Is it normal for me to feel jealous??

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I'm new here and stumbled upon this site on Google. Not important. Let me tell you a little about my story. My husband and I met in March 2014, married December 2014. We have a beautiful 3 month old together, I have a son (3yo) from a previous relationship and he has a daughter (3yo) from a previous relationship. My son's father isn't regularly involved in his life so my husband kind of took on the role as dad. My SD lives full time with her mother, hubby has visitation through courts. I am so bitter toward his ex and can't get past that. in my opinion, she's prettier and skinnier and she's a freeloader who likes to live off other people (example: receives child support from 2 different men, one being my husband, has a nice job, and lives with her parents where she doesn't have to pay rent/buy food). I met my SD not long after husband and I met, instantly fell in love with her. She's such an awesome girl. She's not your typical 3 year old, she talks in complete sentences and in husbands eyes she is just perfect. He always dotes on her. It kind of upsets me because he's always telling people how perfect that she is, but doesn't brag at all about my son or our daughter.

He always schedules his working around the times we have visitation with SD. He's off every Wednesday and we have her from 530pm to 830pm. He's off every Saturday and we get SD every other weekend on Friday night at 8 (he picks her up when he gets off work) until Sunday at 6pm when he goes to work (bio mom picks her up before he goes in). On the Sundays we don't have SD, he works all day, usually 9am to 9pm. We always have my son and our daughter when SD isn't here. He works 50 to 60 hours a week in 5 days. He's a hard worker and I miss spending time with him. It seems like he doesn't care about our time together. He's normally gone before my kids wake up and home after they go to bed, so I guess you could say I'm lonely, too.

My husband is a great man I just feel like he doesn't give our family enough attention. I always feel like we are the second family, because, well, that's just what we are. And it's overwhelmingly obvious. He doesn't only dote on SD but also on her mother, for her being "such a great mother". To everyone. He rarely says anything about me and that hurts really bad.

And then there's the visitation schedule, SD's bio mom can't ever stick to it or makes things so inconvenient. She always "forgets" what day it is and makes plans and my husband hasn't been able to have his day with his daughter because of that multiple times. It wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't ALL the time. Or having my hubby pick her up from someone else's house because bio mom made plans, or having my husband take SD home because it's inconvenient for bio mom to get out.

I have so many negative feelings toward bio mom that I hate hearing her voice. I'm jealous that I'm the second woman and I feel like whenever she is around my husband changes. Has anyone else experienced any resentful feelings toward your step children's mother? Need some advice!

Hugs honey, welcome I have

Hugs honey, welcome

I have no advice for you I am sorry, but I do want to say yes, it would be pretty normal to feel the way you do given the obvious deference to SD and BM over you and your dd and his ss.

Your baby is only three months old, so I would imagine you feel very tired, and emotional which is also normal - add in the step stuff and if it were me I would be feeling very overwhemlmed.

Can you talk to your husband about how this makes you feel? Use "I" statements -

"honey, I am so tired and overwhelmed with the baby and BS, and the long hours you work, I would really love to spend some time just you and I. Is it possible to schedule a day or even a few hours where we can do something together?"

Also

"Honey, I realise that this sounds silly, but when you talk about BM and SD like they are the best thing ever it really hurts my feelings because you never say those things about BD, BS or me. I feel like I am working so hard to parent the two that are at home, keep our house, baby is only 3 mnths old and I would really like to hear some compliments about me and us sometimes too. I know you think BM is great, but can you imagine how it feels to me to hear you praising her all the time?"

A few things- 1- BM sounds

A few things-

1- BM sounds like she works. So what if she has two kids from two Dads.... guess what.... SO DO YOU. It's none of your business where she works, if she collects child support (which she should and she is ENTITLED TO) or where she lives. You need to mentally check yourself when you find yourself lingering on those thoughts, and remind yourself that it really is none of your business.

2- Keep in mind your DH only sees his child 8 days a month. 8 DAYS A MONTH. How much time would you want to spend with your son or daughter if you only saw them 8 days a month??? Not saying the world must stop because SD arrived, but my god, cut the guy some slack.

3- I'm sure it is hurtful to hear your DH compliment BM... but maybe, JUST MAYBE she's actually a decent Mom? You can't wish her away or demonize her into bitch hood. I would think it would be worth a mention to your DH how his comments make you feel, but it does sound from this post that you are a little too consumed with hated BM for no valid reason other than jealousy.

4- No matter how pretty/skinny/wealthy/whatever she is... he divorced her and he married you. There is a saying that "whenever you see someone who looks too good to be true, just remember that SOMEWHERE out there is a person who is tired of putting up with their shit". If she were all that, he's still be with her.

Go easy on yourself. And talk to DH about what can be fixed.

Best advice I've seen on here

Best advice I've seen on here in a while.

But her husband is home every

But her husband is home every night. The OP could always get a sitter for kids then have a date night. He should not have to give up time with the child he only sees 8 days a month.

And the OP's son really should be an issue. He's a stepkid. Expecting husband to have the same feelings for him/brag about him the way he does his daughter is nuts.

The OP said her husband is

The OP said her husband is off every Wednesday and doesn't pick up his daughter until 5:30. Why not use that time as couple time?

Giving up time with his daughter shouldn't bean option. Especially when he's off ever Wednesday.

It is near impossible to get

It is near impossible to get a babysitter. I exclusively breastfeed my daughter and she nurses 3 to 4 times an hour, for comfort I'm sure. And my son is enough to drive a person completely crazy with how much his little brain works and how much his little mouth talks. I would have gotten a date night sitter a long time ago if it weren't for that.

Thanks guys. I agree that I

Thanks guys. I agree that I am really tired because of his work schedule and my 3 month old, and I am pretty sure I battled with PPD after I had her. I'm obviously very new to the whole step parent thing, but BM has not liked me so much to the point that she withheld visitation and told the judge she didn't want her daughter alone with me. And maybe it's just me BUT I think a marriage should be put before kids. Not by much, but to some degree. I've tried to talk to my husband but after I tell him how I feel he just says "I'm a piece of shit and you're going to leave me." And i don't say anything like that to him and I don't nag him so I don't know why he feels that way. I use "I" statements. We NEVER have alone time, except for bed, but that's lacking, too. I realize he's not superman and can't please everyone but I work my ass off to please him. Clean house and dinner and the kids are fed and clean and alive at the end of every day.

He also tells me he wants me to love SD like I do my own. That's hard to do when she's got a mom to love her and care for her. My son's real dad is very rarely in his life so I think it's easier for him to have that kind of love to ss, because he's the onay one 99.5% of the time. I just don't feel like I was cut out to be a step mom.

"I'm a piece of shit and

"I'm a piece of shit and you're going to leave me."

That is a cop out. Try to go at it a bit subtler. You told him what was wrong and all he heard was "I hate my life boohoo bitch bitch you suck" He could have reacted one of three ways: 1. get pissed and indignant 2. engage in conversation as a way of trying to work through the issues or 3. fall back on emotional manipulation to get you to back off. Probably the reason he fell back on #3 is it is the easiest. He is probably exhausted with work and his daughter and doesn't want to deal with issues he feels are yours and not his.

He also needs to quit expecting you to automatically love his child. Read Step Monster.

I think that you are insecure because of your DH's lack of focusing on your relationship. You might want to see if you can get him to attend some couples counseling. Or attend yourself to get ideas on better ways to approach the subject of what you need without overwhelming him into shutting down.

"I've tried to talk to my

"I've tried to talk to my husband but after I tell him how I feel he just says "I'm a piece of shit and you're going to leave me."

Are you for real?

Your husband speaks to you like that? And you run around trying to please everyone including him even after he has spoken to you like that?

I would be changing the locks.

OR he is saying that about himself and feeling sorry for himself but not listening to you?

I believe she was saying that

I believe she was saying that he calls himself a piece of shit?

He says he's a piece of shit.

He says he's a piece of shit. I don't come at him hard either

THIS And take your son's dad

THIS

And take your son's dad to court for CS. I can't figure out why you call BM a freeloader for receiving CS. Both parents are suppose to financially support the children they bring into this world. BM is doing exactly what she should be doing, working to help support her children and ensuring that their dad's do the same.

You might want to take a few lessons from BM.

I think it is completely

I think it is completely normal for you to feel this way. You just had a baby, and after baby is a VERY emotional time. I have felt totally fat and ugly after having babies....totally normal. It is not easy being second wife....at all. Hearing him actually compliment the ex would turn my stomach. I say, focus on your sweet baby. Focus on you. Try to realize that you are important and valuable. Treat yourself from time to time and in six months your hormones will even out a bit, you will be getting more rest because the baby won't be feeding as often. Chuck this BM mess to the side right now. Focus on you:)

I am really thinking about

I am really thinking about all of these comments. For the people that say take my son's father to court for CS, I did that. He is $7,000 behind in support, and fuck I am jealous of BM over that. At least she actually receives hers...
And here today is mothers day. My husband has to work today and doesn't get a day off until Saturday, when we have his daughter for the weekend. All I want is a little bit of damn help and MAYBE a card for mothers day? Or maybe he could have taken the day off today so I don't have to be alone on the one day that actually kinda matters to me. I'm really unhappy and I am really thinking about leaving him and taking my kids with me.

I am really thinking about

OMG guys sorry. My phone does

OMG guys sorry. My phone does what it wants

OMG guys sorry. My phone does

OMG guys sorry. My phone does what it wants

I'm sorry to say that you

I'm sorry to say that you married before you guys had the chance to get to know each other and to be able to have that sense of freedom you get when dating that if you don't like the outcome or decision, you can leave. That makes them sit up and take notice of you but not now as he already has you. Now you guys are married AND with a baby and you are tied to the home. You must be feeling trapped. You need to find ways to get back your power and do things for Yourself.... Make him wonder what you are up to... Start reclaiming your happiness and stop expecting him to make you happy....that's your job.

If you haven't gotten your CS

If you haven't gotten your CS withdrawn directly from pay, you should definitely but I have to imagine that you've probably already done that.

It sounds to me like what you really need from this message board is emotional support, not problem solving. You're a smart lady and are doing all you can do to keep your head above water. Keep it up; once your baby is a little older, you'll feel much better. Also, I wonder if you couldn't get (or even borrow) a pump and then get a friend to babysit. It sounds like you REALLY just need some time to relax, even if it's only for a short while. Just know that you're not alone & you're not wrong for feeling the way you do--you just need to keep swimming!

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Is it normal for me to feel jealous??