You are here

Hey BM and DH, did ya hear the news? I am NOT SD's parent!

asgoodasitgets's picture

Last night Dh called BM regarding the insurance issue (see my blog). Apparently, the state insurance office entered BM's income twice which is why SD's policy is being cancelled. He told BM that if she sends in her most recent paystub, they will re-enter the information correctly and SD's coverage under BM will be re-instated. BM says that she makes too much money now and no longer qualifies. DH is like, OK, but I qualify so I will just sign SD up under my name. BM says she doesn't understand how DH can qualify since we have a 2 income household. WTF? How does my income matter at all? I am sure BM is thinking that my income will be included in the upcoming CS review and she is just fishing for info. Newsflash BM: I am not SD's parent and am not financially responsible for her! Not to mention that BM has never referred to me as "SD's stepmom" but always "DH's wife". Clearly, I am not good enough in her eyes to be a parent to SD in any way except financially.

This morning DH wakes me up early to tell me that school is cancelled again for weather issues and that I'll "have to help him out today." He then proceeds to get ready to leave the house to go to a meeting, yells at me to get up to fix breakfast for SD, and that he'll discuss what we're doing with her when he gets back. WTF? Didn't ask for my help, but told me I HAVE to help him. Didn't ask about my plans for the day, just assumed I was free to watch SD. I guess he also forgot that I am not SD's parent and therefore am not responsible for caring for his child!

When he got back from his meeting, he said he was taking SD to his mom's until BM got off work this afternoon. This is in direct violation of his CO which says that on non-school days he is to drop SD off with BM at 7 am (if BM is off) or at daycare at 10 am (if BM is working). I asked why he didn't drop her at daycare at 10. He said that wasn't what the CO said, that BM said it was meet at 5:50 pm on non-school days. I lost it. I was like "How come the only non-parent in this situation is the ONLY effing person to know what your all's CO says? How come the only non-parent in this situation is the ONLY person who is being inconvenienced by school being cancelled? You are as bad as BM! I am so happy that we spend the last 3 years and $20K on a new CO only to have neither you nor BM know what it effing says or follow it! I am tired of getting treated like a parent only when it's convenient for the 2 of you!" He says "But I just want to spend some extra time with SD." I replied "But you're not spending time with her - you dumped her on me and now you're dumping her on your mom until BM can take her!" He says "Well, it's probably the last snow day this year so we won't have to deal with it anymore." Um, what about the next 11 years of school, DH??!! Gah - I hate all these people.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Pull out the CO and highlight it. He needs to be shown. Also, never do this or they tend to take advantage of us.

asgoodasitgets's picture

I would pull out the CO but dumbass DH mailed it back to his attorney after signing it WITHOUT making a copy first. So we are still waiting for attorney to mail us back a copy. Trust me, I already yelled at DH for this move. He didn't understand the big deal until I was like "wait until you get a bill from your attorney for $100 for having to make copies and put your CO in the mail which is something you could have done for FREE if you had just used your brain for once!" Yeah, I know I am a bitch but really?? Fortunately, I have the ability to retain information that I read so I can remember what the CO says without having it in front of me, but I guess I am the only one.

As far as doing this again, I plan on having a convo with DH tonight about what he needs to do in the future if school is out or if he needs my help in some other way with SD.

asgoodasitgets's picture

Yep. One time I attended a school orientation for SD because DH had a prior commitment. I attempted to discuss transportation arrangements with BM so we could get the forms filled out and she refused. She e-mailed my DH that "his wife is not the one I will deal with when it comes to decisions for OUR daughter". Yikes, calm down lady, I just wanted to make sure your daughter got home safely. My bad.

Shaman29's picture

It's based on the income of the bio-parents, not the step-parents.

The second that changes, you can probably guaranty there will be a shit-ton of people only living together and not getting married. Hell, I would have divorced my H in a New York minute if I was told my income would be part of the CS assessment.

Shaman29's picture

Ass kicking to commence in 3....2.....1....

Seriously, both your H and the BM need to be read the riot act in regard to THEIR kid and boundaries concerning you as the step-parent. Tout de suite.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Ass kicking to commence...and there's a countdown? Oh HELL NO! It takes A LOT, but I go from zero to bitch INSTANTLY. There is NOT countdown. MEOW.

StepLady's picture

Take charge of yourself and your life, DH will either figure things out on his own or resent you for putting him in the driver's seat of HIS life, problems, kids, BM drama and bail. But work on yourself and your self esteem, get YOUR self into counseling and figure out what you want to do. DH if your partner not your dad! My DH almost lost me when he got the two mixed up and things are really good right now. You can get your partner back after losing him to stupidity and step life.