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member1234l's picture

So this post is more about the relationship dynamic then any stepchild involved. Im not involved with his daughter in any way. I keep to myself.

Anyway, we have been in a relationship for almost 6yrs, lived together for 3yrs, along with his friend who is a roommate. We are all in our early 30's. Several nights of the week are dedicated to frat boy nights, where all guys come over play video games, eat junk food, and smoke weed, and drink all night. I never involve myself, i think they are negative influences, and none of these guys have gfs/wives/or are financially independent. It never used to be this way, but the past year my fiance has really tried for these guys approval, and he seems more interested in having their attention and approval and friendship then wanting anything to do with anything else. Literally, im sort of a time bidder is how i feel, until one of them texts him, or he invites one over, and WHAM i dont exist.

Recently, my "fiance" told me that i need to move out, that we are stale, and that none of his friends like me. he also took back the engagement ring sometime after that, without telling me, i noticed it missing from the box recently. I confronted him and he said yep, its mine i bought it.

I have put down a deposit for an apartment, just waiting for my move in date to come around. I cant believe this is actually happening now and how numb i feel about it, but i cant help but think that there's some major immaturity issues happening at the current house, that i am now leaving behind, almost thankful to be leaving behind. I never want to make this same mistake again, choosing a guy like this. Maybe i do need to learn to have more self respect. Not sure how to do that, or how to improve upon that.

I hope my now ex fiance doesnt try to contact me after ive moved out and on with my life. He has told me he still wants to be "friends". And he has asked me where my new apartment is at, to which i will not tell him.

No saint's picture

It seems that he wants to stay your "bed-buddy". If you really want a clean cut change your number and do not give him your address.
hope you'll have a wonderful life once you get rid of that adult kid that was just holding behind!

ChiefGrownup's picture

You are well shot of him. Don't give him the address and put him on block as soon as you move out.

Start your new program of self-respect by not accepting any date where the guy doesn't make a proper plan with a time and place. Never "hang out." Allow no more than 10 minutes on a phone call for the first 3 weeks at least. Don't be a "phone girl" - be an "in person girl."

Also practice speaking up. You went invisible with those frat boys in your home. Learn to set a limit in those situations. Start by setting small limits in your life where you just speak up. Your heart will pound at first but it will get easier. Then you can start learning to recognize the bigger situations where you should be speaking up and will be able to handle them.

Happy for you to start this new adventure in your life! You're going to be fine!

misSTEP's picture

The only thing you need to do prior to cutting this jackass off for good is to get that ring back. Even if he bought it, it was a present to you. YOU did not end the relationship so YOU get to keep the ring. That's what judges will say.

Delphi's picture

THIS. Genius. God this guy sounds like such a j*ck a**. And in his early thirties? I could perhaps comprehend this in one's early twenties (even then it's lame) - but early thirties!!! OMG. You are SO lucky to be rid of this loser. Definitely do the flowers. That is ace. }:)

Rags's picture

What an asshole. Move on and do not give him any contact information.

As for the STBXF ... good riddance.