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Just Got Word that

dood's picture

SS14 doesn't want to come this weekend after all - we were going to have him here for the 3 day weekend, and he texted his father this morning saying he wanted to stay home and hang out with his friends. Well, first he asked what we had going on this weekend, then the other stuff.

Whatever - either way I am going to have a long, relaxing 3 day weekend, and that's a Huge WOO HOO!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Why is it up to the kids? When sd was 14 she and bm tried pulling this crap. I encouraged dh not to take it. He called her back and told bm it wasn't up to her. She got ugly and said sd was of age to pick where she'd live and a judge would enforce it. I was so angry I looked it up right away and it wasn't true in our state, may not be true in most or any states.

So dh told bm that if HE wanted to let her stay at her mom's for the weekend he could. But BM could NOT take his time without his consent. And it wasn't up to sd at all. We've all operated on that principle ever since. BM and DH agree on a sked change on ad hoc basis. SD can request it but the adults tell her the answer after agreeing with each other.

dood's picture

SO doesn't want to force him to come here - and he certainly doesn't want to have any contact with bat crap crazy BM... He handles all communications directly with DS. I'm not going to fight for him to come, because it's not a bowl of cherries for anyone when he IS here... certainly having him be here when he doesn't want to be, has got to be a fresh new flavor of shit.

I guess the downside is that SO is trying to find the weekend we can make it up. I wouldn't mind doing that if this was a normal process, however, any disruptions to the visits always come from DS. My birthday is coming up and it falls on SO's weekend which means that SO won't have DS that weekend. That makes a lot of missed weekends. DS didn't come Mother's Day weekend, the 2 visits prior to that he left a day early because something suddenly came up - DS misses more weekends than not. That's cool - but now, I have zero hesitation if we have a disruption going forward.

I have a feeling that we won't see DS so much going forward... his mother already PAD'd the DD out of SO's life. There's no winning in this situation. 4 more years, and it will be over - sorta..

ChiefGrownup's picture

I guess that you two know what's best for your household and have all the background to know why.

FWIW, we thought sdthen14 would be hell on wheels that weekend that he forced the issue, too. But it was just the opposite. She was sweeter than she had been in many, many months, probably more than a year.

Personally, I think it was because she was secretly pleased to find that her dad would fight for her plus the biggest reason was that the kid desperately needed limits and it felt good when she finally got one.

Your entire situation may very well be too different for any of this to matter but thought I'd share our experience anyway.

dood's picture

Thanks for your input, Chief... That's nice it works out for you this way - we have zero chance of that here. SO's skids are materialistic and need to be the center of the universe where ever they may go... BM and her hubby have a boat and he has friends close by - we can't offer the same kind of entertainment, and we don't bend over backwards anymore to plan events to do together... that ship has sailed.

I'm completely disengaged where SS is concerned... I've tried repeatedly with this kid, and it always just makes me feel like crap - I'm done. SS and I have pretty much no relationship and I'm fine leaving it that way. I'm just the chick with his father - that's about all.

I've told SO numerous times that his rose-colored glasses don't actually make everything rosy, and that he's the only one in this situation that doesn't really get what the actual "deal" is. I gave up the notion of us being even remotely a 'family' a long time ago now. This is all BM's doing.

dood's picture

Yeah dtzy because you're a normal grown-up. The bowel movement is the PAS queen and such a reaction will never happen.

Flustered's picture

NYS a kid can choose to go with only one parent at 14. I know someone it happened to where kids BF had only visitation. Ss wanted BF with no rules. At 18? Back to BM because realized it was a bad choice.