Cannot stand SD14 anymore!
I'm new to this site, but I've heard a lot of really good things about it, so I decided to join. I have 1 son, 14. My husband has 3 kids, SD14, SS12 and SD11. My husband works away a lot. Sometimes he will be gone for several weeks at a time and sometimes not as long. But lately, he's been gone more than he's been here. That leaves me with all 4 kids.
The stepkids came to live with us after SD14 decided she wanted to move in, because my husband and I make quite a bit more than her BM does. When this came up, her BM told my husband that she didn't like the idea of separating the kids and ALL of them moved in with us. It was hard enough when they just came every weekend, but every single day? I wanted to die. And I wish I had known how bad things would become.
SD14 has never been nice. She's a childish, rude, disgusting person who is downright mean to everyone. I do not like her. Actually, I hate her. My husband, when he's here, spends most of his time disciplining her and trying to get her to see how bad she treats people. But she doesn't give a rats a** what we have to say. She does behave a little better for him, but only a little.
This girl is 14, but she acts worse than a 4 y/o. She throws tantrums that would shock most people. She glares at me, curses, refuses to clean her room or make her bed (which doesn't seem to bother her). She asked my husband to buy her a new phone after the old one was broken. She didn't have her new one two weeks when she dropped and broke it. She lost it and demanded I buy her a new one. She was screaming and acting like a baby so I waited for her to calm down before I smiled and told her "Why should I buy you a new one? I'm Beth the B*tch, not your mommy." She actually lost it even worse, started screaming and cursing and rolling around on the floor like a toddler would, but worse. I left the room and told the kids not to go in until she'd calmed down. Her brother and sister stood outside the closed door for the next couple of hours while she was going crazy. When she did calm down, she stormed up to her bedroom and didn't speak to me again for the next week and a half.
She also refuses to shower if she doesn't get her own way, thinking she is punishing me. I think the longest she's gone without showering was about three weeks last summer. Thankfully, she stayed in her room most of that time. But still. I don't get what she thought she was doing to me. She leaves used pads lying around the house. And only changes pads once during her period. So she'll wear a soiled pad around for an extended period of time. I'm terrified I'll get a call one day from her school asking me to take her home because she smells. I literally have nightmares about that!
Sometimes I feel like asking my husband to give up his job because if he did that, she wouldn't want to stay here. We both know this. Even her BM knows this. But I know I can't. I know it wouldn't be fair. It's just so hard most of the time. I feel like I should be ashamed of myself for hating a child. But this girl is such a hateful person. She's so hard to be around and it's getting worse. My son avoids her whenever he can because she despises him and always looks down on him.
Tell your husband she has to
Tell your husband she has to stay with her mother when he's out of town.
Yep, tell your husband you're
Yep, tell your husband you're not willing to be treated like this or have your son exposed to this. I'm not sure why a kid was just allowed to decide she wanted to live with you guys and it was a done deal but there's no way I would be the one in charge of a kid like that while BM did nothing and dad was just gone for long periods. You do have the right to say no.
That's the problem these
That's the problem these days. Kids think they can tell us what to do. My SD19 is like this and I have a Disney DH to top it off. Your SD14 needs some hard boundaries. She should have to go stay with BM FT since she (SD14) is the problem. She's only going to get worse.
~ Moon
Where's SweetPea, she'll be
Where's SweetPea, she'll be able to totally relate to what you've written. Her DH also was gone for weeks at a time with a BM who didn't want her kids around while he was working. Yep, SweetPea got stuck with the kids who put her through hell
Sweet's happy as a lark now with her own kids in her own adorable little home. Minus the skids and her STBex.
Yep i would pack her up back
Yep i would pack her up back to her BM pronto!
Catlettuce made a good point.
Catlettuce made a good point. You have no legal status with the kids. If they needed medical attention it would take a parent or the hospital administrator to do the paperwork to allow treatment to happen. This alone is a dangerous issue.
I work in a Drs office. We had a babysitter who was watching 3 kids while the parents were in the Caribbean. One of the kids is diabetic. The babysitter did not have ANY legal right to seek medical attention. There wasn't any letter left to give the babysitter the authority to get medical help for the kids esp. the diabetic.
Not to mention the temper tantrums. I would vote for the bucket of water or if she gets screaming meltdown just call the cops. Tell them you are the stepmother and this child is uncontrollable and you want her removed from your home as her father is out of town for the next xx days and her mother is not contactable. She is a danger to herself and others. Someone needs to reign her in and it should not be you.
Let the others see what happens if you freak when Daddyo is out of town.
I'm disturbed by the two
I'm disturbed by the two younger kids standing vigil for 2 hours while big sis puts on her performance. Couple this with BM insisting all kids go together and it sounds like BM is putting her younger children into the role of being this girl's caretakers/minions. This script can last a life time, long after both parents have passed on. It emphatically is not fair to these two.
I agree with everyone else, you don't have to have this girl in your home and it's ridiculous you're watching her while both parents have peaceful adult lives. Guess what? You are lumped in with the other 2 bit players! You get to be a minion/caretaker, too. Oh, joy.
Tell your dh this girl needs the intensive care of her mother, her own mother. Tell him his younger children also need a break from her. So Performance Artist goes back to mom, the younger kids stay with you. Let all of you sane people experience a peaceful home life and let those younger ones start breaking their previously designated life script. This is good for all the children, your dh should be able to see that.
You and dh can decide whether the younger ones go back to mom when he's out of town. If they stay with you, make sure to arrange for 'in loco parentis' properly as everyone has pointed out.
If dh and bm can't get with this perfectly proper and caring plan, tell them good luck with finding Plan B because they're going to need it, you're done. Girl goes. Not your problem how they handle it after that.
The kids need to be with
The kids need to be with their mom when the dad is at work!!!!!
They are NOT your responsibility. They have parents. They need to be with their parents.
What a lazy ass BM. She needs to take and parent her kids. Period.
And this whole money thing???? What the hell??? When is a parents income and business of the child's???????? This is so messed up.
Can you and he not see that
Can you and he not see that the REASON she acts out is BECAUSE she WANTS his attention, and he will not be there for her?
Can you imagine being 14, your Mom basically hands you off, and Dad can't be bothered enough to come home from work, so some stranger (sorry, but to her, that is what you are) gets to care for her. Because neither parent wants to.
Can you imagine how alienated, unwanted, and unloved you would feel? I would act out, too.
Thanks for all the comments
Thanks for all the comments everyone! So my husband came home from work early. Thank God! I told him how bad things were getting a couple of days ago and he asked his boss if he could return early, so here he is.
SD14 was not happy to see him. She gave him the middle finger when she saw him and started arguing with him. Know what she said? "What about the money?" All she cares about is how much he's earning, because I won't spend my hard earned money on stuff for her, and her expensive things. My husband calmed her down, barely, and then he swapped her bed for a cheaper one in another room, took away her laptop and phone and has told her she won't get anything back until she can learn to be respectful and appreciative for what she has. She told him she wants to move back in with BM and we can't stop her. My husband called BM and told her to pick up SD14. She asked about the younger two and he said they need to be separated for now and since SD14 wants to live with her, it's better that she moves in.
BM will be picking SD14 up at 10am and she won't be coming to our house for a while. It's a relief. A huge relief. I just hope everything goes according to plan. I'm looking forward to her being gone.
Oh, he told me she won't be
Oh, he told me she won't be moving back in with us. If BM doesn't want to enforce her staying there no matter what happens, SHE will have to find somewhere else for her to go. He told her that, too.
Don't believe that. If mom
Don't believe that. If mom puts her out or something happens to mom she will be back.
There's no way he's going to dump his child on someone else.
Oh hell no!!! 14 is not too
Oh hell no!!! 14 is not too old for a belt to the bare ass. Nor is it too old to be hosed down in her bedroom with car wash soap, a long handled stiff scrub brush, and a hose through the bedroom window if she refuses to bathe. Then she can clean up the mess!!!! Take her bedroom door, no electronics, put her on a rubber blow up mattress on the floor with no sheets, strip the carpet out of her room and put down linoleum and tell her "That is so next time you don't bathe we can bring in the pressure washer and clean you up right!!! }:)
As for a phone ... :jawdrop: Not a frickin chance in hell after that tantrum crap. If she wants to call she can borrow a quarter and hike her happy ass the 10 miles to the nearest pay phone or send up smoke signals.
That kid would be on the next very long and circuitous bus route to military school if she were my Skid. I would route her through the worst nasty crime ridden way points possible just to give her some clarity on who her new people will be if she does not knock off the entitled tantrum throwing bratty shit immediately. At that end of thay scary days if not weeks long bus trip those young experienced cadets will chew up a little snippy POS kid like her and spit them out for breakfast. }:) When DH goes to visit her for Family Weekend 10 or so weeks in he will not recognize how put together, polite, and tolerable that she will be. Trust me. Military schools have dealt with kids that make your SD-14 look like an Eagle Scout for hundreds of years and they will break her down, turn her into the biggest pile of sniveling piss her pants cry baby imaginable, then build her up into a confident, well behaved, impressive young woman in no time flat.
Now that SD-14 has moved back to BM and younger two are still with you and DH ... he needs to file for CP status for the younger two and nail BM for CS since he has 2 and she only has one of their past marital fuck nuggets. SD-14 is a money hound ... see how she likes watching her younger sibs living in the higher income home while some of what she considers to be her money goes straight from BM's payroll check to CS direct deposited into DH's accounts. That ought to give the little bitch some clarity on the money issue.
Grrrrr!! That kid would be one suffering miserable little shit if she were my Skid.
Thank goodness bratty SD14
Thank goodness bratty SD14 made her own "executive decision" and got the hell out of your house! What an ungrateful BITCH! Sounds like my SD19 when she doesn't get her way. Makes me so pissed for you, but at least she's gone now!
Glad she's gone and extremely
Glad she's gone and extremely glad the two younger kids are getting a break from her.