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Table Manners and Etiquette Part 2

EOWinparadise's picture

So... I have done what I said I would. I have determined the exact issues I was having with my stepkids' behavior and I addressed it with my husband. For those of you who read my last post, you know that I wrote down everything I was having an issue with so that I could be clear and not just explode at him, "your kids eat and behave like animals and I can't take it anymore!" The notes I wrote down for myself were quite lengthy and eventually evolved into lists of other unacceptable behaviors, not involving the dinner table. It really clarified that I have been living in the middle of a circus freak show and have been hiding in my room and working late to avoid actually dealing with it. So needless to say, my conversation with hubby was much more than just table manners.

Skip to the point, he was very receptive. He agreed that all the behaviors were a problem. We made a plan together and spoke to the kids. You might all be clapping, cheering and saying, "Yay, EOWinparadise is so lucky. Her husband is so reasonable and committed to her happiness!" Let's not get ahead of ourselves. His reaction/response was what I expected. He is always supportive of me. However, this is where the problems will begin. He will be inconsistent. I will notice everything and he will notice nothing. I will become the nag and eventually his support and commitment to my happiness will waiver. If he does notice something our house will turn into a screaming zone of outlandish and ridiculous consequences. "YOU PICKED YOUR NOSE AND WIPED IT ON THE WALL!!??" "OK, GO OUTSIDE AND DO ONE MILLION PUSH UPS, MOVE THE COUCHES AND VACUUM UNDERNEATH THEM, ROTATE THE TIRES ON MY CAR, AND THEN GO TO BED WITH NO BREAKFAST LUNCH OR DINNER!"

Don't get me wrong, I feel very grateful for my husband. I'm happy that conversation didn't turn out like so many other posters here, with the old "You just hate my kids!" and so on and so forth, but I am just trying to be realistic. We will see how this plays out.

EOWinparadise's picture

Lol, I know! My bio daughter would not have fingers left to pick her nose if this were a behavior of hers. He truly is raising kids who don't follow social cues, do poorly in school, and can't be taken anywhere in public. I refuse to bring them around my family. I think he was very embarrassed that I had typed up notes. 3 pages of them. In a 12 font. I think he was ashamed that I would say I can't eat with them because their behaviors are so revolting that it makes me ill.

He definitely stepped up, let's just see if he can maintain that over time.

EOWinparadise's picture

That is exactly how I was raised. My mother in law raised my husband no differently. I am not sure where he lost the parenting skills his mother used on him, but he definitely hasn't used them with his children. His mother and step father have several grandchildren and are very close with all of them, except my stepkids. Neither one can stand to have them at their home because they are a constant behavior issue. The family will literally plan restaurant dinners to occur when stepkids are with their mother. They all think I am a saint for putting up with it. Well that's what they say to my face, I'm sure it's more like stupid or doormat behind my back.

Rags's picture

Buggers on the wall? :? :jawdrop: :sick:

That kid would be cleaning the boogers on the wall with their tongue while I practiced my tennis forehand and backhand on their bare ass with a paddle if that happened in my house.

As Echo said, it is a beginning and a good starting point for leading your DH to be the parent and spouse you rightfully should require him to be.

Good luck, with bugger wiper you are going to need it.

EOWinparadise's picture

Thank you for the credit! I'm giving myself less credit though, because instead of standing up and dealing with this long ago, I have allowed it to go on. All the while I am stewing in silence, distancing myself, and resenting the hell out of them all. I'm definitely not going to continue down that path. It's time to shape them up, husband included, otherwise I may be having to look at shipping them out, husband included. No one can live this way.

EOWinparadise's picture

That is exactly how I want to handle these extremely disgusting behaviors and not because I hate my stepkids. I would handle my own daughter in exactly the same way. But that is just a moot point isn't it? My daughter would never require such a punishment because I raised her knowing that punishment would likely be an option if she did not behave in a civilized manner.

I feel very fortunate to have this starting point and not to deal with what so many others here deal with when confronting their spouse regarding step kids. My husband is certainly a rarity on this site. I just hope he can remain consistent.

Rags's picture

Absolutely. My kid would never pull that kind of crap. He knows better.

Any kid with parents that are worth a shit knows better.

Kids like this are incontestable proof of idiot parents.

EOWinparadise's picture

"Incontestable proof of idiot parents." Fabulous, Just fabulous. I may need to covet that for my quote, giving you credit of course. This is something I've always wondered about. Manners, table manners, and hygienic issues are the things that will expose you for crappy parenting. No one except your children's teachers will know you don't help with homework or work with them. No one except those who live in your house will know that you play on your phone all night and never with your children. No one except you, your bank account, and the cashier at McDonalds will know you feed your children crap every night. But anyone interacting with your child will know you are shit as a parent if your child has no manners, behaves like a barnyard animal at the table, or eats/wipes boogers around. You had three things to teach to fool us all and you couldn't manage that.
But then again, I still married him. Durrrrr... :?