Failing & "I dont have time for that"
SS16 lives with BM. In the 10+ years I've known DH, SS has lived with her all but one year. Because we live so far away, we get every other holiday and all of summer. With the exception of the year he lived with us, SS has had a C-D average in school. Not because he can't do the work, but because he isn't held accountable. We hoped that him moving in with us in middle school would help, and it did... SS had almost all As with a couple Bs... nothing lower. But after a year, he couldn't take the structure and follow through, and it was ruining our marriage. (That year everything was my fault, I hated SS, etc... DH really did a lot of research and realized that it was him that was the problem!) So, when SS said he wanted to move back his mom's DH said ok, because our marriage was important to him.
I am disengaged from SS (even though I love him and want him to succeed in life, his BM has PASed him against me and a relationship with him will never work). I try to not ask many questions about SS but sometimes he comes up. This morning DH told me he talked with BM about SS. SS has 2-Fs, 2-Ds, a C and an A (PE) - he's a sophomore. She still let him get his drivers license! Then threatened him with summer school hoping that losing his visitation with DH would push him to succeed. But it isn't making a difference. Then BM said "I hope he figures it out because I just dont have time for that" :jawdrop: :? Um, isn't that what being a parent is all about?!?!
DH and I both know that the only reason BM ever wanted SS was to hurt DH... had nothing to do with actually wanting to be a parent. And now SS will be the one who suffers because "she doesn't have time for that."
And "I don't have time for
And "I don't have time for that" also tends to mean that the kid gets away with doing whatever they want, so yeah, living with that parent is better than living in the house where there are rules! Sounds like the story of my SD's life! BM is a stay at home mom...has been all of the girl's life, but she can't take any time to actually be a parent. I mean, that would take away from her daytime stories and reality shows!
Of course, your SS doesn't have the advantage HHB (nickname for SD is Her High B***hness) has in being a girl. When HHB failed several classes last grading period, she cried to all of her teachers and they gave her concessions to have her grades changed! So, as a result, she had all C's in the end.
At some point the baggage a
At some point the baggage a kid inherits from it's parents becomes the kid's problem to either solve or own. Not your problem any longer. As sad as it is, this is SS-16's choice and he will suffer the consequences for his choice.