It simply could be she view one as not hers aka skid and the 14yr as her own (she all but raised the baby from birth). It's easier to bond with a innocent helpless needy infant who depends on an adult (any adult) for sole care than to try and bond with a 5yr old. The five year old had a drug addict for a mother. Who knows what the five yr olds life was like pre-SM.

I don't have a clue what if anything the 19yr does (if anything) to get the said treatment from SM, but considering she booted her own right out the door as soon as they hit age? It really could be just for still existing in the home. It really doesn't sound as if she has much use for anybody over 18. It may be she just believes once of age, out you go. She didn't hesitate booting her own two of age children. CS ended, out the went.

The 19yr old may really be a pain. Given that she doesn't appear to show preferential treatment to ANY kid over 18, I'm not sure trying to figure out if this kid blinks wrong or rolls his eyes or has to be told to take out the trash is going to be real useful to the OP.

EXCUSE ME, sueu2 but joining the military is not throwing your kid away. It's giving him an opportunity to learn and to succeed in life without daddy holding his hand along every inch of the way. The opportunity to learn and grow to be a man and to serve his country.

People with your attitude make me :sick: and if EVERYONE had that attitude, we would not be celebrating Memorial Day.

First, congratulations on rearing a valedictorian. I really meant to say that in my earlier post. That is quite exciting.

Second, oh, boy, that is a real hot button around here: "it's not like he's getting arrested, etc." Many of us have experienced that as the go-to line. "Yeah, my kid is unbearable but he could be so much worse." Aaaaargghhhhhhh!!!!!

Your son must have had a pretty bad year to have lost his scholarship. That is definitely something to contemplate.

If you really want your wife's cooperation, get your kid on a definite plan for launching with weekly goals and deadlines. Show this plan to your wife. That very well may help.

But it almost sounds like you are looking for an excuse to leave your wife. So go ahead and leave her. Live with the young scholar and your younger child and do visitation with your mutual child. I may be jumping too far too fast but you haven't given much room to conclude you are looking for any solution other than us telling you your wife is a horrible/unreasonable person and she should give in. Well, if she is horrible, go. Absolutely.

I'm sorry, Mr. Too Old, but you have now just described several major mistakes. It's late where I am so I'll just tackle one. It is the biggest one in my opinion.

You telling your wife and son to "get along" for your sake is absolutely hideous. Your wife is your wife. She's the one you said vows to. Including a vow to "never let the kids break you up." You are blatantly and absolutely without question abandoning that vow or revealing you never meant it. Yet this is a woman you consider a "saint" for what she did for your very imperiled infant daughter. You admit you brought more drama into the marriage than she did. Yet now you cannot find it in your heart to return any of these favors.

There's a recent post in here by Island girl, I think, in a thread called "my gf doesn't like my kids" (by a guy named darryl). Look for that post. She describes something told to her and her dh in marriage counseling about a husband and wife being at the center of the "onion." All others have to be in progressively outer layers. If the 2 in the center aren't solid, the whole onion falls apart.

You are not only not supporting the concept that your first loyalty is to your wife, there is no "throw my wife under the bus" card in a good marriage. You are also failing to repay a massive, years long, self-sacrificing gift your wife made to you by parenting your troubled daughter successfully.

Really, if I were your wife I would be so disgusted by this I would be the one contemplating divorce. I try not to be so harsh with new posters but I do think you really, really, really need a wakeup call.

Others will come along and talk about parenting from guilt and many of the other things that you revealed there. I do encourage you to listen to what the STalkers have to say and really do some honest soul searching. Either that or free your wife up from having to do any more favors for you and start paying her back in cash what you find unable to pay her back in kind.

Why would your son resist? He has it on easy street now...he knows he's got you where he wants you because of your guilt and favoritism toward him and he doesn't have to do anything but some token stuff to get a free ride.

Have to add, you admit you "screwed up parenting" but now you demand your wife accept your judgment over hers in how to handle this? Magnificent failure of logic. Could not be more magnificent. Almost a work of art.

you previously said that your wife kicked her kids out to mooch off their dad, but now I think we have the truth. she's worked very hard to get her kids launched, you haven't and now expect her to accept it. my dh expected the exact same thing. guess who suffers from his crappy parenting? it sure as heck ain't gonna be me. his kid will suffer. you say you're working on getting him ready to launch. you're gonna have to work faster so that your wife will see RESULTS.

see, it kills me when parents don't think long-term consequences when they raise their kids. they fail to see that they aren't raising children, they are raising future adults. if the child doesn't have a plan and get their butts in gear, the only thing left to them may be the military, etc... and personally, I would be proud as punch if my kid joined. risky? yes. but there is NO profession MORE HONORABLE. not to mention, this immature 19 year old will be made into a man, doing the job his parents should have done. yes, it's dangerous today. it's ALWAYS been dangerous. but this same clinginess you've had with him his entire life is what has dis-abled this boy. let him go, force him to be a man.

Before you jump to menopause.....I know you said she said this is what she is dealing with and it could very well be but I would not jump to the conclusion that all of your wive's emotional distance from your son has to do with menopause. If your wive's emotions are so erratic due to fluctuating hormones she needs to go to a doctor, there is actually help for this. What I am hearing is that your wife has talked to you, that is why she is not talking any more, she wasn't heard. If she feels unheard, misunderstood or that you will do nothing the resolve issues then she will close up and when she closes up she suppresses that hurts and those hurts erupt in volcanic ways. I have been there.

This might not be your situation but let me give you some examples. A problem that husband and I had was that he wanted to let the boys do whatever they wanted. The one boy was coming home with things that did not belong to him which I mentioned to husband and it continued. I felt his son should be asked where these items were coming from and if he was taking these items. Husband did not want to accuse his son of stealing. I told him it was accusing, it was asking. He didn't want to do it. Finally, I asked and his son admitted. We had many situations just like this, husband just wanted to let it go, didn't want to address issues with his sons. The other boy was dating a girl under age, he was legal adult age. I was concerned for the girl and I knew from the cards SS left laying around that they were sexually involved. I felt husband should talk to his son about birth control but he did not want to. So I spoke with the girl's mom who did not know that her daughter was having sex. These situations caused big issues. I could not understand why husband would not address them. Years of situations like this went by. The younger boy realized he did not have to show me respect, his father was allowing it which I told husband but it was ignored. The final blow came when SS blew up at me, throwing papers in my face and cursing me out (with his dad standing right there). I asked husband why he allowed it and he said he felt his son needed to vent. I then contacted an attorney. I felt like I had PTSD. I am sure my husband didn't fully understand what I went thru, he admits he saw me as being too critical of the boys and he just wanted them to be able to boys. They were boys at my expense.

If having your son in the house is causing issues, it is time for your son to leave home. My husband did 27 years in the Air Force. He and I have been married 23 years and I have traveled and done the whole military life with him, raised my kids as military brats, lived over seas more years than we have been stateside. It was a wonderful choice for us. We got to see the world and experience so many new and great experiences. My husband has a career that he has done well in. I think the military could be good for your son.

My suggestion is counseling for you as a couple. She might not completely understand her own emotions.

I have never heard for anything you take for 6 months and then 6 months off for menopause. I am going thru perimenopause now and understand the fluctuating hormones. I use progesterone cream to help ease the symptoms and I find it works great!

"Dont post ignorantly again on my post." First of all you do not own this site. Second, do not judge me as ignorant when I am trying to point out to you that it is an insult to any woman to blame your problems on her menopause. From the manner in which you write it appears there may be cultural differences between you and your wife as far as what the role of a wife is.

I am truly glad you are putting forth the effort to resolve issues with your wife. Perhaps counseling would help.