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Am I a horrible person??

5000km's picture

I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend. We often talk about marriage and the future. Him especially. When I first met him he told me right away he had kids and I was a little leery. I purposely never dated a man with baggage. He reassured me that there was nothing to worry about his kids lived 5000km away. Okay well that's not so bad then. He has a 14 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. Whom I soon found out were ignorant little numb skulls with no direction whatsoever; made me sad at first. These kids talk like total truckers calling their mother a c### and the whole 9 yards.
I ended up moving in with boyfriend rather quickly. Then came the call from the ex 14 year old son needed to move out west with dad because of his bad behaviour. Although we were in a new relationship I readily offered to help with boyfriends son as boyfriend works out of town. 14 year old son arrives beginning of October things weren't bad other than I disagreed with some things boyfriend was allowing to go on. Kid was attending school and falling into line rather well, was even respectful of me. December comes and Ex wants son to come home for Christmas can't be much harm in that.....or could there? So son is going home for 10 days then both kids are coming for 10 days and daughter is going home and son is staying here. Kid goes home mom lets him get a huge tattoo on his chest (makes him think he is tough) and a girlfriend whom pretty sure he was having sex with in her house. Both kids come out after Christmas and act like total hellions. I ended up leaving one night because 12 year old daughter was constantly in my face and boyfriend wouldn't say a word because he cant discipline them as he doesn't see them much :? Return to boyfriends house kids are out of control and daughter is leaving to go home in a few days. Son is angry he wants to go home with sister because he misses his girlfriend and friends back home. The kids mom told him he could but told us he couldn't she wanted to put it all on dad. Daughter is scheduled to fly home in the morning son decides to pick a physical fight with dad. Dad says K you are going home boy. Boyfriend and I have a discussion I say if kid leaves he doesn't come back because he will only come back madder and stronger and all the work we did would be lost. Boyfriend agrees maybe only to make me happy.

14 year old son goes home and is totally out of control. He runs the house hold because his mom and her boyfriend are scared of him. Him and his friends were having sex in her house in front of his 12 year old sister. He has hit his mom and called her unmentionable things. He got kicked out of school and is now in some accelerated learning program two days a week which we only found out because his daughter told us. Ex calls again kid needs to come live here but he will fail school and she doesn't want that. So here I sit uncertain of what will transpire. Will she try to ship him here in the fall for the new school year? I don't want his son coming back to live here. My boyfriend works out of town and I soon will be too. I don't want a teenage boy in our home by himself. I love my boyfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with him but his kids make me want to run the opposite direction as fast as I can. I think I may be a horrible person for feeling this way Sad

furkidsforme's picture

There is a word, it is called NO. Maybe you should learn it? It's half your life, half your house, and half YOUR decision too?

Did "falling in love" make you lose your spine? Why are you playing the dumb little sex kitten who has no opinions or thoughts of her own to this man?

5000km's picture

My problem is how can you expect a man to turn his back on his children? You can't. I don't have kids but if I did I know I would put my kids first no matter what so I guess running fast and far is the best option

blayze's picture

Unless your boyfriend is willing to change his work schedule, the son coming back should not be an option. However, you should take this opportunity to talk about who can stay/live at your home, specifically at times when one of you is not there. It sucks that these BM-induced situations force you to look at things you would normally take for granted, but it's probably best to iron this out now, BEFORE one of the kids comes to you with kids of their own. If you don't agree on all scenarios, you have plenty of time to move out before next school year.