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What happens if dh disengaged too?

nunya1983's picture

OK, so I've been disengaging from sd, but I've noticed that it seems that dh seems to be "disengaged" as well... maybe not intentionally, but mostly he sits on the couch watching tv pretty much the entire time she is here. Usually he does things with her, build puzzles, takes her to the park, plays games, paints, builds arts and crafts, watches movies. But this past week he pretty much just watched tv. I stayed out of it. I don't know what was up. He kept saying he was tired. Maybe he was having his man period. But even when my hormones are out of wack, I'm a mother all the time 7 days a week. I don't get a day off. He's lucky, he gets time off from being a dad.

FMSL's picture

This happens to you too???!! I thought I was the only one! Only difference is, we have SD12 100% of the time, fulltime, no breaks or visits from BM. So every single day of my life, I get to be a SAHM to BD5, then DH and SD12 come home in the evening and I get to cook, clean, and take care of the house while DH sits on the couch sleeping & watching tv. One time I asked if we could just turn the tv off for the night and you would think I told DH to cut his balls off! He was so upset that I wanted him to actually engage with his two kids (and maybe me) that I will never make such an "absurb" request again...

I'm a mom 24/7 too with no days off. I don't understand how DH gets to have at least a few hours every evening to himself. He's not a dad to his Effed up kid (SD12) and he's not a dad to our BD5. It just doesn't seem fair at all, right??

nunya1983's picture

Being disengaged had nothing to do with caring vs not caring... I disengaged because I care. Hopefully he just had a hard week. I thought I was really great with sd last time she was here. I was disengaged, but still ended up taking her with me to the farmers market to pick out seeds to plant and made an afternoon of fun learning from all the people there. They all these cool nutritionists just for kids there. It was really neat. Then we went home and planted our seeds. Then dh pulled this, all week long. Maybe my engaging did back fire. Maybe I need to stay completely disengaged.

nunya1983's picture

It wouldn't even cross my mind, and so I find my heart aching to pick up his slack and give her all this attention all week on the days she is here. And then this weekend when she was here, she was back to her old ways... so we're back to me being pissed at dh for being distant and not doing anything because he's being a sucky dad! He's not doing anything about it. Sd sees I'm giving her attention because I feelbad that her dad ignores her for the most part so I guess she thinks I won't discipline her. But I'm not going to send her to her room because I'm disengaging from disciplining. So then I go back to just total disengaging, I just will have to stick it out and hope that if I sick it out longer dh will wake up.