What do I do?

blondielocks's picture

Okay, to clarify, I know that I don't do anything. But DH and I are both kind of flummoxed about how to handle this situation.

Background: DH has sole legal and physical custody of SS14 and SS17. BM has every other weekend visitation and is a perpetrator of PAS and a generally terrible person.

SS17 has been estranged from BM for six months, after she impersonated him in an online conversation w/ his girlfriend. DH went to court to petition that her parenting time for both boys be suspended until she went to therapy and made a therapeutic apology for her whackadoodle behavior. The judge decreed that SS17 could choose whether or not to participate in the visitation schedule, but otherwise, "bad parenting is no reason to change the parenting time agreement."

FFWD to this past weekend, when SS17 informs DH that in the months prior to him quitting his visitations, BM told the boys that their lives would be much better if DH would die. If he was dead, they'd be better off. Then she told SS17 that he should poison DH. He claims that she asked him repeatedly over the course of the next several months how it was going, and he lied to her and said he was trying but that it wasn't working. He apologized for not telling DH earlier, but said that he wanted him to be aware so he could keep an eye on SS14's behavior in case BM is putting the same pressure on him.

DH has made it clear to SS17 that he's happy that they are rebuilding their relationship but he in no way wants to discourage SS17 from having a healthy relationship with his mom (although given the reality of her, that is impossible). DH insists to both of his kids that they should be able to have a good relationship with both of their parents. So we are inclined to believe this story of SS17's. But SS17 does have a history of fabricating abuse stories against DH several years ago in an effort to get the CO changed. So there's a worry that he is perhaps making it up out of insecurity or a feeling like he needs to shore up the relationship with DH.

Does that make sense? I know it's kind of convoluted.

So my question is... what do we do? It's an extremely worrisome statement (particularly in light of the escalating "pranks" SS14 is pulling to try to scare me off) that I feel can't go un-dealt with, but I'm at a loss as to what an appropriate course of action is. And I'm very worried that she WILL try to tell SS14 similar things, and he is too emotionally immature and too brainwashed to recognize that she's a crazy person.

:O

FannieB's picture

I too would call the police regarding this. Let the boy(s) tell the story to the police to sort out the truth. If the story is true, then the BM is actually contracting to kill someone. Very illegal and punishable.

I know someone whose spouse tried to poison him and herself by putting her meds in their coffee. Fortunately he saw the medication out and questioned her. She told the truth and was put back into the hospital. The voices were telling her to do it before they did it worse. She thought she was saving him. I know this is not the case for your family.

If the youngest is also being solicited, it might help him as well. If it is not true, then the oldest will have possible chances with therapy; probably court ordered.

This has got to be scarey and frustrating for you and your husband. So sorry.

blondielocks's picture

Thank you for your responses. I too felt like contacting the police was the right thing to do, but DH has had to deal with so many fake CPS reports instigated by BM that he is leery of appearing the same way she does. But I think this is serious enough, like y'all said, even if SS17 made it up, it needs to be addressed seriously.

Rags's picture

What do you do? You put BM in prison for conspiracy to commit murder. Put her out of your family's misery.

Meet with your attorney to map out the path forward then take SS to the police to initiate criminal proceedings against BM.

No kid needs a relationship, quality or otherwise, with this murderous toxic whore.

Grrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!

Put her ass in prison. Remember, orange is the new black. As toxic and idiotic as she is she may plead guilty if she thinks she looks good in orange.

blondielocks's picture

So... you're all totally right and for some reason he just won't listen. Denial? It's been a week since he first heard about this and I said "hey, have you emailed your lawyer yet?" and he said "no, I totally forgot. Thanks for reminding me." HOW DID YOU FREAKING FORGET!? He just doesn't take this seriously at all. We did tell my therapist about it, and she didn't really advise us to take action either. I told him last night that I thought it was too serious to ignore and he said "well honestly, what are the police going to do?" I don't know, darling. Whatever it is that police do. Don't do them a favor by trying to do their job for them and sort through potential cases. Why isn't there an emoji for throwing your hands up in the air in disgust?

EDIT: Oh thank god. He did actually email the story to his lawyer yesterday. She's great and he'll listen to her advice. I'll relax a little now.

FannieB's picture

Was so glad to read your edit! My husband is very slow to react and respond when it involves his child too.