How much is toooo much?
Forums:
I got into it with DH about him communicating to much with BM. It's constant everyday several times a day. I've had enough and I finally told him. We've been married for 6 months and before I wouldn't say anything cuz I was just the gf I know I should've set stuff up before actually getting married but I assumed he would see it for himself and stop, since I hardly communicate with my x husband about our child unless it's absolutely necessary for respect for his marriage. He straight out told me she's the mother of my kids and I will keep doing it
That's just what I told him.
That's just what I told him. He continues to just say his kids come first and I do totally understand that but this is different and he doesn't see it any other way. I told him I'm not about to change him if he wants this marriage he will change how things are himself.. We have a little girl and another on the way so yeah I am a little hormonal but I've had enough. He should think about us too.
This is where he is wrong.
This is where he is wrong. His kids should not come first, whether they are from a first marriage or children you share. Your marriage has to come first otherwise he will have another failed one he has drug his children through. A committed parent will always make sure their children's needs are met so there is no reason to put them before a spouse.
Agreed!!
Agreed!!
The good 'ol, "She's the
The good 'ol, "She's the mother of my kids."
Yes, she's the mother of his kids and if that was so damn important, they would have stayed together.
There's no reason to talk several times a day, everyday. It is too much and him telling you he will keep doing it, without even considering how it makes you feel, makes him a douche.
Now you know where you rank, are you prepared to live the rest of your life coming AFTER the ex (and I assume, after the kids, as well)? I think he needs another talking to, another chance to realize exactly what he's saying and exactly how it makes you feel.
Never assume with these men, you have to tell them what you want and what you expect.
It pisses me off more that he
It pisses me off more that he tells me I have nothing to worry about since all they talk about are his kids. I know a lot of things happen with kids in one day but seriously if he wanted to know what was going on with them he would've stayed with them.
Annulment time! He clearly
Annulment time! He clearly told you that his X is more important to him than you are. Out of respect for your X's marriage you do not contact him except for key kid related reasons.
Your DH does not respect you or your marriage enough to do the same? WTF? Time to tell him that you are filing for an annulment due to his complete lack of respect and failure to honor your marriage.
Move on before this goes down the crapper any more than it already has. If you don't it will.
Take care of yourself.
She should know better as
She should know better as well I hate women like that. I told him that if she had someone in her life she wouldn't answer a damn call. But like she's single she doesn't care. Yet I'm the crazy one thinking the worst all the time
All this upsets me and it's
All this upsets me and it's like something so normal for him yet I know she does it just to get to me or for us to have problems. I don't like her it's like him and his family are so stupid to go along with her. Her las test Facebook comment on DH nieces picture (pic her her mom DH sister) BM comments omg say hi to ur mom i really really wanna see her soon" like seriously I get it u had a relationship with DH but isn't it time to move on? Then the stupid niece awwww ur always so sweet I'll tell mom right now". She knows I will see it and it's like she does it on purpose! Yet again if she had someone in her life she wouldn't give 2 shits about DH and his family!
Ugh too late -.- 4 months
Ugh too late -.- 4 months preggooo!
I understand there has to be
I understand there has to be communication but not everyday especially not throughout the day! We can be civil no one is making him drop her like it's nothing I just don't like that much communication between them. And I totally understand being friends with your x I am with my ex husband and his new wife talk when we have to get together for our son but just because of that doesn't mean I have to talk to him daily.
My ex husband is remarried
My ex husband is remarried and I respect his relationship enough not to bother him with the daily crap our son puts me thur, I deal with it myself. We do have good communication (me and him) I also have really good comm. with his new wife.
I agree with you. Occasional
I agree with you. Occasional contact regarding the kids is fine. Being friendly and cordial is fine. Everyday communication, several times a day is ridiculous! You have every right to feel the easy you do. He never should've gotten remarried if that's the way he wants to be with his ex and I agree that his ex is behaving very disrespectfully to you and your marriage. She needs to get a life.
Lol! Exactly if the poster
Lol! Exactly if the poster who said she and her ex sure best friends, what does his new wife or gf think of that, if he has one?
^^^EXACTLY. I'm gonna date
^^^EXACTLY.
I'm gonna date you for months/years and marry you, and all the while keep quiet that something that you do *really* bothers me. Then, once we are married, I will magically expect to be able to change all the rules.
People like this make me wanna slap a bitch. I mean, seriously.... WHO DOES THIS????
Yeah true but here I am.
Yeah true but here I am. Married and all so I can't just jump into a time machine and go back in time and change what I didn't say. But thanks for ur responce
No, you can't change it. But
No, you can't change it.
But you can self reflect that the way you are handling it now is immature and unreasonable, given the history.
Sorry you're going through
Sorry you're going through this, ellcee. You thought your guy and you were thinking the same thing but it turns out you weren't. You speak up about it and you get slapped down. You and your dh need some problem solving skills if your marriage is to survive. "My way or the highway" is not a problem solving skill but that's what you got from your dh.
Many of us here have had to struggle with the same issue about the excessive communication with the bm. It's often the case that you don't even know how much communication there really is until after you marry the guy and find the damn phone chirping at 5am or during the dinner hour. See, he didn't answer when he was on dates with you but when you've made a nice dinner at home and ends up talking/texting bm throughout you're standing there going wtf? Variations of this story have played out for many couples here.
You cannot go back in time and re-do your courtship or engagement. So now you are left with the two of you learning to work things out respectfully and satisfactorily between you two. I hope you can do so.
But I have to say that his dismissing of you and "putting you in your place" does not bode well. Neither does bm's glomming on to dh's family nor her desire to be in so much contact with him. He has two kids with you, yet "my kids" meaning "my kids with bm" will always "come first." That is hideous in the extreme. His kids with you are pretty far down the totem pole as are you. Very troubling.
I do hope you and he are able to figure it out. I also hope you keep some independence so you can move forward in life when you need to.
Hmm...for some reason..
Hmm...for some reason.. reading this just made me believe that he is still in love with his ex.. and she still has feelings for him..using the kids as a reason seems like a convenient excuse.
Just realize that he has told
Just realize that he has told you in plain English that he is putting BM ahead of you in the hierarchy. Now it is up to you to choose whether or not you want to accept that or not.
dup
dup
Counseling, you two are not
Counseling, you two are not hearing each other. You're not even on the same BOOK, let alone the same page. I don't know if you've tried to see things from his perspective, and I'm 99.99% sure he hasn't tried to see things from yours. Get a good counselor and try to develop some empathy and respect for each other. Either that or you're going to need a good divorce lawyer.
Great advice !
Great advice !