he can make it right or be happy. Sounds like, as it is so many times with these men, they want the help with child rearing but don't want to be the "bad guy" with boundaries. As far as the clothes thing goes that someone else posted-we have a full set up at our house as does their mom. We have 50/50 custody and they don't bring or pack any bags, but sometimes the stuff we buy migrates to their mom's house. Sort of awkward to say you can't wear that to school today b/c you are going to your moms. Feels like making the divorce an issue for them and they are the innocents so we do have clothing runs periodically or we buy new, but a dress they want for xyz reason may be at the other parent's house. It is annoying but we accommodate.

I know exactly how you feel and I actually started to manipulate the situation by saying that I would have to leave the relationship if it didn't stop. It then carried on so I started speaking to my male friend a lot more than usual. It wasn't till he could see how much it made him feel uncomfortable that he calmed the contact down. He still refuses to not pick up the phone to his ex when their daughter is with her but I just said that he will continue to live a very anxious and controlled life and I don't have to live it myself.
It's clearly a massive problem for us all. Do you think it's because men want an easy life and don't want the conflict with the ex???

It's such a difficult situation isn't it. I completely understand where your coming from. It's feels like you can't get on with your lives I bet? I always say to my partner that it feels like there is three In our relationship. can you think of other ways to sort to control freak out. People suggest boundaries to me.

Let me give you an alternative here....

My DH had a batshit crazy baby mama. They have 2 kids together but never married. He told me she was crazy. I blew him off as over reacting. When I saw the crazy for myself, I demanded that he place boundaries if he wanted to be with me.

The next time they went to court, he had a No Contact Order put in place. Did BM like it? HELL NO. In fact, that was the part she fought the most on when they were in negotiations!! But the judge granted it and it was added to the Court Order. She broke it a few times, yes, but it greatly diminished the intrusion into our lives. We also had exchanges at a neutral third party location for high-conflict exes. We would go MONTHS and MONTHS without seeing or talking to BM!!

If he has a Court Order stipulating visitation, then follow it to a T and file a motion everytime she with holds the children. Have him do everything in text or email that way there is documentation. No more answering phone calls! Let them go to voice mail and answer only if an emergency.

That would be THE only way I would stay with this guy. He needs to learn and learn QUICK. He will SAY he'd understand if you talked to your ex all the time. But he wouldn't if it was actually happening.

I would flat out tell him: "You have ONE wife. YOU choose which one."