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Skids entitlements?!

SemiSaneMama's picture

Should skids be entitled to a new ---- everytime my DDs get something new??

Two instances recently,

1- DD10 bday coming up. I bought her a used iPhone for her gift and gave it to her early. When skids came for their visitation the following weekend, all they did was whine " I want an iPhone, that's no fair" to DH. DH says to me, " look what you did, now I have to buy them cell phones." Now SS12 thinks he is getting a brand new iPhone 6.

2- Last night my XH who rarely sees my DDs brought DD10 her bday gift, a hamster, - DD was extremely excited and of course DH was negative right off the bat. " You know my kids are gonna want a hamster now."

Why does DH think skids deserve everything my DDs get ? What do I say to him to get him to realize this isn't realistic?

Rags's picture

Nope, even kids who share a completely common gene pool do not, or at least should not, be treated exactly the same. The rules are the same and should be applied equally but when it comes to gifts, etc.... nope. Each kid is unique and gifts, clothing, etc.. should be considered accordingly. Even similarly aged kids are different. Some are more responsible than others and gifts should reflect that. A 10yo that can handle a used iPhone can be given a used iPhone. A 12yo who would whine about it probably has no business with a phone at all much less an iPhone 6.

Tough shit to the SKids if your kid's dad got them a gift that your Skids do not get. Your DH should be adult enough to understand this concept without the whiney bullshit guilt trip he is throwing in your direction.

There is also the non resident status of the Skids to consider. Your DD is resident in your home, the Skids only visit. You have more parental control over DD-10's behavior and can effectively monitor her use and care of the iPhone. I forecast a very expensive cycle of lost or broken iPhone 6s for SD-12 considering her whine fest about the topic.

And end with exactly what JW just recommended. "Parenting is sexy, over-indulging your kid is not" with a small adder of "And right now you are not turning me on at all." That might just give DH clarity that he desperately needs.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

SemiSaneMama's picture

DH is afraid of skids feelings being hurt. Whaaa! Get over it. I completely agree that these brats will grow up to think the world revolves around them. I'm sure they'll figure a way to get a iPhone out of DH....prob by asking for one for their bdays.

BM is all about the church league sports, " we don't keep score, everyone wins, YOU ALL GET A TROPHY" I'm sorry but all this teaches kids is lies about the real world. Everyone doesn't win. Everyone doesn't get what they want in life. Kids need to learn this at a young age.

No way shape or form am I buying one for everyone just to keep the peace. DH needs to parent & quit trying to buy their love.

Needalifeboat's picture

I'm not the person to ask about this because I think things do not have to always be "fair" even in nuclear families. When I was still married and it was one of my bios birthday, I didn't buy something for the other two so they wouldn't feel bad like some parents do. If one of my bios needs new shoes, they get new shoes. If the others complain I tell them hey, it's not always going to be equal. When you need new shoes, you'll get them too.

Certain things we do make equal. For example, we spend about the same on skids and my bios for holidays.

My SD received a new Iphone 6 when she was due for an upgrade in the fall. My BD14 was jealous as she's still rocking an Iphone 4S. She didn't complain but I could tell she was bummed. I told her when she was due to upgrade in August she'll get one too. She has to wait though, they're on different plans.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I got one kid a laptop for Christmas. One got an ipad. One got a Nintendo DSIXL. I never hear "that's not fair!" I won't tolerate that for starters.