new husband, previous steokids and grandkids.
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Have been remarried almost 3 years. My husband feels the sk do not respect me, so therefore we argue about them all the time. I raised my ss(42) and sd (44) SINCE THEY WERE 6 AND 8 YRS OF AGE. SO THEY ARE LIKE MY OWN CHILDREN, plus I had one son previous to that marriage. I left my previous marriage of 31 yrs. to be with my now DH. My SD and her daughter wouldnt have anything to do with me for over a year or more not wanting to upset the ex of mine. Finally I started having a relationship with them again but my DH says they use me. They don't come around and just call when they need a babysitter or something. I drop everything and run to them. They aren't crazy about him, said he's jealous and don't like them. I feel torn!
Wait....let me get this
Wait....let me get this straight.
You left a marriage of 31 years to be with your current H (which is a nice way of saying you had an affair).
In prior marriage you had two skids.
Skids are interfering in your current relationship.
Current H feels you're being used by former skids.
You drop everything and run out the door to do former skids bidding.
And you're feeling torn because you're showing no loyalty to your current husband?
Basically, you feel guilty for screwing around on exH of 31 years to be with now H. To make yourself feel better, you're allowing yourself to be used by former skids to atone for your sins.
My advice is to get some personal and marriage counseling. Cut back on your relationship with your skids. Spend more quality with your husband.
In around about way, yes and
In around about way, yes and no. After 31 yrs. I was not happy but I loved my SK! After my ex and I started having major problems then I was attracted to a distant new friend of ours we hadn't known long. After I moved out and into my BS home, my DH and I started going out to eat. It wasn't about sex case he can't do anything and that was ok with me. I do feel guilty I busted up my home cause of all my kids and GK. My DH wouldn't mind my relationship with them if they'd just help me out when I need it. I'm always there for them. I'm so close to leaving him because I do feel like I'm never going to have any peace. My DH likes to take off and go on trips and I can't get anyone to take care of my dog--they will come over and feed her and let her out to potty. I did counseling for awhile when I first met my DH and was with him. It helped me some so maybe I do need to go back to it. Thank you!
They run to me because their
They run to me because their own Dad won't do what I do--which is babysit mostly. Their BM has never ever been in the pic. She didn't want to be a Mom and left them. What GK mostly want is to be with me and do things with me. My SS and SD are usually working and don't have much time to spare when not working. My DH thinks the SS and SGD (She has a 7 yr. old daughter)uses me to keep their kids. My DH gets mad if they come over too much and then again if they don't come over very much. I feel I ruined my SK and SGK lives when I left my ex.
Only regret I'm having is
Only regret I'm having is thinking we'd all be one big happy family! I love it when my kids and grandkids and DH do have time together. My DH is the one that makes waves about everything. When I tell him he's making a big deal over things he tells me I should go back to my ex and be one happy family again. He's this way with my son also. As long as they are doing something for me he has no problem with them.
Thank you and yes I do love
Thank you and yes I do love my SK and my SGK. My SS never ever turned his back on me. My SD and SGD DID FOR ABOUT A YEAR BECAUSE THEY WERE AFRAID MY EX WOULD DO SOMETHING TO HIMSELF. I finally won them back in their hearts. I just didn't know if I was doing wrong by trying to keep them in my life, my DH says they never stop to see me, but they call and want me to do something for them and I do it. My GD is the worse to do this. She and I have always been close. I even explained to her the reality of all this and she says she wants me happy but it seems like her and I can't ever do things together case my DH wants to know how long I'll be--he wants a time! I even turn the volume down on my cell phone so if one of the GK does call he won't hear it and make remarks as to what they want now. I can't tell the GK they can come over unless I run it by him first, no spur of the moment. I feel like I'm walking on eggs around them all! My GK would come over, but he says they only come when they have nothing better to do. I have a 3,7,10,12,and 15 yr. old. I see it one way and he sees it another. They don't use me--life is just so busy nowdays.
Your husband sounds like an
Your husband sounds like an ass. My son 23, nieces 16 and 9 and nephews 17 and 8 are free to go to my parents (mom and stepdad married for 41 years next month) any time they want. My dad would never tell my mom that the grandkids have to call fist or that she has to clear a visit with him. The kids all have bedrooms there. Hell, my son is there more than home. (He’s in grad school and working, so not in his own place yet)
It sounds like he's jealous of the relationship you have with your grandkids.
I agree with you that I did
I agree with you that I did bring this on myself. I just didn't think it would turn out this way. The GK want to come over and see me and they do come over, but my DH doesn't want spur of the moment and constant. It's not my SK or SGK that causes so much drama over this, it's my DH. I try to balance it all, but fail at that. I keep wondering if my DH and I split up, would I be happier, I could have my GK anytime I wanted.
Oh SNAP! So...it sounds like
Oh SNAP! So...it sounds like you had an affair, left your husband, and married your current husband. I think I can see the skids' point of view - are they afraid you're going to get tired of their daddy and drop him when you find your next love interest.
Confusion sets in when I see that you have RAISED your STEPkids for the last 31 years??? Huh?? Are the 42 and 44 year olds your STEPS or your BIOS???
Regardless, these "kids" are adults. Your main focus should be your other half. I also think you should seriously considering counseling. This is ... weirding me out.
I married when I was 18 and
I married when I was 18 and had my son when I was 22. His DAD went to the Army and came back a doper. We divorced after 6 yrs. and I remarried a year after that. He was abusive so we divorced after 2 yrs. Met my 3rd husband and he had two children. We married and had our three kids living with us. My GD was born much later in yrs. and she and I were close. My 31 yr. husband controlled the money and when I could go to my son's softball games, when I could go see my Mother and how long I could be gone. I always felt it was my fault I lived the way I did cause of my poor decisions of men. Wish I could do life over again and I'd be stronger to be on my own and be single. I'm not good on relationships as you can see and not proud of it. I sometimes now wish I were single cause I hate this arguing.
If you wish you were single
If you wish you were single and would rather be with your grandkids more than your husband...then I honestly don't understand why you are still with him. Is it because you don't want yet another failed relationship??
Maybe you should sit down and make a list about your current and past significant others. I had a pattern of being with bad men (3 serious relationships) so I sat down and made a list: their family backgrounds, their habits, etc. The big picture - the 3 looked very different. However, when I looked at the basics, they were identical. I chose the SAME TYPE OF MAN Every.Single.Time. Men who hated their fathers and adored their mothers. Men who wanted a woman who was nurturing (like Mommy) and would take care of them, but at the same time resented her for her nurturing ways - a love/hate relationship with me. Men who had addictions - all 3 were alcoholics and hid it until well into the relationship. Anyways...when I finally realized this, I consciously made the effort to break the pattern. My DH (and 4th serious relationship) is NOTHING like the men in my past.
Thank you for your input.
Thank you for your input. This is how my DH sees it too.
Them ex step kids of yours
Them ex step kids of yours should be happy for you and wish you well. They are grown ass adults with their own life. You done your job , got sick of your life and moved forward. They probably see their daddy lonely and figure they can put things in your head of guilt to leave him and go back to their lonely dad so he will stop interfering with their life. Cut the cord and be happy because your life is running out. You can't go back to their dad or he will make your life miserable and not you ever live it down.
Why would they be happy for
Why would they be happy for her and wish her well? She cheated on their father with ONE OF HIS FRIENDS. :?
Several posters here have BMs who did the same thing to their husband's. No one has ever said they should be happy for BM. :sick:
Actually It's not so much my
Actually It's not so much my SK as much as it is my SGD. She has a 7 yr old and wants me in her life but she needs mamaw to be there. I've always been there for her. My DH says if she'd come around more he wouldn't think anything about it. She is 28, divorced and holding down 2 partime jobs during the week, regular job on weekends, going to college, makes cakes on the side for sale, and takes care of her daughter. Her Mom helps her out, sometimes my ex will, and if she asks me to help my DH acts like I'm the only one who helps her out.
Yup, the guy is an ass. That
Yup, the guy is an ass. That young lady is doing more than many of the adult SKs around here. She's working two jobs, attending school and has a side job. She sounds like a great mom who is setting a wonderful example for her daughter.
That's right. They are not
That's right. They are not going to be happy for you. Putting you on a guilt trip into leaving your new husband until you are single and have nobody like their dad is now but he has them so he isn't really alone. Blood is thicker than water.
sounds like skids have your
sounds like skids have your right where they want you: you feel guilty about what you did to their dad and they have you wrapped around their little fingers. why in the world would they EVER give that up? they don't want you to be happy, they want you to continue with their services. your dh is right. if you can't move on from you guilt and give him the wife he THOUGHT he was getting when he married you, do him a favor and move on.