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From $50 to no present?

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

DH went over to take BM the child support and try to see HHB on his way home from work. They live about 15 miles from us now since they moved last weekend. Well, HHB was no where around! Turns out, she and her emo girlfriend are back together again!! Yeah...new school must mean that she needs time to establish new people to use for cars rides and stuff, so she needed emo back in her life for now!

So, anyway...DH tries to call and text HHB before he heads to their house...no reply. While at BM's, DH tries to call and text HHB again...no reply or answer. BM calls HHB with DH standing there, and HHB answers her call no problem! BM tells HHB to run home real quick to say hey to her dad...she doesn't feel like it!!! (I'm guessing emo girlfriend lives close to their new place.) Seems her exact words were "Hahaha...nope!"

Needless to say, DH is NOT happy! When he told me, I said, "Guess she doesn't want anything for her birthday! I mean, presents usually come from people you have a relationship with!"

Well, just as I'm typing this, HHB gets around to calling. She talks to DH for all of 2 minutes, but now the plan is that DH is going to get her a $50 as originally planned, and take her to eat at Taco Bell or some BS like that. It better stick to someplace cheap! Told him flat out there is no money to take her to someplace like Chili's or something, and he can't just go getting her whatever she wants! I also was sure to give him my view on the matter...people who treat you like crap don't deserved to be fussed over. He says, "You don't give gifts based on how someone treats you...you give based on what you want them to be." Seriously? I tell him, "All you are teaching her is that she can keep treating you like crap and still get stuff!" He says that he is investing on who she will be on the future! Man, DH has some high hopes there! He seriously thinks she is going to become a better person than she is now with the manipulation queen for a mother!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

^^Exactly!^^

IOW, the crappier you treat me, the more I will reward you.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

If HHB can't be bothered to answer the phone when he calls/texts, then it's time for HHB or BM to pay for the little snot's cell.

Sorry, Cant, but your DH is a total dork in regards to that gifting notion. YOU are spot on!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Exactly what you guys are saying! No incentive to treat DH any better! Nope...she will just continue to expect crap because she simply exists! I get this is his daughter and all, but that doesn't give her a free ticket to walk all over him! 2 months...2 months have gone by since she moved out because DH finally put his foot down! Only time he has seen her or heard from her is if she wanted or needed something! A trip to court for the trouble she got into, a trip to the dentist that was scheduled before she moved out, and last weekend when he stopped by to see where the new house was...that is all DH has seen HHB in two months...oh, and from a far at a competition a few weeks ago. HHBwas to involved with her girlfriend who also showed up to pay DH any mind! It isn't for lack of trying...in fact, I think DH tries too hard!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

He will because she's his daughter. Even if she IS wearing an asshat the size of the state of Texas.

Jsmom's picture

Seriously screwed up. She deserves nothing. He is rewarding bad behavior. So glad DH and I are on the same page with this stuff. SD got nothing this year from us for holiday or birthday. You can't have a relationship with me of any value, then you get nothing.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, and it seems HHB is dumping color guard all together. The new school has a dance group, and she thinks she is good enough to join them. This should be funny! But that means that $150 saber BM bought her for Christmas is useless!

MissElphaba's picture

Oh my gosh! When my parents bought me a King Spanish blade for Christmas before I went away to drum corps for the summer... I think I walked on water. I still have it and cherish it! So many memories. Very bratty of her...although I'm sure you're not surprised.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

At the beginning of this school year, HHB thought she was going to try out for the drum corps. It was $150 to try out, and then some $3000 for uniform, room, board, etc. if she made it. DH told her to start looking into ways to raise the money, because he simply didn't have that kind of money to hand to her. The only thing HHB did was set up a GoFundMe page (at my suggestion to DH). When she didn't make any money on it instantly, she didn't try anything else...no trying to get any kind of job (even if it were babysitting), etc. She was told that when setting up the GoFundMe page, she needed to take time to think about why she wanted to go to the drum corps, and do a write up for the page that would get people to want to donate money to her cause. She basically just wrote up something like she wanted to go, and that was it.

My MIL offered to pay the $150 try out fee, and asked HHB over and over when it had to be turned it. Finally, HHB just said she decided she wasn't interested in trying out this year. Truth was, the deadline to sign up to try out had passed, and she never responded to MIL. I guess she figured it was too much hard work to raise the rest of the money IF she made it, or she realized that she may not have had what it took to get in, considering, she couldn't even get a solo on the field during marching season!

Personally, I think she just doesn't want to put in the work. She likes to come home and go straight to sleep for a few hours...then she stays up until 2-4 a.m. on her electronics. I'm pretty sure after she moved in with BM, the school she was going to at first required her to put in daily practice at home with her rifle and such...work that BM was required to sign off on that she did...and she didn't want to do it. She was supposed to do the same thing for the squad when she lived with us, but they were very lenient about it (small squad, small school). It could also be that she may have already burned some bridges with the color guard squad at the new school that she is going to now since BM moved, as the school is only about 15 miles from the school she went to while she lives with us, and many of the girls from her old squad are friends with this one. She probably is afraid she won't get on the squad because the officers know about all the drama she caused with the color guard squad when she lived here. So her answer? Just try to join the dance team!

MissElphaba's picture

It's a shame she didn't want to put ANY effort into finding some sponsorship. The alumni for that kind of stuff is off the charts involved and there's ALWAYS someone who wants to help a newbie have a good first year and contribute, I mean - they're going to donate $$ anyways...why not help someone march?! I've donated to new guard members quite a few summers in the group I participated in. You are right, though, if she wasn't 100% committed to it...going away for the summer would've probably lasted about a week before she had mommy or daddy come pick her up. I spent hours on the phone with my mom about a month in because of the constant work and yelling and all that nonsense...she said "No way, you need to pick yourself up and get to it." Best thing that could've happened for me.

Yikes! You definitely had your hands full with that, now it's time to sit back with a sparkling beverage and watch her fall. Sounds like she needs to.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Yup...the girl is quite a case! When she lived here, she was constantly putting her squad down here at home. I knew if that was her attitude about the girls here, no matter how fake she acted at school, her disdain for the girls had to show through. About a month into her FIRST YEAR, I told her if it was guard related, I didn't want to hear it! She would come into the kitchen while I was cleaning or cooking and start in about how the other girls couldn't dance, couldn't twirl, etc. Of course, this was all while she was sporting black eyes from smacking herself in the face with her own flag! She quit half way through winter guard her first year...saying that none of the girls even deserved to be in guard and that she was tired of the captain thinking she was all that when she sucked. She was forced to go back in a few weeks later by the band director, because they couldn't change her schedule, and HHB was just sitting around the band hall doing nothing. Since HHB wasn't allowed back into competition, she decided she was going to go for captain so that "everyone would have to listen to her and do what she said" (her words). She made DH buy her this expensive dance costume for the officer tryouts, but I never saw her practicing. She said she was working on it at school, but her text records said otherwise. When she didn't make officer, and the same girl kept her spot as captain, HHB was ticked! From that point on, she kept crying to DH that the captain was out to get her! There was all kinds of drama that HHB cried innocent, banking on the fact that DH would never call the coach to find out what was really going on. He just always took HHBs word for it, and it was poor, poor baby...everyone is beating up on you! Even after she moved back in with BM, HHB tried to claim that the girls from her old squad were STILL harassing her on social media...though I was watching at the time (because of all the lies she was telling about us and DH's family), and I didn't see a single thing from the old squad! Seriously...it was the start of winter guard season. I'm sure the old squad had better things to do.

Still my favorite "the captain is out to get me" episode was during the quarterfinal playoff football game. HHB didn't have her black jazz shoes, and thus was not allowed to go onto the field (she had showed up in white tennis shoes). HHB tried to claim that the captain originally said that they would not wear jazz shoes that night, and then changed her mind half way through the day...and claimed it was just to keep her off the field! Here is the problem with that story...the guard ALWAYS wore their jazz shoes! Rain, cold, first game when they didn't yet have their uniforms and were in jeans and their guard t-shirts...ALWAYS wore their jazz shoes! Why would the captain say different this game? I personally think that HHB had forgotten her shoes at home and didn't want to admit any fault for not being allowed on the field at halftime! Not to mention, playing it up to daddy that it was all the captain out to keep her off the field made for better drama, and attention from dear dad!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I would love to, but we all know that would totally blow up in my face! Spring Break is coming up, and I'm afraid DH my try to get HHB to come over for part of it. Seriously...if he doesn't plan on taking the days off, she doesn't need to be here! I'm not about to be stuck in the house alone all day with her!!! He's also talked about getting her to stay here part of summer...oh hell no! At least BS20 will be home then, but still...no!

I'm not like DH, and I've made this clear to him...I'm not going to grovel to HHB! She could care less if I exisisted! I'm pretty sure she would rather I didn't!

Rags's picture

Sadly you could write the message that HHB should not be rewarded for treating DH like crap on a 2x4 and beat it into his skull and he would still not catch a clue.

How you tolerate DH's highly developed lack of a clue is beyond me.

My parents make Ward and June Cleaver look like neglectful parents and hateful spouses and they clearly understood that behavior and performance mattered. There were a couple of occasions in my idiot teen years that my idiocy resulted in absolutely nothing from my parents. I was smart enough to make the connection and not ask about it. I knew and they made sure I knew.

Kids do not need coddling or artificial praise. Then need absolute clarity and to enjoy the rewards or suffer the consequences of their decisions and behaviors. DH is doing his toxic spawn no favors at all.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Think BS20 saved me from having to deal with HHB for spring break! BS20 is bringing one of the guys from school to stay for the week. Kids parents can't come get him (like BS20, he is without a car at school) and BS20 doesn't want him stuck at school by himself. No way DH will try to get HHB to come over with one of BS20's friends here. Even if she currently claims to be into girls, he has seen how she gets around BS20's friends (hooch or clothes, all flirty). Remember...BS20 goes to a Christian college.

I have thought about it, and I'm making a list of rules to present should HHB even decide she wants to visit again...ever!

1. Emo girlfriend is not allowed at our house...period! When HHB first started hanging out with the girl this past summer, she was always at our house, and wouldn't leave when told to. Not cool in my book! I mean, even if it were time for me to go to bed, she would not leave. I'm not having that, or the two of them making out in my house!

2. HHB WILL pick up after herself...not DH! We are not her servants!

3. HHB will leave things as she found them. In other words, no part of this house is hers! I expect the hall bathroom to look the same after any visit as before.

That is just a few so far. I'm sure I can make it unpleasant enough that she won't want to come over...with #1 being a big one at the current time. Actually, should make it NO friends...period! If she is here, she is here to see DH...not hide in her room with or go off with friends. Yeah, that alone would make her never come over! Seriously, DH should just plan a cheap Taco Bell night every other week, which I'm sure HHB would cancel on most of the time.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Wouldn't leave when told?? EFF THAT. That's when you pick up the phone and call the cops in front of that little beeyotch and have them remove her. What can I say...my tolerance for BS has evaporated.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

SD19 yelled at me last summer because she was pissed her BoyF never came over! She says she knew better than to ask him over because I never wanted anyone over. That would be correct, SD19, with a long commute, working FT, pain from FM and muscle exhaustion at the end of the day, NO, I don't want your friends over. A lot of it was SD19 being pissed that she worked weekends and her BoyF had a M-F job, so they couldn't meet up. They were an hour apart during the summer. I guess SD19 should get a better job. Having Subway sandwich maker on your resume for 6 years after you get a college degree doesn't look like you're aiming very high.

I have told my DH a lot lately that there is going to be a list of House Rules for the summertime. SD13 can figure it out, SD19 thinks she doesn't have to do anything. It would be so much different if these skids helped out more around the house. SD19 is too old to change. She is who she is, just like your HHB. There are just some who will never change.

I told DH just last night that the SDs should be serving US, not the other way around. We work FT and pay for the luxuries around here. They should be grateful. Of course, now with my hedgehog soap opera, we'll see what the summer brings!

Laughing at dtzy above! Boot camp would be hilarious for HHB! No time for hair and make-up! LOL Just saw a Taco Bell commercial and thought of HHB lol. "Steak, steak and more steak....and cheese!" Bwahahahah!

~ Moon

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

The part about not wanting friends around...exactly!!!! Yes I work from home and don't have commute, but that doesn't change the fact that after a day of work, I want the peace of my home...not dealing with loud giggling and such. This is especially true when I go to bed. And my weekends are my weekends! To have your friends over the whole weekend is uncool...especially when they never bring money and expect you to pay! We get breakfast on the way to church and go out to lunch after on Sunday...when HHB would invite her old boyfriend or emo there for a while, they NEVER brought money! Every weekend we were paying for one of HHB's "little friends"! Not cool! BD24's friends and BS20's friends would alway bring money and didn't expect us to pay...we would every now and then, but it wasn't a regular thing! They also went right home after we got back from church to let us have our time, instead of hanging around past dinner without even asking if it was okay. Yeah...HHB attracts people just as entitled and disrespectful as she is!

I'm thinking HHB needs to think about a job this summer instead of coming to my house! Plenty of options really close to BM's new place! Fast food, grocery store, Wal-Mart, etc. Would be funny to see if she can even hold a job the whole summer! I could see a lot of calling in sick or just not showing up cause she ain't feeling it...would rather spend the day by the pool now that she is in a neighborhood with two of them!

Calypso1977's picture

my fiance is the same way.

gives SD14 one, expensive gift (usually $200) that she's "demanded" for her birthday and christmas every year. to his credit, he spends no money on her the rest of the year, but it still is irritating to watch her back talk, be rude, avoid visits, etc. and then still get nice gifts.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I know...it is infuriating as hell! I just know the girl thinks she is going somewhere nice for dinner. DH better set her straight...it is Taco Bell or Wendy's for you brat! As of this morning, he still hasn't gotten her gift card. I refused to get it for him when I went to the store. I'm done! He is on his own with gifts from now on! All I will do is give him his budget.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Today is HHB's birthday...thank goodness it will be over after today! Supposedly, she and DH are still on for their little outing today. DH better keep it cheap, or he will have to face the wrath of me! He doesn't have money to splurge on her, and I refuse to contribute! After today is over, I hope she goes back to completely ignoring DH. She is still totally ignoring my MIL. MIL brought it up yesterday, and DH was not happy. Hello? Can't you see your spawn is being a total b***h to everyone in YOUR family? Sorry, if it were my kid ignoring and disrespecting one of my parents like that, oh hell no! You respect your elders, even if it means you respond back to their text messages! I hate being on the phone with my grandfather...he is at that age that he just goes on and on and on about stuff from years ago...the war, things I did as a little girl, etc. But he's my grandfather, and if he calls, I take his call. If I miss his call, I call him back. I give him a good 15 minutes at least of rambling before I tell him I love him and I need to go. It's called respect!

Oh, yeah..HHB doesn't know the meaning of the word! And, she knows my MIL is broke and won't get her anything big...maybe A shirt from Kohl's or something...so what is the sense in putting up with her, right? There is still a chance that DH will get her something big in her mind...I hope she gets totally offended with $50 and a cheap dinner. Maybe she won't be able to hide her ungratefulness from DH, and he can see more of who she really is!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

So glad HHB's birthday is over! She can go back to ignoring DH, which I'm sure she will do after all she got was $50 and a dinner at Taco Bell! BWAHAHAHAHA! I would have loved to be a fly on the wall after DH left her home to read her texts or hear her talk to her friends about how crappy DH's gift to her was. I can promise you she was EXPECTING something like an iPhone or something. Little does she know that DH used her upgrade to get his iPhone 6 Plus...lol!

We should be free of fake sickening sweetness until at least Halloween, now. If we are lucky, she won't start until Thanksgiving.