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Partner thinks my son is vindictive

Inneed's picture

1st of all, hi, I'm new and in need of advice asap.
I have been with my partner for a while, I have 2 kids and he has 1. We all get along great, or so I thought. Two days ago he was joking with my son, teasing him a little and so then my son Diablo teased him back. He went off in a huff and then said he thinks my son is very vindictive and basically a horrible kid, just like his previous ex partners son. Now, I work in children's services and I know a fair bit about kids, he most certainly is not vindictive, just a normal kid having a bit of fun, reciprocating. It has completely thrown me, I have been an emotional wreck as I love my partner and this is such a shock announcement. I feel now like every time we are all together he is stewing over my son, I dont know if I can get past it. I'm so incredibly hurt and confused right now Sad

Shaman29's picture

Can you give some more detail on why he feels your 6 year old son is vindictive?

Also, how does he get along with your other kid and what about his own?

There is really not enough detail to give advice. Some background would be appreciated.

Inneed's picture

Of course. Yes, he gets along fine with my daughter (9). He lectures to his son (12) alot but his son doesnt seem to mind, although he only sees him every 2nd weekend and he's 12. My partner does complain alot about things with his son is but he treats him still with respect.
The exact scenario is this. my son asked him "Can you please tie up this balloon?" So my son blew it up, my partner made the remark "Yes I will, even though its got your spit on it" (he says stuff like that all the time to both of my kids, puts in an extra remark). My son handed him the balloon and he took it and let it deflate, my son blew it up again and handed it to him and he let it deflate again and laughed, they both laughed, it was (I thought) a funny little thing. Anyways, my son blew it up and then let it go next to my partners ear and laughed, my partner laughed condescendingly, got immediately serious and said "If you do that again I wont come around anymore, you wont care but your mum will" He did it again (of course, hes 6 and loves a joke), so off my partner went in a huff.
Both my kids have told me they feel a little intimidated around him when he talks to them as "Its always a lesson" as quoted by my daughter, but they are both very patient and caring and my son doesnt want me to say anything because he "doesnt want to hurt his feelings".
Sorry forgot to add his son had confided in me about some things his father thinks he knows/understands about, he trusts me so its hard as well.

Rags's picture

How juvenile can a supposed "adult" "man" possibly be? Answer: You are living with the prototypical example.

Your SO got his fee fees hurt because your son stepped up and teased your SO back doing what your SO had done to your son? Really? :jawdrop: :?

This guy has proven to be unworthy of you and definitely unacceptable for your children to be exposed to.

Move on. Find a real man and equity life partner rather than this immature juvenile boy.

Disneyfan's picture

What a jerk. So now when the relationship ends, this poor 6 year old will think it's his fault that the ass you love is no longer coming around.

No saint's picture

I wouldn't have liked it as well, having the balloon thing done twice to my ear, but he also deflated it twice! If he was being serious about asking your kid not to do it, all he had to do is explain properly that it hurts (or something) and that ask him not to do it again, stating, in a serious voice, that he meant it.
Starting a joke and then ending it with such a stupid remark is simply idiotic. hope it was a one time thing and that it all gets better soon. Best of luck!

Mikhaila87's picture

We all get annoyed by kids but his reaction was over the top. Personally you need to speak to him more about his reaction...you cant be saying that stuff to a kid.