mini husband
Just a quick question for everyone. My ss12 almost 13 literally is the defination of a mini husband. If it isnr bad enough he treated everyone and myself lime total shit this weekend but my wife talks ro him about EVERYTHING. From our finances to where we should move to,to what groceries we should get. She also confides in him about our marriage and issues with my bio son 3 mom. We were grocery shopping last night and after repeatedly beinf snubbed by him.and the wife lettinf him decide on different things. Then while pushing the cart look back and her and my ss13 were walking through the store hand in hand like a couple not mother and son. (Insert huge throat puke). I calmly brought up these things along with other things to her and she got VERY defensive and argumentative and I had it. I tild her.that holding hands with her 13 year old is just creapy. My question is am I wrong for feeling like I do about this. I feel like im second to him and that she has no bounderies. Its to a point that I cringe at the sound of his and his brothers voices. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Constructive criticism is also welcome.
Your not wrong. Take a
Your not wrong. Take a picture of them acting like lovers and post it on her facebook... let the general public express to her that it is NOT cool.
That way the heat is off you. There are others outside the marriage (likely including the boys father) telling her gross and knock it off.
PS if I were you I'd start calling the kid norman. That's what shes turning him into.
I have a mini-husband
I have a mini-husband too.
Here's what I do to cope.
Like just.his.wife said, be ready with the camera. Any time you see them hold hands, hug, talking intimately with each other, spooning each other on the couch, take some snapshots. Let her see what a little Oedipus Rex she is raising.
Also, keep your mind occupied on many things. Whenever my SS interrupts and summarily hijacks my Wife's attention, I walk away, pick up a book, the iPad, etc. I have no wish to compete with her son.
Now about talking about finances and other "adult" subjects with the kid....To be honest this never really bothered me because my SS is a total airhead. Any mature or adult conversation you try to have with him translates to "white noise" in his brain. He won't understand and he doesn't care to understand. All he cares about is "I have my Mommy's attention."
Yep, been through this and
Yep, been through this and still am to some extent. My SS9 turned into a mini-husband about a year ago, I say mini-husband which sounds odd since he acts this way with his dad but I don't know what else to call it. I noticed his behavior suddenly changed and he became very clingy with his DH, was climbing all over him, wouldn't let me and DH sit or lie next to each other without squeezing between us. When we'd go out he'd break our hands and insist on being between us so we couldn't hold hands anymore. He'd purposely walk right in front of me so I'd have to move because he was in my way.
He started injecting himself into adult conversations and asking questions about adult matters (money for one) and DH would just start telling him things that a kid has no business knowing. He wanted to make all the decisions from where we went, to where we ate, to what we bought at the store. In the supermarket he started getting his own basket and filling it with things and he even had the balls to take my shopping list off me at one point.
He even started copying me. It made me sick. Even weirder when it's a boy behaving like this with his dad. Anyway I got real tired of it and had it out with DH and told him it was inappropriate, all of it. This was the beginning of my disengaging which really helped because DH started seeing things for what they were. I told him I wouldn't put up with any of it a minute longer and that it was disturbing. Then I started disengaging.
He's not quite as bad now but he still tries it on. Now he's reverted back to acting like a toddler so i don't know which is worse. It's as if he's trying any way he can think of to cause problems- this is why disengaging works for some of us because they can't 'get' to you. I totally understand how you feel, it's sickening and the DH's/DW's seem completely clueless about it. I'd have it out with her again and then disengage if need be. Most importantly don't let on to the kid that any of this bothers you because that's exactly what they want. When SS realized he couldn't get to me things changed pretty fast.
I agree. I think when they
I agree. I think when they get to this age they start to understand a bit more the situation and it makes them feel insecure.
It's as if they see us as some kind of threat and they try out these different roles as a way of competing for mom/dads attention (trying to have equal, adult status and then trying to be a baby again).
With SS it's like a constant battle inside of himself, a need to be the center of his dads world, the need for constant attention when he's here. I don't think he quite understands yet that the relationship that DH and I have is very different from the relationship a parent has with their child, he doesn't need to compete. It's sad that they feel this way.
I think that's why it's important that parents teach their kids early on about boundaries and try to help them understand the way things work. If not then the kid starts to think they do have equal status with the stepparent, or more status even. They want constant proof that they're more important than we are when in fact it's two completely different relationships dh/me dh/ss. He doesn't need to worry about it but I guess he's just very insecure about his role in his dads life.
My wife has a mini husband
My wife has a mini husband too, its her 16yo daughter. Same nonsense. Discusses finances, etc, yet babies her. I don't get it.
Thank you to everyone. As for
Thank you to everyone. As for Ghost Flowers response I TOTALYA AGREE WITH YOU. Omfg I want to puke most days. Just last.night my wife was.like " Im taking him shopping with me tommprtow". Shes taking my neice who is 7 to get a dress. Shes taking her 13 son dress shopping. Bwaaaa lol. Im just at a point of almost.total disengagement. The kid adds an IE or Y to the end of my name and I. Ask him to stop and she gets all ass hurt and says "its a term of endearment". NO dw hes 13 not 3 igggg
Lol I've been on the
Lol I've been on the receiving end of this my 3 year old was 2-2.5 when husband and I got married and I moved in and if my son came in our room at night or interrupted my husband when he was discussing something with me by wanting either my attention or his he would get upset and get jealous...
He made me train my 3 year old not to crawl in our bed in the middle of the night or in the morning and to this day he struggles with my kid ever saying anything while he's talking about work and his research/deep verbose long winded topics...
But I agree holding ur teenagers hand is creepy and sharing family stuff should only occur with both you and her not in private etc If she does want to share anything at any point not in some creepy private convo.. Why can't it be a family discussion which includes u too..