Ex-stepmother problems - anyone else?
I`ve been stupid.
Made the grave mistake of having kids with a Disney-dad with two kids from hell.
Did the right thing a year ago, and kicked them out.
Managed to get an agreement where Disney-dad sees his kids with me when kids from hell are staying at BM.
Also managed to maintain a good relationship with Disney-dad, in fact we would probably still be living together if it wasn`t for his oldest kids. (And his complete lack of a back-bone)
In theory everything should be fine.
Problem is: none of them (BM, Disney-dad and kids from hell) respect that agreement, and it turns out that his oldest kids are coming over when they are to stay with BM.
Absolutely not ok with that, since we are talking seriously crazy kids (violence, not allowed to be in classroom, ADHD etc,warnings from school nurse, PMTO with no effect and now therapy). Also another problem here since Disney-dad, BM and ex-MIL and ex-FIL refuses to agree with school, school-nurse etc that something is wrong with kids. Always someone else to blame for their misbehavior: me being the step-mother from hell, teacher not understanding their needs etc...
So, meeting (again) at family counsellor next week to discuss agreement.
Pretty sure that will be a lot of words, and regardless of what is said everything will continue as it is.
Any clever ideas as to get him to start respecting our agreement and me? Have done the obvious and said NO etc, but he really gives a shit about what I say.
(Not sending our kids is not an option since he picks them up at kindergarten)
A large scale conflict in court is not really what I want and can afford. But I can`t afford putting my youngest kids at risk at their dads eighter.
Anyone out there clever on working on mens minds, men that are virtually still married to their ex-wife and their mother, and are able to give some advice?
Do you have a custody order?
Do you have a custody order? Does it spell out that your kids together should not be there when his other kids are there? If so, take him to court for violating the custody order.
If there is no custody order, don't let the kids visit until you are assured that the skids won't be there. Get a custody order that spells this out. You said this is not an option because he gets them from kindergarten. Can you change your work schedule or get a family member or friend or babysitter to pick them up?
If the skids are truly a danger to your kids,I don't see the point of family therapy. There should be nothing to discuss, the kids should not be there at the same time. What does anyone hope to accomplish in therapy?
Sorry, no advice on how to get through to your ex in this case. He has been told that his skids are dangerous to your kids together and chooses to ignore that fact. The only thing I can advise you to do is play hard ball.
Are the two of you still in a
Are the two of you still in a relationship or not?
If not, he needs to go to court and get visitation set up. That will stop allow him to pick up the kids and take them where he pleases. You can't end a relationship, but continue to control what happens with him and his children.
Maybe you can get a court to set up a visitation schedule that is opposite that of his older kids.
As soon as he starts to date/marry some one else, this agreement to visit the kids on your terms, will be blown out of the water.
Ammend the CO. IF you can
Ammend the CO. IF you can prove skids are violent - go get a restraining order against the skids then he cannot have them together. If not, I'd send a certified letter giving fair warning that skids are dangerous - giving examples. He is neglecting getting the proper care for skid & if my child were injured I will be pressing charges and suing for supervised visitation for neglect.
A bunch of stepmoms always
A bunch of stepmoms always post divorce and leave him , divorce and leave him, divorce and leave him. But your story really could happen to all of us if we divorce and leave them. BM, Stepkids , disney dad are still in the picture affecting us and our children just now we have lost any semblance of control
Yep! I've even heard of men
Yep! I've even heard of men going back to the BM that made SM life hell after second wife leaves, and now that BM is major player in the life of children SM made with the guy :sick: